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Posted (edited)

Hello all.  I am a 63 yr old single male who has a wide variety off issues that I have carried with me all my life.  As a young child I was very sensitive as well as very shy and introverted.  My family was dysfunctional and my older brother bullied me from my infancy up until my late teens.  This is why I have PTSD because I literally had to fight for my life.  In addition to this I am a HSP (highly sensitive person), ACOA (adult child of alcoholics), introverted, insecure, depressed, have social anxiety (hate crowds), have panic attacks, and to top it all off, I frequently isolate.  As a child I was neglected and had very little nurturing or recognition by my parents for my accomplishments in school or sports.  I have been to counselors off and on since I was 18, and have been on every antidepressant and anxiety drug that exists.  None of them have helped, including the counseling.  I am still the insecure sensitive "child", you might say, I was in my youth.  I joined this group to find out if there are others out there who have been through all the "hoop jumping", meaning counseling, meds, etc., with little or no positive results, like me.   I should also mention that I have  never married, and I think I subconsciously planned it that way so as not to punish anyone else for my dysfunctionality.  I often wonder if there is anyone out there who could really understand me or be a compatible mate, but at my age I have pretty much given up on the idea.  I live each day one day at a time, and I honestly don't know how I've made it this far without putting an end to it.  Something inside keeps telling me to 'hang on', and I keep hanging on.  For what I have no idea, but I keep hoping it will be revealed to me some day.  

Edited by Grrr0306
Left out some details

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Posted (edited)

Don't put an end to it.  You're still here for a reason and each day is an opportunity slowly change the negatives you're experiencing in your life.  

I isolate also and at one time could not handle crowds. I'd go shopping late at night at the stores that were open 24 hours to avoid them.  

I did a lot of hoop jumping also and felt it hopeless.  But eventually, I got to a better place.  Wasn't easy (it was hell) and I still have my bad days.  

The hard thing for me was accepting the fact that this stuff never completely goes away, you just learn how to manage it and rise above it as best you can.  Once I did that, things started turning out for the better.  

I stay away from relationships also because I feel any woman I get involved with won't get it or eventually leave me because they are turned off by my depression and anxiety and I can't deal with more rejection in my life right now. So I get you there.

Listen to that voice telling you to hang on.  That's your potential and future you talking, and there are better days to come for you.  

You say there is no progress but each day you hold on and keep going IS progress. Might not feel that way, but it is.  Hang on.

Edited by rilo45

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Rilo45, thanks for the words of encouragement.  It has been a struggle but I keep going.  I hope you continue doing the same as well.  Thanks again!  

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