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How Do You Feel Today? #33


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11 hours ago, sober4life said:

I can honestly say I've never been more afraid to be in this world than right now.

I was feeling that way until recently. Now, I'm just along for the ride. I guess I've resigned myself to what I think is inevitable. I've always been more of an "observer" than a "participant" so the adaptation was somewhat easy I guess.

I've kinda detached myself from the Matrix or whatever "real life" is. It's like I'm a tourist in other people's reality now.

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1 hour ago, Handon Frypan said:

Disabled and now worrying about money. And it seems like I should have started a long time ago.Wondering what the new government will be like, but far from convinced that any problems will be solved. Second constitutional convention, anybody?

I see it as the changing of the guard. The palace will remain exactly the same, but maybe a bit of landscaping will be done. "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss."

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9 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I was feeling that way until recently. Now, I'm just along for the ride. I guess I've resigned myself to what I think is inevitable. I've always been more of an "observer" than a "participant" so the adaptation was somewhat easy I guess.

I've kinda detached myself from the Matrix or whatever "real life" is. It's like I'm a tourist in other people's reality now.

Yeah I'm much more at peace now than I was.  I'm mostly an observer too but maybe me the most paranoid person on earth isn't watching close enough or maybe I should just quit watching altogether.

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1 minute ago, sober4life said:

Yeah I'm much more at peace now than I was.  I'm mostly an observer too but maybe me the most paranoid person on earth isn't watching close enough or maybe I should just quit watching altogether.

I watch it like a WWF match. It's for show anyway. The real action goes on behind the curtain and the stuff we see is merely distraction. I hate to be such a cynic but after all of these decades watching what's happening, I have come to realize that "they" could care less about us. "Our" government--and those of other countries--work for much higher forces than the will of the public. They ain't gonna stop unless we make 'em stop...and I honestly don't know how that would happen.

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  • 3 weeks later...

This is one of those days when I'm really feeling my social/developmental impairment (a byproduct of my congenital disability). Made a misstep on Twitter last night. A good faith attempt, I guess, at connecting, and did so incorrectly. And I was gently called out on it this morning. Confidence is a fragile thing. And social development is lifelong, it seems.

Edited by Handon Frypan
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On 1/6/2021 at 9:51 AM, sober4life said:

I used to want to have a time machine and travel through time but honestly if I traveled even a couple of years into the future this world is all probably gone.  Porky Pig said it perfectly That's all folks!👋

Futurism (?) and nostalgia are quite interesting to me, and I tend to get trapped in the latter. Too obsessed with wanting o go back to the 80's again (my childhood). But I also know deep down that I'd be in for a culture shock despite the comforting memories. 

As for the future, I don't even know what to expect. I actually do find it easier to live in the moment than the future, though I like to think about the future. But then it's also easier to live in the past than the present (for me. YMMV, as they say).

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2 hours ago, Handon Frypan said:

Futurism (?) and nostalgia are quite interesting to me, and I tend to get trapped in the latter. Too obsessed with wanting o go back to the 80's again (my childhood). But I also know deep down that I'd be in for a culture shock despite the comforting memories. 

As for the future, I don't even know what to expect. I actually do find it easier to live in the moment than the future, though I like to think about the future. But then it's also easier to live in the past than the present (for me. YMMV, as they say).

We just remember things that made us feel better as a kid.  Lots of people are playing old games and watching old shows from when they grew up right now.  We have to keep the child in us alive.  It's the biggest thing that keeps us alive.

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How am I today? I don't know. My mother kept showering me with compliments today and seemingly would not shut up. She has a tendency to hide her real feelings and then it comes to a blow. Which it didn't today, but something just seemed not quite right. I'm also socially fatigued. I just feel like this episode is not over, but I'm not sure what's next.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel in a weird state of transition, but I'm not sure from where to where. But it has me unsettled. I do feel somewhat accomplished, though. Big doctor's appointment today. He asked for bloodwork and a UA, and for two appointments with other divisions of the hospital. Blood and UA got done. Other apointments friday and monday. Then  had my PT over Zoom, which was pretty good. First session of the semester. 

Not really sure why the funk, but hopefully I'll be OK tomorrow.

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Another doctor's appointment---one I tried to cancel over the phone. As soon as my mother (my ride) caught wind of that, she blew up, because there was the chance the cancelation went through, even though I was put on wait for longer than I had. The appointment wasn't cancelled, but she had a point. On the way home, in her newfound state of relief, she became extremely chatty, which I have a hard time with regarding other people. Now I am finally home. No TV, no radio. Just silence. Getting away from people.

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19 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm like that sometimes especially lately.  I can't even stand the sound of someone talking.

There's a local radio show where they play mostly electronic music. I love to listen to it...until a song comes along with human voices in it. Then I snap off the radio. I only want to hear the instrumental side of it, whether that is made electronically or via actual instruments.

Edited by JD4010
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7 hours ago, JD4010 said:

There's a local radio show where they play mostly electronic music. I love to listen to it...until a song comes along with human voices in it. Then I snap off the radio. I only want to hear the instrumental side of it, whether that is made electronically or via actual instruments.

I don't want it to be that way but the truth is if I went back through my life and removed people from all of the days I had a great life.  People have taken me from a great life to it being a miracle I don't leave the world every day.

Edited by sober4life
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19 hours ago, JD4010 said:

There's a local radio show where they play mostly electronic music. I love to listen to it...until a song comes along with human voices in it. Then I snap off the radio. I only want to hear the instrumental side of it, whether that is made electronically or via actual instruments.

I'm like that with a song by Portishead. I think it's called the Rip. Gorgeous background. No voice needed.

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Not very good but I managed to get the laundry done and cook a good dinner. I was excited about my box of chocolates till I opened them up and there's barely any in there. Never again when I can get a whole bad of the same amount for 1.00

Edited by watalife
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