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allowing yourself to be happy?


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does anyone ever have the feeling that you're not allowing yourself to be happy? (whether consciously or subconsciously)

sometimes when i find myself feeling happy, it's almost an uncomfortable or embarrassing feeling.

it's like something inside me wants to correct for it, like "stop acting so weird, you're supposed to be reserved, stoic, dark"

i'm afraid there's something very deeply rooted in my mind that is resisting change. i also had this thought that maybe its a conflict between my meds inducing an "artificial" happiness that my mind recognizes isn't organic?

feels like the movie Inception, but in my head, and not very entertaining. 😕

 

 

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Since i was child i was a wird kid and looking for happiness.i looked up to my older brother.he was marrried at that time and is a really happy man. And i  thought when i grow up to that age i will find happiness.but now i think those days were the best days of my life.i have never found happiness.and each year it seems unreachable.i tried many activities to enjoy but why aren't as they used to be.i didn't try drugs yet to judge about its feeling.

Edited by Snow47
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Sometimes when I feel happy I think something bad is going to come along and ruin it for me..I think my happiness is always short lived and that I better enjoy it while it lasts...hope that made sense..8-// 

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We are supposed to be in pursuit of happiness.

It's a fundamental right.

Sometimes we catch up to the elusive happiness moment and sometimes we don't.

I find it helpful to store my happy memories in easily accessible treasure chests in my vast depression cave.

The numerous bad memories I have I try to consign to the deep hopefully inaccessible pits of my metaphorical depression cave.

It's an ongoing balancing adventure.

Life is too short to feel guilty about feeling happy.

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you make a good point...I guess I should try to cherish the happy times and try to embrace it so when the happiness fades and the bad things creep back in, I can look back on my happy times and smile..8-]]

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1 hour ago, Paris43 said:

Sometimes when I feel happy I think something bad is going to come along and ruin it for me..I think my happiness is always short lived and that I better enjoy it while it lasts...hope that made sense..8-// 

Me too.

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4 hours ago, evalynn said:

When something good happens, it feels like I don't "deserve" it, and I feel a bit guilty.

Me too. Denying myself happiness was also a safety behavior for me - anything that could vanish or might be taken away from me, I would reject to spare myself the feeling of loss.

Took a shed full of therapists for me to eventually come to terms. Loss isn't so scary now that I'm more confident I have the wherewithal to survive it. 

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Happiness is a form of action; it’s an activity, not something that is passively bestowed upon you... You don’t find it waiting for you in a place, an idea, a job. 

-Mark Manson

I’m chasing for happiness all the time, never reaching it. Cos every time I do, I know this too shall pass. And pass it does. And I hate those long periods of time when I face one problem after another. So I suppose I have reached happiness before, but I will stop myself short, I’m always mindful that it’ll pass, times of happiness are times I brace myself for it to disappear and something horrible to happen, which usually does. Cos this is Life, so just be thankful whenever happiness comes, if it comes at all. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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thanks everyone for your responses.

i think this uncomfortable feeling i'm having could certainly be explained as a "guilt" for not earning happiness, just experiencing it.

it also makes context in the sense of my medication doing job that i feel i should be doing myself ("generating" happiness)

 

On 3/1/2019 at 9:22 PM, Depressedgurl007 said:

Happiness is a form of action; it’s an activity, not something that is passively bestowed upon you... You don’t find it waiting for you in a place, an idea, a job. 

-Mark Manson

it's funny how often i need to remind myself of this - that happiness is often the pursuit itself. the process of thriving, and reaching for goals, etc etc.

as sad as it sounds, i think what i subconsciously want is to feel satisfied to not be ambitious. seems like there are tons of people out there settling for mediocrity and being fine with it.

but that seems so depressing to admit that it just reinforces my depression. fml

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mediocrity = comfort = also a trap.

You have to be VERY VERY emotionally strong and settled to accept mediocrity and be happy. More than a decade ago, I started to wonder, the pursuit of true excellence is so demanding that it can lead to depression, sitting around doing nothing, also made me feel low. 

I found some happiness in achievement, the harder I pushed , the more rewards I got, Then that got old too 🙂

Now my mantra is variety and balance. Do varied things, try them and seek out what makes you tick. I almost feel that happiness may be too nebulous a thing to pursue. In its absence, you can try to pursue other things... 

I am now in a strange place, where I am battling my desire to be conservative and live a mediocre life and save for the "the future" OR be more spendy and live the best life I can now... 

Its a struggle, but its a good struggle to have.. Like others have said, happiness may be fleeting, found in the moment. 

I feel motion helps... move your thoughts amongst various pursuits and move your body through excercise. Another thing that helps me is go do what you think is impossible. 

 

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The important thing about balance is we don't achieve it but rather we must maintain balance.

I like to think of a tightrope walker performing a near impossible balancing act by constantly making small adjustments.

A good metaphor for life.

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On 3/4/2019 at 10:33 AM, sleepystupid said:

I think this uncomfortable feeling i'm having could certainly be explained as a "guilt" for not earning happiness, just experiencing it.

I would say that this is when you remind yourself that happy is an emotion. Are we supposed to know always/every time why we feel a certain way? No. Nobody can. 

On 3/1/2019 at 6:22 PM, Depressedgurl007 said:

Happiness is a form of action; it’s an activity, not something that is passively bestowed upon you... You don’t find it waiting for you in a place, an idea, a job

The concept of a "happiness trap" is something of a mindful revolt against the belief that if you're not happy then there's something wrong that needs to be fixed.

There's no human way to sustain happiness all the time and this is not a problem. 

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On 3/1/2019 at 9:25 AM, sleepystupid said:

does anyone ever have the feeling that you're not allowing yourself to be happy? (whether consciously or subconsciously)

I don't think it has anything to do with any choice I'm making, consciously or not. I wish it did...

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12 hours ago, Atra said:

 There's no human way to sustain happiness all the time and this is not a problem. 

this is a fair point, but i think there's a distinction between micro happiness (which you can feel as an emotion) and macro happiness (that is perhaps closer to a state of being?) 

i can certainly feel happiness in doing things i enjoy like playing video-games, or going to a concert or comedy show.

but if someone were to ask me whether i was "happy" with my life, the answer is unequivocally "no."

if they were to then ask "why?", i'm not even sure what i'd say.

it often feels like the micro stuff is just a distraction from the macro feeling - i suppose the question is why aren't the little things in life enough for me?

it is certainly a trap as you say.

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On 3/4/2019 at 3:04 PM, in_need_of_help82 said:

You have to be VERY VERY emotionally strong and settled to accept mediocrity and be happy.

agreed. i suppose emotional strength is a thing that many of us are lacking, given we're on a depression forum 😅

@in_need_of_help82  i like your idea of variety, the the proverbial "spice of life" - that experiencing all the things this world has to offer may not be happiness itself.. but in the absence of it, what the hell else are you going to do?

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4 hours ago, sleepystupid said:

agreed. i suppose emotional strength is a thing that many of us are lacking, given we're on a depression forum 😅

@in_need_of_help82  i like your idea of variety, the the proverbial "spice of life" - that experiencing all the things this world has to offer may not be happiness itself.. but in the absence of it, what the hell else are you going to do?

 

One note -something I have spend a lot of time thinking about...  short term happiness and the habits we use to get it. I think it matters what we do with our free time... there are lots of things that we choose to do ( like you said are distractions.) but if thats all you do , esp if they are not improving you as a person, can lead to erosion of long term satisfaction... Basically , we have to work at it... picking up a hobby that in the end gives you something to be proud of may be a better investment. 

I will be honest, I have lots of bad habits, that give me immense joy in the short term... but leave me feeling hollow.. 

 

Yup, Thats what I mean. What are you going to do? Just keep on living, and keep on pushing, and constantly try to experience life... its a good proxy for a "happy life"

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On 3/1/2019 at 8:19 PM, SqueezeWax said:

I get that feeling sometimes. I’m either afraid that being happy for a moment will supernaturally trigger something catastrophic to happen, or worse I think it means I am content and therefore settling for being average and mediocre. 

Same. I'm afraid the universe will notice me experiencing a flash of happiness and quickly jump in to squash me again--as it has countless times before.

I had something occur earlier today that made me happy. Now that I've admitted it, I know the whammy is on its way.

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18 hours ago, Stand_alone said:

lately, if I want to do something, just do if it will make me happy.

this sounds like the argument i make for just playing videogames and watching TV instead of reconnecting with my passions or "real" hobbies.

you're not wrong though. when i think about how i don't enjoy those things anymore, like music and songwriting, it adds to my depression.

but then i think - what's so wrong with videogames and TV? they make me happy, at least on the surface, and there's a never ending supply of them.

 

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