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I feel like I'm breaking down


FerryJerry

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not sure where to start really

I feel like I am having some kind of mid-life crisis ever since my brother Frank died just a few months ago and I finding it hard to get out of bed every day and to carry on with life because we were close

I live in a place where not many people talk and they close their little doors at 7 pm and the whole village is sleepy there is no life after dark but we have the star and the night sky I would like to buy a telescope if I could ever afford one and look out across the universe and watch the moon and the stars and maybe I can get a camera attachment and make videos about the night skies

you see I feel lost right now but I look out across the night sky and everyone and every living thing that has ever existed has looked up and lived under the same sky, I look up in wonder and just think that there might be life out there or someday we might get to travel in to space in the same way we can get flights and sometimes I wish I had a rocket and could take off across the universe and see all there is to see

I am very overweight and am losing my teeth because I can't care for them because I lack the motivation to do anything, I take better care of my pets then I do myself but luckily my wife feeds me so I should be thankful and I am

I wish I had a therapist or some kind of treatment and I've tried alternative treatments and some medications but they only helped for a while, I used to be a protestor but I am too far gone to protest anymore and I have lost interest in the things I once took comfort in like playing my PlayStation which has just gathered dust on a shelf

other players are better than me so I lose to them and I get upset and yell and shout and then feel helpless and upset so I stopped playing because I can't handle that, when I was young I was a video kid I would play games and do well but not anymore

I feel like my life is passing me by and before I know it I will be alone and old with nobody and like my mother said that I will die alone and no one will probably notice I am gone, I can't have children and I can't adopt so the futures not so bright for me

I was a mistake by that I mean I was not a planned birth I came into this world by accident and I have fallen through life and I don't know where I am heading but I hope I can make it and do better and better myself

Jerry

 

 

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I, too, welcome you, Jerry. Sorry that you are going through all that. So sorry about your brother. You have value to us here. Hope that you can get some help. There are therapists that are on-line so I heard. Keep coming back, reading, and posting. We will support you as best we can.

BW

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I also want to welcome you , Jerry.  You write beautifully and I want to thank you for what you wrote.  It helps me and will help so many others who are going through the same or similar things in our lives.  And your sharing is not only a healing gift for us, but a life saving gift because so many of us here are living on the edge and your post will save lives. 

When I first joined these Forums I thought that people who gave advice to others saved lives but I was surprised to learn, from so many people here, that posts like yours, posts written from the deepest part of the human heart are what saved lives.  People from all over the world will read what you wrote today and  lives will be saved, so you have our deepest and most profound gratitude.

There is an old saying that goes:  "Whoever saves a human life, it is as if that person saved the entire world."  You are such a person in my eyes and the eyes of so many here on the Forums.  I am so sorry that you lost your brother.  I am also deeply saddened that your life is so filled with anguish and pain.  I hope that in some way we can be as helpful to you as you have been to us.  Thank you again for what you wrote.  It affected me in a very personal way because of things happening in my own life.  I wish you only good things, Jerry!

- epictetus

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Thank you for your kind words. I am from the UK but originally I am from New Zeland

I've had a terrible day today, I felt so sick that all I could manage was carrying the shopping home and when I got back I came over feeling light headed and unwell so I sat down and kindly my wife she took care of the cat's needs for me today

yesterday one of the cats bit my hand badly and scratched it up, all I was doing was stroking her like she normally likes but I guess today she didn't and she really sank her teeth in and wouldn't get go so I put up with the pain until she did let go but my hands in a sorry state today and my other hand has swollen up from vibration form a power tool I was testing.

I am sat down now with my favourite apple pie smoothie which I add a banana too which I love it makes the day seem a bit better sat here sipping something with lots of flavours, there is apple, a big hint on cinnamon and banana and coconut, which isn't everyone's taste I know but I love it and its really cheap too, I find strong flavours help my mood when I am feeling down or had a bad day 

 Any day now I want to reconnect my ps4 and try to play it because I've missed it a lot

I wish I had some friends or something to do in the evening but at the moment I don't feel up too much but I may have to go back to see a doctor in the next few days if I keep feeling sick

Iv wondered about taking my doctor up on the offer of Dihydrocodeine Instead of codeine but I am worried that it's not as good for pain relief 

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Hi Jerry.

My heart goes out to you, it really does. If you need someone to speak to I know a few groups that meet regularly and maybe they have one close? Andysmanclub, it's a place where you can meet, have a hot drink, a chat and unwind in a safe place. I've met people from all kinds of backgrounds with a variety of issues. They also have social media pages where you can chat with someone if you need it. If you cant do face to face or need a chat I highly recommend the Samaritans. They have helped me so many times in the past.

What you got on PS4 I'm getting a new connection this month and want to get back into gaming as well. I love co op games if you know any?

I hope that at least you get some sleep tonight and the strength to get through another day

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On 3/6/2019 at 1:24 PM, FerryJerry said:

other players are better than me so I lose to them and I get upset and yell and shout and then feel helpless and upset so I stopped playing because I can't handle that, when I was young I was a video kid I would play games and do well but not anymore

i totally get this. i used to be a big online gamer, but these days i don't have the energy to deal with the toxic gaming culture. i'm the kind of person that doesn't enjoy it unless im good enough to not feel helpless as you said.

that being said, i still enjoy very immersive single player games like RPGs (Skyrim, Dark Souls, etc.). i recognize that immersing myself in these types of games is a distraction from my bigger problems... but man what a distraction they are! 

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5 hours ago, Ratvan said:

Hi Jerry.

My heart goes out to you, it really does. If you need someone to speak to I know a few groups that meet regularly and maybe they have one close? Andysmanclub, it's a place where you can meet, have a hot drink, a chat and unwind in a safe place. I've met people from all kinds of backgrounds with a variety of issues. They also have social media pages where you can chat with someone if you need it. If you cant do face to face or need a chat I highly recommend the Samaritans. They have helped me so many times in the past.

What you got on PS4 I'm getting a new connection this month and want to get back into gaming as well. I love co op games if you know any?

I hope that at least you get some sleep tonight and the strength to get through another day

I play the last guardian for ps4 which is good, also the new tomb raider and I play GTA V but gta online has turned toxic

I played tonight and a group kept hunting and targeting me over and over, so I booted up my spare account which is stronger and I fly over them and got them all with one shot and then went offline. 

I also like playing worms on Nintendo switch.

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I don't have much offline but I should have therapy next month in April. 

At the moment I just feel exhausted but I'm proud I managed to get my ps4 working. I thought I had destroyed it when the shelf fell down and it crashed on the floor but it works fine.

I feel very low tonight, my father hardly wants to talk anymore since he found his new girlfriend

I dunno

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