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Hey there guys my name is Bree, I am 21 and currently happily married and have a 7 month old daughter. I suffer from Anxiety, Depression, PTSD and Borderline personality disorder. I recently have been really suicidal and my husband is worried about me. I have started a new medication and got off another one so we aren't sure if the suicidal thoughts are from that. I just want to say hello to all other sufferers and want you to know you are not alone. There are people who care out there. I don't really have any friends. My husband is my main support person and only support person as I don't speak to my family members. Because of my social anxiety and BPD, I don't work and my husband is my full time carer which I am so grateful for! We look after our bub at home and try to get through day to day life. Life is great when I am not depressed or anxious or suffering from a bpd episode. Those are the darkest times when I have to remember not to give up. Having good times and bad then good is hard because you have hope, faith and happiness then it gets taken away over and over and over again. 

 

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welcome Bree. what is a bpd episode ? i don't know how hard it is, but suicide isn't da answer young one, you got a bub he needs a mom more than a dad trust me 😄 

i have a trick for social anxiety 😄 as i have it myself 😄 if u are wearing glasses remove them or don't look at the person's eyes while talking, don't try to be perfect, i used  to open my eyes wide and look at the person like im totally paying attention to what he is saying  but it only made it worse for me, what i did is if someone called my name at the uni for example i would give them my normal look "half opened eyes like im bored aF" lol and reply to them. also Interact with a person outside of the house(i mean go with your husband outside and interact with him there!)! if you stay at your house for more than 2 days in a row you will forget how to deal with crowds or other people and all this "self-training" will go to waste.

 

another importante thing to mention! try to think about your anxiety and depression as experiences to define you/ to make you better to reshape you! try not to rely heavily on your husband to fix your depression, find your own way of fixing yourself! none understand you more than you 🙂 (you have your own theories of happiness, think and think some more that's the only way of self-reliance, one day you will find your answer, all your whys/hows/whats/ifs!! and it is possible!!) we humans are an interesting beings we will always find the way<<<always! even if it was full of peril and hardship.

 

i believe i can speak for all the members here when i say that if you need any guidance in your journey or to support you until you find your answers "we will" be happy to help!

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Hey its nice to meet you, thank you so much for the advice 🙂 When I talk to people I tend not to make any eye contact lol it makes me panic if I look into their eyes for too long.  My hubby and I try to get out but having a grumpy teething bub has been hard. She usually sleeps on us during the day and only sleeps in her bassinet of a night. We have tried to train her to sleep alone during the day but it hasn't worked. We are also too anxious to let someone baby sit her, we are not comfortable with someone doing that. But we do go out and do grocery shopping with her and go to appointments. 

So a bpd episode is basically a borderline personality disorder episode when I have anger outbursts crying, feeling insecure and suicidal and my brain tends to "switch" I basically change personalities and hate my husband and become suspicious of him. The guilt that comes after said episode is the hardest because I love my husband but my brain tells me otherwise. It's a complicated disorder. Us borderlines tend to have black and white thinking and we have trouble regulating emotions. 

Trust me I don't wish to rely heavily on my husband. Sometimes I even beg him not to help but because he's a loving person he gives his support fully to me. He's the kind of person that puts others before himself - I love that about him, even though he needs to think of himself more. Because I am so sick, he has no choice but to look after us. That's why I try to hard to be there when I can. 

Thank you! I appreciate that there are people here helping others,  I also love helping people. Especially when I can relate to their hardships. 

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Welcome to DF, Bree.

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Wish I could give you a hug. I know how difficult and frustrating it must be for you. Have you tried talking to a counselor about your struggles? It’s good you have a supportive husband. I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will provide the wisdom and help you need at this time. Remember that you deserve to feel better and no situation is hopeless. You can always come here to share and you don’t need to carry your burdens alone. Sending hugs & prayers your way!

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Thank you so much x Yeah I talk to a counselor and also a psychiatrist 🙂 Just needed to find the right one. Sending hugs back, again thank you heaps ! 

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I, too, welcome you to DF! Sorry that you are going through so much. Glad that you reached out to us. Hope you keep coming back, reading, and posting. We will support you as best we can. Hang in there with us.

BW

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I was okay yesterday, thank you -had a bit of a down moment but it has passed. Lately I have been sleeping too much. Some days I just want to sleep and not get up. But today is a new day so we shall see what it brings 🙂

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On 4/9/2019 at 11:59 PM, Goldenspirit95 said:

he needs a mom more than a dad trust me 😄

As a single father of a child on the autism spectrum, I take exception to this. Entirely ignorant and inappropriate comment, even if you were being tongue in cheek.

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@LonelyHiker i'm sorry i didn't mean to offend anyone , and you are right its an ignorant comment based on my experience as child of a single mother. i wasn't trying to be ironic or funny in anyway. i solely assumed that there's none better than moms to take care of their children. and it is wrong to comment based on an assumption, i apologize.

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@Goldenspirit95

Growing up with my mother was terrible. My father and mother split when I was born, it sucked because you could feel the intense hatred they had for each other, I just wanted to meet my father but my mother tried to keep me away from her. It’s a long story, all I have to say is that it would be so much better if we could grow up with two loving parents rather than parents who hate each other, it has effected me deeply. 

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@JustAnotherSufferer i understand your suffering, thou i lived through the fighting part x) my dad was kind of aggressive when he isn't in the "mood". i can't remember nothing from my chilldhood ( from 3-4 years old) but (the lion king movie) and  flashes of them arguing or my mom getting hit with a water jar on her head on one occasion or her bleeding arm from a broken mirror's glass on another. i don't know if my brain is f****ed up, but when my mom left my dad i wished they could return to each other x) loving parents with no arguing, i would have loved that x) worst thing about this is i wanted to brag about my dad's job in front of the other kids but i was the kid with "no dad". ah kids are cruel af x)

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@Goldenspirit95

Im so sorry about that, that’s nothing that a poor little kid should experience it. I was the same when it comes to school, I always bragged about my father and his job, but no one believed me because it was too good to be true.

I don’t like my mother that much either so I’m stuck here with her. I hate life so much : (

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