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How Do You Feel Today? #33


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I recently felt like mom wasn't watching over me anymore but today she gave me a sign that she is still watching over me.  It worries me though because there's no way she could get into heaven if she stayed on the side of scum like me.:sniffle1:

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm trying to feel grateful for my pathetic life. I do have lots to be thankful for: a roof over my head, food, three kitties, an adult daughter who is still in touch with me...

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I'm feeling discouraged. After doing better for quite a while, I can feel myself getting worse again. I'm doing everything I can, applying everything I've learned about myself, about what is helpful and what isn't. But it doesn't seem to working much, and I feel myself slipping and my thoughts getting darker and darker again. I feel so tired.

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  • 3 months later...
On 7/20/2021 at 10:45 AM, Shijima said:

I feel calm, content and aright so far even though I had very bad dreams last night. I just got to push through them and keep my mind busy on other things today. 

I hope you don't have any more bad dreams!

---

I'm feeling drowsy but otherwise okay.

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  • 1 month later...

I feel like I'm just trying to keep busy. I'm feeling depressed again. I keep thinking what's the point of this life? I don't exactly want to die but all I'm doing is working, missing people, and watching videos to pass time in life. It feels meaningless. We just do this over and over till years pass until we die. I just don't get the point of it. Thinking back at my later posts I feel like I'm a totally different person. I hate this yo-yo effect of feeling okay one day and depressed all the other days. It's exhausting...I'm trying to tell myself it's just a bad day not a bad life...but I'm been depressed for years. So when will that ever end?

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On 8/28/2021 at 3:03 AM, Handon Frypan said:

Hot, overscheduled, and fragile. Been sick lately with a UTI. Been curious about some emerging mental health issues.

I'm with UTI too this past week. Keep yourself hydrated at all times. Try to drink coconut water too.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Failure in communication with a dailyish attendant who stopped showing because of my sickness. Failure on my part of missing a request from my doctor. This all has created a lot of anxiety and a sudden decline in health, even though my cold seems to be abating. Wondering, as long as I live, how long I can maintain my current health, or improve it. 

Wishing you all well. 

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I keep going up and down. I had a good workout today, and did some laundry. But I'm feeling some vague sense of loss and failure as well. Hoping I can sleep properly and have a good perspective on it all tomorrow.

All I know is I'm tired of being sick.

 

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For the entire day I felt normal, stable, I was casually working without any struggles. I'm surprised by how normal I feel knowing how many strong meds I'm taking. Right now I feel a bit uplifted and stimulated because of my evening medication. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/7/2021 at 12:52 AM, Handon Frypan said:

I keep going up and down. I had a good workout today, and did some laundry. But I'm feeling some vague sense of loss and failure as well. Hoping I can sleep properly and have a good perspective on it all tomorrow.

All I know is I'm tired of being sick.

 

Hang in there and try to get some rest.  Being welled rested should give you a new drive to move forward. 

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On 2/20/2021 at 12:10 PM, sober4life said:

I recently felt like mom wasn't watching over me anymore but today she gave me a sign that she is still watching over me.  It worries me though because there's no way she could get into heaven if she stayed on the side of scum like me.:sniffle1:

I am sure you are  not scum. For  one thing  you  have  overcome addiction which is very  hard to do. As far as  how  i feel today, not well.  My loneliness will not  go away no matter what  i try.

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1 hour ago, jxdama said:

I am sure you are  not scum. For  one thing  you  have  overcome addiction which is very  hard to do. As far as  how  i feel today, not well.  My loneliness will not  go away no matter what  i try.

Well since posting this I got the virus and believe she was here with me a couple of the worst days at the bed.  If I believe in anything anymore it meant even god didn't know if I was going to make it.  If I was given the choice I would have chosen to leave with mom.  I've never really wanted to be here so having a belief that I might actually go to heaven I'm ready when you are god.

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