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So PMS time is always an interesting time, it is usually the times where my depression really flares up, but so does the self hate. 

So what do you guys to do combat the self hate? Everything comes up that I feel is wrong like, I don't have my license yet and tell myself that my (extremely understanding) husband deserves better and shouldn't have to deal with coming with me all the time. Even if I had my license we can only afford one car so we would have to be together regardless.

Also I have my own business so I don't have much of a social life (not that I care, I am an introvert and have a horrible time making/keeping friends) and my husband couldn't go out with his father, brother and sister for lunch because I would need the car for the business all day. He was able to reschedule, but because I was in such a bad state of mind it made me feel horrible. 

I put myself down for my weight or really appearance in general, I found out I am at an all time high for how much I weigh and it really put in perspective that I need to keep my workout going and eat better. I was feeling semi proud when one of my daily clients asked me if I was pregnant or if I was trying all because I was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. It was 39 degrees and windy, I was cold and wanted to be comfy. She literally sees me 5 days a week 3 times a day, she knows how I look. That really put the self hate on the weight aspect in my mind, usually I just have a night or two where I just don't like the way I look, but now I am super self conscious about it.

I can't think of anything else that I typically hate on right now, but again it's not usually this bad. So how do you guys handle it? 

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Good question.  I suppose I drink. 😬

I honestly don't know what to say because I know I don't handle those times well.  And those times have been more often than not with me lately.  I don't handle my self-hate well.  And I don't have a decent support system.  But I bet you do.  I doubt your hubby would be so helpful if he didn't love and support you.  We make big sacrifices for the ones we truly love.  I doubt your husband is any different.

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I am a champion level self hater. The only thing that I have found that helps is to remind myself that that those self hating thoughts are just lies your depression is telling. My depression usually gets worse at that time of the month too. 

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I have learned and tell myself that I have a serious illness the I didn't cause, I can't control, and I can't cure. I remind myself that I need to treat myself like I would treat someone who is my best friend. If it were another type of illness, I would take it easy and get the help I needed. I am not my disease. I am a person who has a disease. They are not the same thing. I think what I would tell a good friend who has this illness and then I tell that to myself.

BW

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Self-hatred. What can I say. It’s something that’s very difficult to get rid of. Because almost every day I will do something that I regret. Then it’ll keep repeating in my mind the whole day and bring me down. Especially for people with anxiety, the self-hatred can put so much pressure that every sentence that comes out of my mouth and every action I do is just full of regret and self-hatred cos I feel what I did was wrong. And every sentence people say just translate to “you are worthless”.

It’s all a mental thing, so for me, I try to push the thoughts away. I gotto tell myself that what has happened has happened, and there’s nothing I can do about my past. I can only work to get better for my future, one step at a time. Gotto tell myself that I do not hate myself, I just hate my actions, I’m human and fallible, but I’m still worthy. Tell myself not to use the word “hate”, but just use “do not like”. Hate is a very strong word. 

Of course, the thoughts will just keep coming back. It’s a daily struggle, and difficult to overcome when there is so much I need to do to pay back for the stupid mistakes that I had done. During the time of the month especially, I need to push myself to do things that I like, to treat myself and reward myself for doing things that I do not like (chocolates etc). Keep going @Beckysh92 and keep pushing forward. Talk to your loved ones so you know that they still love you no matter what you do, cos if your mind don’t love you, your husband does. 

Sorry if I’m babbling too much and I can’t help much. Just thought it helps u to know we all are struggling with self-love. 

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Posted (edited)

Henry David Thoreau said, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." It is one of my favorite quotes because it's one that I can actually relate to. Self-hatred is at the core of everyone with depression. I was raised by a Japanese mother, who was never satisfied by anything. Graduating with a 3.9 was one of the most dishonorable things I could have done to our family. And I still hear about it even to this day. So my self-loathing runs very deep, I'm afraid I have no real answer. ACT, says you're supposed to give room for the negative thoughts, don't fight them, and not try to overpower them with positive thoughts, as that tends to not to be very successful in many cases. Then you're supposed to talk to yourself, or think about how the thoughts you just had were wrong / innacurate, and then move on with whatever you were doing. The idea is that over time the value or the impact / effect of the negative thoughts will be diminish as a result. I really believe this can be helpful for some, it hasn't been so helpful for me. I wish you luck in your efforts, and if you figure out the magic answer, please let me know. Take care!

Edited by Kdvditters

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Wish there was an easy answer. My self-hate just leads me into self-sabotage, I'll eat and drink too much knowing it'll make me feel like crap because in my mind, that's how I deserve to feel. Despite having such a low view of myself I'll have higher standards for myself than I do other people. I'll stew over mistakes that I'd have no qualms forgiving in other people, but because it's me I don't deserve forgiveness, I don't deserve kindness. It's never made sense but this is the way it's been for as long as I remember. It's easy to say it doesn't make sense, it's easy to tell other people that there's no reason that they should feel the way they do, that they do deserve kindness, fairness, happiness, health - whatever. 

How it feels like such an insurmountable task to apply basic logic like that to yourself, I've never understood. I am harsh to myself, I know that, and I know I wouldn't be so harsh to anyone else. How to combat it, I really don't know at all, answers on a postcard please. Expect that, like depression, it'll be different for so many people, that there won't be a quick fix and it'll take unlearning habits of a lifetime. Which is strangely daunting, cos self-hate feels like it's so embedded, it's become a key characteristic, I'm challenging who I am. Not strictly true, but that's how it feels and that is very real. 

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I remind myself that these are thoughts and I'm not my thoughts. I have no control over them but I can choose to let them come and go. 

I'll challenge hateful ideas of myself with evidence that I'm not awful. Though it's when I don't try to hold on to those thoughts in an attempt to make sense of them, or to work out whether they're The Truth, that I can let them go a little quicker. 

In this way I feel I have some measure of control over how much I suffer because of these negative thoughts. 

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