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Ethameshep

Things really do get better

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A couple years ago, I was at the lowest point in my life.  I had nothing and no one.  I slept most of the time because being awake was too much effort. I had no will to live, and wished to fall asleep and never wake up.

One evening I went outside for some reason.  It was perfect spring weather, the sun was setting, and it was so peaceful. I had convinced myself there was nothing good or beautiful in life, because that was the only way I could cope. But as I sat there, I couldn't help but think "This is nice".  That moment made me realize I had been lying to myself, and my whole mindset suddenly changed.  If I couldn't count on anyone else for help, then I would have to help myself.  If nothing was going to change on its own, then I would have to make it change.

Since then, I re-enrolled in school, finished my education, made new friends, had new experiences, and got a new job.  I'm almost 25, the age I never expected to reach, and I'm thinking about the future as something I will be part of.

I never believed people who said "things get better", but now I'm saying it myself.

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On 4/6/2019 at 7:25 AM, Ethameshep said:

A couple years ago, I was at the lowest point in my life.  I had nothing and no one.  I slept most of the time because being awake was too much effort. I had no will to live, and wished to fall asleep and never wake up.

One evening I went outside for some reason.  It was perfect spring weather, the sun was setting, and it was so peaceful. I had convinced myself there was nothing good or beautiful in life, because that was the only way I could cope. But as I sat there, I couldn't help but think "This is nice".  That moment made me realize I had been lying to myself, and my whole mindset suddenly changed.  If I couldn't count on anyone else for help, then I would have to help myself.  If nothing was going to change on its own, then I would have to make it change.

Since then, I re-enrolled in school, finished my education, made new friends, had new experiences, and got a new job.  I'm almost 25, the age I never expected to reach, and I'm thinking about the future as something I will be part of.

I never believed people who said "things get better", but now I'm saying it myself.

This is awesome.  I needed to read it.

I so often dwell on the darkness, and feel like my mind attacks me like when antibodies mistakenly turn on one's own body.  I feel like even when I have those moments that might range from "nice" to the proverbial 'breakthrough,' I can never leverage them forward.  I guess that is what it means to live in each new moment.

Each word you've written here speaks to me.

Thanks.

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