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no tittle for how i feel

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i have not been around the forum much lately because i felt like i was becoming a needy whiner and was asking for too much so i had to step back because life just aint about me, i shouldn't need help at this point in life, i just found it too hard to offer anything without putting out me stuff at the same time, so having said that here i am with no where to go to talk, life sucks, messing up at work a lot and going to work causes high anxiety, stress and deeper depression, hell just knowing i still breathe causes anxiety because i know i should be dead, i feel like i'm just a leach on society, no one wants me around anyway so why stay which causes more mental issues, i just can't promise from day to day that i will not be gone by my own hand, ok last me post for a while, i'm gonna try to at least post 10 positive helpful posts or reply's for every me post

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wow, I resonate with this so much. If you look at my first posts they are all positive. And gradually over time, I’ve tried to be more honest with how I’m feeling. I’ve realised that being truthful here on df - to my family and friends, my therapist, has helped me grow stronger. I so desperately want to paint a happy hopeful picture, to bring some comfort to those closest to me and also divert attention away from me. Neither has actually helped me heal on the inside. It’s hard putting yourself first. My reasoning for it is, you can only look after other people to the best of your ability, if you look after yourself first. Don’t feel guilty for wanting to help yourself. If anything, being open and honest here probably helps more people than you’d ever know to feel a bit more normal and understood. I hope you keep posting here. Opening up about how you feel will only encourage more people to do the same. 

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I definetly prefer honest sadness to false frivolity. Remember that, for some of us (me included), being able to help others can be a balm for the feeling of uselessness - and if we were all positive and optomistic all the time then this would be Facebook 😉

 

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48 minutes ago, Soarsie18 said:

wow, I resonate with this so much. If you look at my first posts they are all positive. And gradually over time, I’ve tried to be more honest with how I’m feeling. I’ve realised that being truthful here on df - to my family and friends, my therapist, has helped me grow stronger. I so desperately want to paint a happy hopeful picture, to bring some comfort to those closest to me and also divert attention away from me. Neither has actually helped me heal on the inside. It’s hard putting yourself first. My reasoning for it is, you can only look after other people to the best of your ability, if you look after yourself first. Don’t feel guilty for wanting to help yourself. If anything, being open and honest here probably helps more people than you’d ever know to feel a bit more normal and understood. I hope you keep posting here. Opening up about how you feel will only encourage more people to do the same. 

Thanks i get it, it's just hard to do it, my whole life has been keep it to yourself we dont want to hear it so opening up and asking for help is not usual

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10 minutes ago, JessiesMom said:

I definetly prefer honest sadness to false frivolity. Remember that, for some of us (me included), being able to help others can be a balm for the feeling of uselessness - and if we were all positive and optomistic all the time then this would be Facebook 😉

 

You're right, absolutely,  i just cant do it for some reason, i was trained as a youth to shut up about it or get pummeled into submission, im trying though, im trying 

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I always end up overthinking and hide whenever I ask for help or affection. I also feel guilty when I feel joy for some weird reason, guilty because I don’t think I deserve to feel happiness, it’s a mess.

All I can say is that you deserve to be heard and listened to. 

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