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Life is such a pain


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My anxiety is hitting me quite badly. So many things happened this week and I know it will affect next week too. I don’t know why I’m doing so many things wrongly. Like how I Want to book the meeting room for Tuesday but I wrongly booked for Wednesday and now I’m stuck what to do about it cos Tuesday is all booked but I told all the parties involved that it’s a Tuesday meeting. Such a simple thing and I can’t do it right. I’m such a moron. And it’s so difficult. I can easily message everyone to change the meeting date but it’s a weekend and I don’t want to disturb them. I’m such a loser. Sigh. Sometimes, some things happen and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ll just go cry at one corner now. Or watch some shows on my phone to try to forget that next week is coming. There’s no point worrying about this now anyway. I’ll just start worrying on Monday instead. Life is supposed to be simple no? It’s such a pain. What other mistakes will my subconscious self remind me of this weekend, the stupid words that I uttered, the people that I let down, the things that I could have done but never did.. just so that I can start hating myself all over again. Sigh. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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Hi Depressedgurl007,

    I am very sorry that things haven't been going well for you.  Anxiety can be really brutal. 

    Please do not beat yourself up mentally over what happened.  Attaching words like "moron" or "loser" to yourself is unfair because you are a complex human being made up of millions of things and it would be a gross oversimplification to reduce yourself to a negative label.  You are a million times more than any mistakes you might make, so labeling yourself with words like "moron" or "loser" is unfair to you and to the truth.

     We all make mistakes and I have made some big ones.  In can sometimes help to think of life like walking.  In our lives we take thousands and thousands of steps.  Most of those . . . the vast majority of those do not result in a fall.  Sometimes we do fall down.  And because it is rare, it is a very vivid and memorable experience.  But it is not helpful to focus on the falls and forget the thousands of successful steps we have taken.  A person who takes thousands of successful steps and falls occasionally should not be called a "fall-ure" or "failure."

     You are a good person and deserve to be appreciated and valued.  None of us are all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-perfect beings.  We are all limited in so many ways and often our mistakes are due to circumstances as well as our own actions.  Please do not be too hard on yourself.  You deserve better than that. 

     We all certainly appreciate you here on the Forums ! ! !            - epictetus

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Thanks so much @Epictetus for your kind words, it does help me feel better.

@Tears_Always I’m unavailable on Wednesday, anyway I also need to again take a look at the availability dates of all the parties involved. Sigh. I’m really just thinking too much.. like how the calendar view on the room booking system starts with Monday on the left most column, but my desktop calendar starts with Sunday on the left most column, so I thought I was clicking on Tuesday but I was actually clicking on Wednesday.. and how people are gonna judge me again..

I’m really just an over-thinker, always wasting my time on worst case scenarios so that I can be mentally prepared but end up I worry of the future so much that my present is affected......

Ugh ok I’m babbling now........

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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I so feel for you. Living with depression really makes our lives hard to live in so many ways. It is not you that is bad. It is this illness that gives you a hard time. What helps me is to lower my expectations so that they are more realistic given the illness I have. I work at staying in the moment and ask for help from God as he is always with me. 

Please don't put your self down and learn to be your own best friend as you have a illness that you didn't cause and can't control. Hope things get better for you.

BW

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Anxiety saps attention, it will take nearly all available mental bandwidth. When my GAD symptoms are high, I can't write, I'll make mistakes and have to start over. Sometimes it has taken me 5 times to write a personal check, I can't keep details in the fore of my mind.

So, you're not a loser or an idiot, you're working inside a very noisy room because of anxiety and others don't have to deal with that. Because of all that noise you're going to make mistakes. If you worry you'll make mistakes again, tell yourself mistakes will happen again and that this is perfectly acceptable. What's important is to know that after you make a mistake, you'll be okay. Then you don't have to beat yourself up next time.

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21 hours ago, desperateloser said:

Seriously, there is no permanent solution other than suicide.

Suicide is never the answer, mate. Sometimes, that is what sounds best- I know the feeling. But it's not worth it. Life is hard, we all know this. But even though we believe it's the only solution, there's always another way around. You won't be stuck in this mess forever- peace will always find a way to come to you.

Sometimes it comes quickly, other times it comes much later. But theres always another way, even if we can't see or find it.

 

I'm happy I didn't choose to end my life those few times in the past. It was rough. I felt the same way too- stuck and felt like I was always making mistakes. I came close to it. But even with different problems now, I still made it past that breaking point. It was hard, but it was possible. Just don't be so hard on yourself, @Depressedgurl007, it makes the situation worse. Take a breather.

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