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Trueblooo

A woman tired of being strong

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Hello everyone 

A woman who had her so called birthday last week enclosed within 4 walls with a wailing child and a frustrated 9 year old seeks your support. I have had a considerably strange and very painful life. I call it strange because my life started off with a huge contrast whereby my mother was an overtly loving and extremely sensitive lady as opposed to my father who never even knew my favourite color. Ever since I remember, he beat me with an unknown sting I yet cannot understand. The beatings stopped when I was 22 because I fought back. That's how much I knew him. I have lost them both very suddenly in life and in that process ended up losing  my only sibling to her own selfish ways. I was married once before and that was a relationship full of nothing but a daily dosage of mental torture, all because my mother was a devout Christian and this went against the strict muslim beliefs of my ex husband. He didn't leave any stone unturned to insult and belittle me in every way possible to calling me names etc. The final straw came with him wanting me to 'favour' his potential business clients. He called me a strategy and I remember it to this day verbatim. All I simply did was walk out at 1am with my then 4 year old and out of that mess for good. By then I had lost my mother therefore nothing really mattered. My father lost his health and mental stability after losing her which in turn finally took his life last month. Amidst all this chaos and mental agony I met someone much younger than me (4 years to be precise) and fell deeply in love with him. I now look back and understand that I so starved for love that no matter who came into my life I could give up myself for them. Fast forward two years and a baby, he has left for his country saying that its where he wants to be and never took us along since he couldn't bear the expenses. He never worked a day in his life to support us because according to him, he felt too out of place in the country we were in (UAE). I have borne all the expenses and now I'm in a state where my daughter isn't even in school. I'm all alone, go through mental trauma everyday because I cant cope with two demanding kids along with the spine wracking loneliness. I have fights with my husband over the phone everyday and he now told me he has had enough. I am on the verge of collapse from all the  insanity in my life. Oh did I tell you my father was bi polar and that my ex husband doesnt let go of me. He calls me all the time( we have no restraining order here) and I am torn always for I cannot report this to my second husband out of fear that he may leave me. I'm in a state of mind where suicide seems ever so peaceful. I know my kids will be taken care of by their fathers and I can lay in eternal peace knowing that I am not around my loved ones being this excuse of a woman that used to take pride in herself once but is an empty shell of confusion, regret and emptiness. 

Sorry for the long narration to my life. I wish you all the best for the best is out there somewhere..

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Hi, thank you for registering and posting. You have done the hardest thing and opened up.

It helps us all on here to see that we have shared issues with people all over the world. 

I hope that someone has something that will help you.

At the very least you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that life gets easier for you

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Welcome! Thanks for your honest sharing. So sorry that you are dealing with all that is in your life. My heart goes out to you. Hope you keep coming back, reading, and posting. You are not alone in this. We are here for you.

BW

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1 hour ago, Trueblooo said:

That was the kindest thing I have heard in a long time and you made me tear up. Thank you for those words. It really meant alot to me. 

Not a problem at all. I was made very welcome when I arrived here and now see this as my emotional home and the users as my family. I want everyone to experience the kindness that I received and is here in abundance

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You post is eloquent and profound. Welcome to the forums. I hope that you can find comfort and peace here to counterbalance the chaos in your current locale. 🌼🕊

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I am sorry, Trueblooo that I did not respond to your post earlier, but I have been ill.  You have been through so much anguish and pain and I am very sorry for the suffering you have endured in your life and are still enduring. 

My apologies for not responding  properly to your post but I have pain in my hands and I cannot type for long.  I do want to thank you so much for your words.  They help me and so many others here who are suffering and struggling.  Your words will help people here and around the world and will be healing and even save lives.  So I want to thank you so much.  I sure hope things improve for you.  You deserve a break!   

- epictetus

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