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jesscat

New and Lonely

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Hi, I'm new to this forum. SO let me know if this is not the right place for this type of post. I just started going to therapy in november and Ive recently gone on medication for depression. I'm not sure my therapist is right for me, I seem to just kind of talk a lot but i'm not sure I'm talking about the right things, or I can't think of the right questions or I don't know.

My big problem is I'm lonely. I'm new to an area and I've traveled for the last few years since leaving college and so a lot of the friends i've made have been made within small lengths of time and they are all long distance. my friends that i'm very close with are mostly far away and very busy and don't really check in with me a lot. I've always felt like i have trouble connecting with other people and as a result i'm almost always lonely. I feel wrong a lot, like what i'm doing is wrong, how i'm feeling, how i do the things i do. I'm always the weird one or the expendable friend in situations. i see friends who find it easy to talk to people and easy to make friends and i wonder how they do that. I wake up every day not wanting to continue going forward in life. I already feel a lot like i'm not going forward. it seems like no one really wants to be around me and i don't know what to do to fix it. I want a community of people to call family more than anything and i don't really have it and it doesn't seem like its going to materialize any time soon. and in the meantime i'm just stuck feeling lonely and like i'm a failure. I wake up majority of my days feeling like I'd rather not be here any more, and the feeling sticks around all day. I have a really hard time feeling joy or looking forward to anything. I really don't want to feel this way anymore. I just don't know how to stop.  

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10 minutes ago, jesscat said:

Hi, I'm new to this forum. SO let me know if this is not the right place for this type of post. I just started going to therapy in november and Ive recently gone on medication for depression. I'm not sure my therapist is right for me, I seem to just kind of talk a lot but i'm not sure I'm talking about the right things, or I can't think of the right questions or I don't know.

My big problem is I'm lonely. I'm new to an area and I've traveled for the last few years since leaving college and so a lot of the friends i've made have been made within small lengths of time and they are all long distance. my friends that i'm very close with are mostly far away and very busy and don't really check in with me a lot. I've always felt like i have trouble connecting with other people and as a result i'm almost always lonely. I feel wrong a lot, like what i'm doing is wrong, how i'm feeling, how i do the things i do. I'm always the weird one or the expendable friend in situations. i see friends who find it easy to talk to people and easy to make friends and i wonder how they do that. I wake up every day not wanting to continue going forward in life. I already feel a lot like i'm not going forward. it seems like no one really wants to be around me and i don't know what to do to fix it. I want a community of people to call family more than anything and i don't really have it and it doesn't seem like its going to materialize any time soon. and in the meantime i'm just stuck feeling lonely and like i'm a failure. I wake up majority of my days feeling like I'd rather not be here any more, and the feeling sticks around all day. I have a really hard time feeling joy or looking forward to anything. I really don't want to feel this way anymore. I just don't know how to stop.  

I'm in a really similar position to you, therapy and just started anti-depressants. I feel the same way about my therapy, I'm not sure if i'm saying the right things, and I don't like it when I have to take control of the sessions. I mostly just try to say things that worry me the most, or things that are preventing me from moving on. 

I've also been lonely for most of this year, due to very similar reasons. My friends have all gone away to university at the beginning of the year. Everyone is now scattered around the country and they always seem to be too busy. 

I've felt weird my whole life. I was always a really shy child and didn't have any self confidence, I'm much better now, but I don't think i'll ever stop doubting myself. I've learned to stop caring what people think of me, and that allows me to socialise with more confidence, but i'll never stop that small voice in the back of my head that tells me that I'm weird and no one wants me around. 

I just happened to come across df by accident. And it's honestly the best thing thats happened to me all year. I've only been here a month but already feel as though I'm a part of something and that I'm supported. 

It really has helped me a lot.

I think it will help you too, maybe it will even help you realise that you're not that different from everyone else X

- Meg

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hey Jess, i'm new too. one of the reasons i joined this online community is because i feel so alone and isolated even though i'm surrounded by people. its one of those things i've felt for years, as far back as my childhood. i bottle stuff up and i never feel like i am truly part of a whole, a group or family as long as they don't really know what's going through my head. i'm afraid of opening up to my friends and my family doesn't believe in depression so its just me. i always have my guard up and it makes all my interactions feel superficial. i always wonder when my friends will leave me, i know everyone leaves in the end. i don't want to talk to them about how i feel because i don't want them to judge me or think of me as weak or emotional or maladjusted. the sick bit is that i really want to be close to someone, to have a group of people i can call family. people that feel like home. i don't  have any childhood friends, we moved a lot and i lost most of my friends in my teen years when i had my first depressive episodes and pushed them all away. i'm even afraid to really commit to any new friendships because i'm on and off with depression and i don't want to feel the pain of losing people over and over.  

i don't know if any of this is relevant but it felt ok posting here. i hope you find people you can let in, who love you and make you feel safe ❤️

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Welcome! I can relate to your feeling of always being the expendable one or the one on the outside. I have trust issues - so it is hard to open myself up to relationship. And I  tend to be a fairly intellectual and serious person - so it is hard for me to fit into casual friend groups. I wish that I had a quick fix for you. What has helped me is to find a like minded church and join one of the small groups - but that does not help if you are not particularily religious.

Regarding the therapist - if it is not a good fit - then move on. Not every therapist is a good fit for everyone. My son saw one for a few appointments and then moved on becuase she reminded him a little too much of his grandmother and it was triggering for him. Good luck and I hope that you find some solace here.

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