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How Do You Feel Today? #33


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Yeah I'm tired of fighting to try to win this losing game.  Almost all of life is being extremely bitter using every bit of your strength to do things you don't even want to do at all.  You're always completely rundown with nothing to show for it.😢

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  • 1 month later...

Been thinking a lot these past few days about what I am missing out on…not talking about fun stuff here. I have bad teeth, have always had bad teeth. I badly need to see a dentist and probably have an extensive amount of work done. Could not tell you the last time I have been inside a dentist office…probably 10 years at least. Anxious at the thought of going to one and anxious at the thought that I cannot just suck it up and go like most people. There are many things where this is the case and it is really getting to me.

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I never went to the dentist either.  I had probably 3 and a half teeth left on top when I finally got my dentures.  I never really smiled then but now if I smile without the dentures it keeps people away pretty well.  So it's kind of a mixed bag I guess.🤔

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I'm too worn down and destroyed to get a good life anymore.  What's left is me just sitting here waiting for god to give me the one thing I've always wanted and put me in the ground.  Just get it over with!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Still a bit foggy, but I've surprised myself by being able to read a bit. It's nice to know my concentration isn't totally shot, as long as the thing I'm focusing on is interesting. 

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Okay. I mean, slightly better than I have been lately. Today would be my parents' 48th wedding anniversary. I thought of texting my dad, then realized I didn't know what to say since my mom is gone so "happy anniversary" sounds weird. I think Mother's Day is going to be weird to for me. 

If I could improve one thing in my life, it would be to have more energy. I feel like I'm just floating through life these days and not really doing anything because I don't have the concentration or motivation. It feels like a waste.

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A little more happy than usual. As I was bringing in my dog, I happened to really look at the lily plant--the one from my mom's funeral--that is in our front garden, and I noticed for the first time that white flowers have sprung up in it. They look so nice. Considering I nearly killed this plant (I'm terrible with plants!), I'm so glad that it's not only still alive but looking better than ever. It's nice when something unexpectedly goes well. 🙂

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Eh, my bad leg is bothering me a bit. As long as it doesn't get any worse, I'll be fine. I have my chiro appointment in 2 days, my second to last. I can't wait for these appointments to be over, to be honest, so I'm just hoping my pain stays at the low level it's been at. And of course the physical affects the mental, so being pain-free or in low pain makes me feel more hopeful and able to concentrate on other things.

I'm also a little disappointed because my husband was supposed to be off tomorrow but he had to switch shifts. It's not a big deal, but I always look forward to his day's off. I'm still foggy too, but I'm still slowly but surely reading a book for pleasure. I'm glad I'm able to do that, concentrate on a story. As long as I can still focus on some things, I'm ok. 

I hope it's cooler tonight and maybe I can walk a little bit. and if not...I'm trying not to get upset over every little thing. I need to take life as it comes, and not always expect the worse. I'm not there yet, but if I keep reminding myself, it's def something I can work on. Tomorrow is always a new day.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Not doing well at all right now. Sad, anxious, frustrated, hopeless, uptight…feeling a combo of all of these. Also, extreme apathy toward my job and total lack of motivation.

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