Jump to content

Be more positive


JessiesMom

Recommended Posts

Isn't it amazing how there is a strong coralation between the people who make your life miserable and the people who tell you, "I would be more likely to listen to you if you were not so negative all the time." (Holds up satcasm sign) I'm so sorry - I forgot that making you comfortable and happy in your delusional world was the most important part of my job? Next time I will try to blow more smoke up your butt before I tell you how behind we are in the bills and how worried I am. Would that make you more ****ing comfortable? 😤

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Be more positive" is brilliant, isn't it? I wonder what the hell people who say it expect. Do they think it's a pearl of wisdom that no depressed person has ever considered? Course, positivity is as much a double edged sword as negativity. A pessimist is never disappointed eh? Positive people must experience so much disappointment and failure, but I guess if you're more positive these things won't matter... Be great to stick a sheild like that up, be unaffected by your own brain and the things around you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, shio said:

I've lived in silence for a long time until  the last few years and when i go to share how I'm feeling I get the "be more positive" attitude ..... easy for you to say😣 so I stay silent

I did that for a long time - then I got tired of being right all the time, but not having the ability to do anything to avert disaster before the fact. Now I try to be a truth teller - but people don't always want to hear the truth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, JessiesMom said:

I did that for a long time - then I got tired of being right all the time, but not having the ability to do anything to avert disaster before the fact. Now I try to be a truth teller - but people don't always want to hear the truth.

The truth is always the best answer but like you wrote people don't like to hear the truth. I was told by my father that i should be diplomatic..... r i g h t

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, shio said:

The truth is always the best answer but like you wrote people don't like to hear the truth. I was told by my father that i should be diplomatic..... r i g h t

My father was always a truth teller - and it defimetly got him in trouble at times. Once he was escorted out of a city council meeting by a police officer because they did not want to hear the truth that he was speaking.😁

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/14/2019 at 12:28 PM, JessiesMom said:

My father was always a truth teller - and it defimetly got him in trouble at times. Once he was escorted out of a city council meeting by a police officer because they did not want to hear the truth that he was speaking.😁

Cool dad! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/14/2019 at 7:27 AM, shio said:

I've lived in silence for a long time until  the last few years and when i go to share how I'm feeling I get the "be more positive" attitude ..... easy for you to say😣 so I stay silent

Positivity does help as it will help you stick it out a little longer. 

I am pretty sure there is a lot of data against positivity alone. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hear you. "There are starving people in the world. But YOU can't be happy?"

I can't be happy like other people who are very sick (in certain ways) can't be smiling all the time. Yes, there are exceptions but ask a person with cancer to smile more and be more energetic and just watch the look of horror spread across his face. And watch all your friends dump you for being such a callous sh*t.

Just because our illness doesn't "show" on the outside (or when it does, it's still considered behavioral - "why can't she dress better and make an effort with her hair?") doesn't mean we aren't in pain 24/7 and TRYING to smile, for God's sake. 

This illness is cruel in more ways than one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, Rattler6 said:

Positivity does help as it will help you stick it out a little longer. 

I am pretty sure there is a lot of data against positivity alone. 

I do believe in trying to stay positive but on the days you just can't, it's pretty cruel for people to say "smile more" or whatever. We all need to try to have hope but you wouldn't yell at a person with a broken leg to go run a mile because he can't just "sit there and be sad" about his leg. KWIM?

This is a real illness, and it expresses itself in the brain and mind. You can't pick on a person with some other neuro issue - say, Alzheimer's - for not acting like other people because she just isn't trying to be positive. To an extent, yes, being very negative and not trying can make illness worse, but the illness IS there. And sometimes it just hurts too much to grin.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

it has become painfully obvious over the years that if an illness or disability does not show physically the general population feels it does not exist and thus are free to make comments and snide remarks. I have seen this with both my depression and hearing loss.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Tears_Always said:

it has become painfully obvious over the years that if an illness or disability does not show physically the general population feels it does not exist and thus are free to make comments and snide remarks. I have seen this with both my depression and hearing loss.

 

How true this is. My middle son is autistic and intellectually delayed. Now that he's adult-sized, we no longer really get this because it all really stands out, but when he was younger I got more glares and muttered comments than you can imagine. I even had a woman come up to me in the grocery store to scream "You call yourself a mother?" I went home sobbing.

This is no New Millennium faux DX, my son will never drive a car, never get his high school diploma (he will get a completion certificate instead), never be able to live alone. He will never grow up. This isn't mild. It's serious, lifelong and he will never be able to care for himself. 

My son "looks normal." (Urghhhh.) In fact, he looks gorgeous. He has stunning good looks, and I'm not saying that because I'm his mother. Just standing there, not speaking (he talks very much like a preschooler in pronunciation and grammar), literally I see girls lathering over him. Then he moves and puts his hands in an odd way or claps hard or speaks and the illusion is shattered.

But until that point, if he's just a little "off" I still occasionally will get the glares. It's basically nothing compared to the old days, though. He "looked okay" so he must "be" okay and I must be a horrible mother and we caught hell for years, literally. 

I spent so much time secretly crying when my son was younger.

Edited by Summer896
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/13/2019 at 2:11 PM, JessiesMom said:

Isn't it amazing how there is a strong coralation between the people who make your life miserable and the people who tell you, "I would be more likely to listen to you if you were not so negative all the time." (Holds up satcasm sign) I'm so sorry - I forgot that making you comfortable and happy in your delusional world was the most important part of my job? Next time I will try to blow more smoke up your butt before I tell you how behind we are in the bills and how worried I am. Would that make you more ****ing comfortable? 😤

I'm sorry I used the laugh emoji but this struck me really funny. I'm still laughing.

It's recognition in my case. I took that sh it from my ex for decades. And now I have a friend doing the very same thing.

And people wonder why I spend my evenings at home with the cats.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Summer896 said:

 

How true this is. My middle son is autistic and intellectually delayed. Now that he's adult-sized, we no longer really get this because it all really stands out, but when he was younger I got more glares and muttered comments than you can imagine. I even had a woman come up to me in the grocery store to scream "You call yourself a mother?" I went home sobbing.

This is no New Millennium faux DX, my son will never drive a car, never get his high school diploma (he will get a completion certificate instead), never be able to live alone. He will never grow up. This isn't mild. It's serious, lifelong and he will never be able to care for himself. 

My son "looks normal." (Urghhhh.) In fact, he looks gorgeous. He has stunning good looks, and I'm not saying that because I'm his mother. Just standing there, not speaking (he talks very much like a preschooler in pronunciation and grammar), literally I see girls lathering over him. Then he moves and puts his hands in an odd way or claps hard or speaks and the illusion is shattered.

But until that point, if he's just a little "off" I still occasionally will get the glares. It's basically nothing compared to the old days, though. He "looked okay" so he must "be" okay and I must be a horrible mother and we caught hell for years, literally. 

I spent so much time secretly crying when my son was younger.

Hello @Summer896

I have a young son (11yo) who is on the spectrum also, and I just wanted to say what you posted resonated strongly. People can be horrendously cruel, judgmental and criminally ignorant. I am sorry you had to deal with idiots like that armchair-parenting harpy.

It's hearing crap like that that truly makes me despair of the species.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 hours ago, Summer896 said:

 

How true this is. My middle son is autistic and intellectually delayed. Now that he's adult-sized, we no longer really get this because it all really stands out, but when he was younger I got more glares and muttered comments than you can imagine. I even had a woman come up to me in the grocery store to scream "You call yourself a mother?" I went home sobbing.

This is no New Millennium faux DX, my son will never drive a car, never get his high school diploma (he will get a completion certificate instead), never be able to live alone. He will never grow up. This isn't mild. It's serious, lifelong and he will never be able to care for himself. 

My son "looks normal." (Urghhhh.) In fact, he looks gorgeous. He has stunning good looks, and I'm not saying that because I'm his mother. Just standing there, not speaking (he talks very much like a preschooler in pronunciation and grammar), literally I see girls lathering over him. Then he moves and puts his hands in an odd way or claps hard or speaks and the illusion is shattered.

But until that point, if he's just a little "off" I still occasionally will get the glares. It's basically nothing compared to the old days, though. He "looked okay" so he must "be" okay and I must be a horrible mother and we caught hell for years, literally. 

I spent so much time secretly crying when my son was younger.

Hi Summer 896

Oh how people are so cruel. It's not right that you and your son had faced atrocities from society. 

From what i've read you are an incredibly strong woman to walk away from rude people. And crying only adds to your strength of understanding the rude human psyche. And what is most important is you love your son - Bravo!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The truth is in the end people only care about how things affect them or their perception of the world. If you say what you feel and it is not nice you are mean or not worthy of listening to, and if you are outside the perceived norm then you are not worthy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...