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Convincing yourself nobody really likes you


Steak47

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Just got back from my friend's babyshower, had a nice time, socialised. Now im home i keep thinking nobody likes me, even though they're nice to me and talk to me, they dont really like me, they all think im a horrible person. Keep thinking my friend that invited me doesnt like me either, even though i was the only friend she invited because she just wanted close people there im still convinced she doesnt like me

Then i spiral and think that one day my thoughts will drive me so crazy ill try and **** myself

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I know the feeling, which is why I just avoid people these days. On the other hand, if your friend just wanted close people there, she invited you because she really likes you. People are good but they're not so good that they're going to seek out someone's company if they don't like them. 

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I have this feeling every day.  In the moment there is nothing anyone can say to convince me otherwise.  Every day goes the same way.  I start out needing people in my life and then it moves to feeling like nobody likes me and then to everyone hates me and is plotting against me.  By bedtime I always go to bed feeling like everyone has abandoned me and I go to bed feeling completely alone in the world every day.

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The lack of confidence in yourself, or low self esteem is part of depression and or social anxiety, and its why we withdraw from social gatherings, making it a vicious and downwards cycle. Try to convince yourself that you were invited and thus wanted. Don't let your brain guide you otherwise. Stop thinking about it, try some breathing exercises or YouTube something off topic

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3 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

The lack of confidence in yourself, or low self esteem is part of depression and or social anxiety, and its why we withdraw from social gatherings, making it a vicious and downwards cycle. Try to convince yourself that you were invited and thus wanted.

Good advice, though easier said than done... Maybe that's where a good therapist would be helpful. On the other hand, it seems to me that if a therapist can do this verbally, so can we by convincing ourselves as you suggest. I'm just short on ideas as to exactly how. 🙂

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I know how you feel. It's overwhelming, isn't it?

A lot of times, I kind of suspect or assume someone doesn't like me based on how they look at me or how they're vibe is when talking to me. Usually, I know a person doesn't like me based on their tone, actions, or facial expressions. Maybe that might help you determine whether or not someone doesn't like you?

For me, my coworkers are always nice enough to say hi or fill me in on what's going on without an attitude. But people I've met outside of work, they may sound snobby or give me that kind of "look" when I'm sharing my side of the story. Body language says a lot.

Then again, even with obvious signs whether it's kind or rude, it doesn't take a lot for me to feel like I bother most people. I relate a lot to not having any confidence or self esteem. I've always lacked that

Edited by MaepleSyrup
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I read some interesting advice once about this topic. You go to a party (or some other social gathering) and the goal is to keep approaching people until you get rejected five times. You aren't allowed to do anything obnoxious on purpose. Just make small talk and be pleasant. You have to keep going until you reach the quota of rejections. The point of the exercise is to find out how people are really interacting with you and to show you that it's not as bleak as you think.

Edited by John_in_SF
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First I have to say you would not have been invited if you were not wanted, second I have to say look for some happiness and validation in the fact that you were invited and that you have someone you call a friend.

I love the advice about a party or social situation and it would be interesting to try but that would require access to social situations. (Not something I have)

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On 3/16/2019 at 12:50 PM, Steak47 said:

Just got back from my friend's babyshower, had a nice time, socialised. Now im home i keep thinking nobody likes me, even though they're nice to me and talk to me, they dont really like me, they all think im a horrible person. Keep thinking my friend that invited me doesnt like me either, even though i was the only friend she invited because she just wanted close people there im still convinced she doesnt like me

Then i spiral and think that one day my thoughts will drive me so crazy ill try and **** myself

I understand. I always feel this way. I think we think so little of ourselves and see our own darkness so thoroughly that we can't believe anyone else can like us. But what if those people really did like you? What if it wouldn't have been the same without you there?

We see our own (perceived) deficits much more than other people see them in us.

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On 3/18/2019 at 3:12 AM, John_in_SF said:

I read some interesting advice once about this topic. You go to a party (or some other social gathering) and the goal is to keep approaching people until you get rejected five times. You aren't allowed to do anything obnoxious on purpose. Just make small talk and be pleasant. You have to keep going until you reach the quota of rejections. The point of the exercise is to find out how people are really interacting with you and to show you that it's not as bleak as you think.

That indeed is interesting, might try that out on my next night out

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It helps me to remember that all the thoughts that come to me are not all true. If I rent them space in my head, then it gets harder to get them out of my head. So I review my behavior and if there is nothing I did that was inappropriate, then I dismiss the thoughts and let them fly out the window. Also I have learned that what others think of me is not my business. If I am being the best I can all things considered, then that is all I am responsible for. There is no way that I can please everyone I meet and that is not my responsibility. Not everyone is going to like me and that does not mean there is something wrong with me. It is just part of the human existence. 

BW

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