Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
GAJ123

Why does it feel like things just work out for most people yet not for certain others?

Recommended Posts

Posted (edited)

It seems most places I go most people are already in relationships or have a group of friends with them. Yet outside of people that know each other already I notice no one is social at all. So how are so many people meeting others as friends or getting relationships when anywhere I go if a woman is by herself for instance she just keeps to herself or is glued to her phone or something else. I don’t understand how others just have good social lifes & can get relationships so easily while others no matter what just can’t do anything about it. The advice I always get is to join clubs or some other thing just to be on the same level as others that seemingly don’t have to put so much effort in. Things just seem to work out for them for no reason at all while for others they have to do dozens of different things & try hard just to try to be on the same level. Why does life have to suck so bad?

Edited by GAJ123

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, BillyC said:

I feel you. I see things that way too. But I know we dont know what else may be going on in their life that's not so good. So I try not judge, but it's hard and sometimes I get resentful, I'm ashamed to admit. 

Yeah true, but I know for sure at least 90% of people I see when out likely have better overall lives than I do. My life just sucks all around in every area. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know. It's hard for some of us. There seems to be people out there with no worries. We should form our own clique lol. I hope it gets better for you. Hang in there!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry that you are in such a hard place. I find it does no good when I have compared myself to others. I believe we all have different paths to walk and to learn what we need to be. I have had to lower the expectations that I had of myself. I’m suffering form a debilitating illness and so are you. So we can look at the things we can do and accept what we can not control. We don’t all need to be at a certain level. Hang in there with us. We are here to support you as best we can. 

BW

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

My entire eight year art school experience I’ve struggled to just be mediocre, while being surrounded by people who create things which are inspired, original, and high quality with seemingly half the effort. They could just be harder, better and stronger, but I’ve realized that having a genuine interest in what they’re doing probably goes a long way too. Once that dawned on me, I stopped caring less about how far ahead, or how much better they may be, or the bright futures that lay ahead of them. This is not what I’m passionate about. It makes sense that those who do hold the passion would have an easier time at it. This is what they live for. I knew seven years ago I had gotten myself into something my heart wasn’t in, and I was too stupid to get myself out before it was too late. I still hope that before I’m 40 I stumble upon something that I am passionate about and have an incredible knack for. 

Edited by SqueezeWax

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/4/2019 at 12:48 PM, GAJ123 said:

Things just seem to work out for them for no reason at all while for others they have to do dozens of different things & try hard just to try to be on the same level. Why does life have to suck so bad?

Yes, that seems to be the case in so many areas -- relationships, academics, career, etc. The complaint that "life is not fair" is met with the response that "the universe is not fair," which doesn't really help all that much.

This is why I avoid comparing myself with others. Unfortunately, in some cases it's unavoidable, such as when interviewing for jobs and even keeping a job in the face of competition (or something worse like backstabbing coworkers).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/4/2019 at 8:48 PM, GAJ123 said:

It seems most places I go most people are already in relationships or have a group of friends with them. Yet outside of people that know each other already I notice no one is social at all. So how are so many people meeting others as friends or getting relationships when anywhere I go if a woman is by herself for instance she just keeps to herself or is glued to her phone or something else. I don’t understand how others just have good social lifes & can get relationships so easily while others no matter what just can’t do anything about it. The advice I always get is to join clubs or some other thing just to be on the same level as others that seemingly don’t have to put so much effort in. Things just seem to work out for them for no reason at all while for others they have to do dozens of different things & try hard just to try to be on the same level. Why does life have to suck so bad?

I move around a lot, the longest I have stayed in one place is 5 years. I have noticed that as time goes by it becomes more and more difficult to form lasting or meaningful relationships. I've tried joining clubs numerous times with mixed results. Some I have made friends with certain member's and we have become close friends. Other's I might get a few words out of in a few hours while we are having a game. I don't really have an answer but what I do is just be myself. If people talk back great, if not, well great I can hold  a conversation with myself, heck sometimes I have three way arguments with myself. I try and measure happiness by my own yardstick and try and not compare my lives to others

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Based on my life experience, I hardly make any friends. There are times in my life  I cliqued with someone and we become friends. I see them as bench marks in my time line, then they fade away in my life. Some give mere rare text backs once in a blue moon. Now, I am alone. What I learn now is try to make friends in where I like to do,  but most part I do whatever I want to do, and care less about ppl. Sadly now, my schedule ****ed up my potential social life because of  late work. Life is short and I can’t for the next future friend show up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, it is just not fair that some people have it better than you--it seems like lots of bad people have it good and the people that are good people have it bad sometimes..seems it has always been that way for me..some people get handed stuff on a silver platter and don't have to lift a finger and other people have to work their ass off and are barely scraping by--just sucks!! =-((( 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Man, I’m such a loser. I matched with a really good looking Brazilian girl on one of the dating apps & she flat out hinted at me taking her out to dinner. I’m too nervous to agree to it & have severe stress at the thought of going out with her. Why can’t I just be normal & be able to do things without having severe stress & low moods from letting me do anything? It’s likely going to be another missed opportunity because I’m too stressed out at just the thought of going out to dinner with her. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It’s like where do I draw the line here. I feel I can’t do anything out of my comfort zone due to all my health issues. If I do than I’m just in severe constant stress where I’m than forced to stay in my comfort zone to end the severe constant stress. I mean what am I supposed to do? This is just a complete disaster of a life & it’s never going to end. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

It’s like where do I draw the line here. I feel I can’t do anything out of my comfort zone due to all my health issues. If I do than I’m just in severe constant stress where I’m than forced to stay in my comfort zone to end the severe constant stress. I mean what am I supposed to do? This is just a complete disaster of a life & it’s never going to end. 

I can relate. I've got a "chance" with a woman but I don't want to subject her to my health issues. Plus I'm still not over losing my apparently former girlfriend (who I never met in person but was very emotionally close to for three years).

My comfort zone keeps shrinking as time goes by.

My advice? Go have fun with the woman you met. It doesn't have to be anything serious. Go eat pizza and shoot the breeze. You could very well wind up with a good friend--if not a romance!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
11 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Oh heck. Did she sound accusatory though?

Maybe she was wondering how she could bring you out of your shell. I dunno.

Not really but it’s definitely not a good sign. From my experience, women absolutely don’t like shy guys. They view it as a weak trait in a guy. I don’t even want to bother responding to her anymore. And deep down it gives me a little comfort sadly knowing I’m back in my comfort zone. lol it can’t get any worse than my life man. It’s such a joke being me. 

Edited by GAJ123

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

Not really but it’s definitely not a good sign. From my experience, women absolutely don’t like shy guys. They view it as a weak trait in a guy. I don’t even want to bother responding to her anymore. And deep down it gives me a little comfort sadly knowing I’m back in my comfort zone. lol it can’t get any worse than my life man. It’s such a joke being me. 

Here's the thing...there are some women who appreciate guys who aren't loud, assertive douchebags. Like you and I, those women are out of the mainstream so we don't encounter them that often. But I assure you that they are out there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, JD4010 said:

Here's the thing...there are some women who appreciate guys who aren't loud, assertive douchebags. Like you and I, those women are out of the mainstream so we don't encounter them that often. But I assure you that they are out there.

I just don’t know how it’s came to this though. My life is a complete nightmare that never ends. I never could have imagined that this would be my life at my age. It’s incredibly depressing & makes me feel horrible. I pretty much am literally just existing for no reason. I’m just a useless waste of damn space. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

I just don’t know how it’s came to this though. My life is a complete nightmare that never ends. I never could have imagined that this would be my life at my age. It’s incredibly depressing & makes me feel horrible. I pretty much am literally just existing for no reason. I’m just a useless waste of damn space. 

Yeah. Same here. I had optimism about my future when I was young, even though I've always been weird.

However, I'm not very smart nor am I good looking. Every morning I wake up dreading what I'll face throughout the day.

I'm 59 now so my good times are probably gone from here on out. Some days I wonder why I bothered to stop drinking. If I hadn't, I'd be dead now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, GAJ123 said:

Not really but it’s definitely not a good sign. From my experience, women absolutely don’t like shy guys. They view it as a weak trait in a guy. I don’t even want to bother responding to her anymore. And deep down it gives me a little comfort sadly knowing I’m back in my comfort zone. lol it can’t get any worse than my life man. It’s such a joke being me. 

Sorry to tell you I have no problem dating a shy guy. Please do not ghost this woman she already knows enough about you to know you are shy if that has not stopped the conversation what would it hurt to go out with her. You may not find a lover or whatever but you could gain a friend. You have no idea what she as faced in her life, just as she has only seen bits of you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...