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I'm a 26 yr old man. I'm really having a hard time. Literally nobody will listen to me or take me seriously. I'm all alone and I have no friends. I was bullied all through school, but not too badly. Now everywhere I go I feel like people are staring at me and making fun of me. I swear I'm not crazy I always hear people laughing and talking about me. I pay attention to my hygiene and my posture. Some stupid teenager tried to throw a basketball in my face at the gym the other day, twice. I barely missed the second time. I ignored him of course because I don't want to create a scene. 

Here I am living at home. My car has had so many mechanical problems and its been a huge hinderance to any financial success. I'm talking mechanical problems costing like $900+. I've had a few one thousand dollar repairs done too. This is a huge reason why I haven't been able to leave home yet, that and jobs just not giving me enough hours. I pay my parents rent, do chores, and buy most of my own food but I'm stuck. We've lived at this house for over twenty three years and my parents are now wanting to relocate to another state. I've been hugely devastated. I don't have the money to pull out and get an apartment or a room so I guess I have to go with them. Its hard to move after 23 years. I've had so many great memories here and I thought this was going to be the house they stayed at forever. I was hoping when I move out that I can come back and visit at this house. Seriously I'm beyond distraught. I've already been having severe depression. I have severe social anxiety and I've never had a girlfriend, probably never will. I'm just at a quarter life crisis, if you will. I've been dealing with depression for many years and this year has by far been the worst. I have been beginning to think of suicide as a legitimate possibility. The only reason I haven't is because I don't want to bring anyone in my family pain. I think about it more and more each day and have almost done it a few times this last January. I really don't see it getting better. I feel trapped and doomed to either die or live a very painfully hard life. 

 

I don't want to have a major change until I get better so I don't attach more depression and more bad memories to a new city and new house. I haven't said anything to them about the  move and I don't feel like I should. I never talk to anyone about my depression anymore because all I get are pep talks, people telling me that its all my fault, stop feeling sorry for myself that I've had the hardships that I've had. I don't think its entirely my fault that I was born different, which lead to being bullied, isolated and ostracized by society, and therefore in time lost confidence in himself. All my friends have ended up betraying me at some point. I've tried to 'toughen up' and 'stop feeling sorry for myself' but that only gets me so far. 

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Welcome new friend to our forum family.

I'm sure many people here can relate to your concerns.

This forum has many supportive and insightful members.

Depression is manageable with determined cleverness.

Keep posting and check out some other posts.

We will help as best we can.

Oscar

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That sounds like a horrible situation to be in. This is my thought, and you can take it or leave it as you please, could this move be a good thing - and opportunity for a fresh start? I got a small town feel from what you were talking about - or at least a small neighborhood. You have essentially lived all your life in the same group of people - who have all watched you grow and change. Therefore, there is a lot of baggage attached to the memories of your life lived there - for both you and the people around you. The old guy who lives at the end of the block remembers the time you rode your bike through his garden. The lady next door remembers when you were little and peed off the deck. Weather or not they mention all this stuff out loud - it is there - hanging over you and your relationships. You are stuck in their memories of you. A move to a new place might allow you to re-invent yourself - to break free of all of the used tos and the might have beens - to start anew. 

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Hi George,

     Let me say first that I am so very, very sorry for the terribly unhappy situation are in and the horrible suffering that it is causing you.  I would feel the same as you if I was in your place.  I'm so sorry.

     I wish I had some great wisdom to share with you but sadly I am at a loss.  I do want to express my great gratitude to you for posting what is happening to you here on the Forums.  So many people here have told me that posts like yours have not only helped them feel less isolated in their suffering but have actually saved their lives. Saved their lives!  People from all over the world will read your post, George and you will save lives.  So I am and we here on the Forums are really profoundly grateful to you for sharing.  I only wish we could be as helpful to you as you have been to us.

     Saving another person's life is one of the greatest, if not the greatest achievement a human being can realize in life.  There is a saying that goes:  "Whoever helps save a life, it is as if that person had saved the entire world." 

     I read a lot of biographies and have learned that often people who save lives are beset with terrible difficulties and anguish in their own lives. 

     My apologies for not having the wisdom to offer you advice about your painful, painful situation.  I do want to tell you that I think you a great person, a person of great moral stature because you have helped me and your post will help so many people around the world who are suffering similar difficulties.  Your post has helped me a lot today and I think you very heroic ! ! !

- epictetus

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You're certainly in the right place here, George.  And thank you for sharing your guts with us.  Many of us completely understand that trapped feeling.  I'd encourage you to share as much as you like, as often as you like, with us.  It might not seem like much in the moment, but sometimes just spilling out the words in a forum like this can give a little relief to the pressure.

You mention not wanting to have a major change until you get better.  I'm wondering if there are low-cost or no-cost community mental health resources where you live?  I understand that in your current frame of mind I may be asking A LOT.  Perhaps some folks here, wiser than me, have more doable suggestions.

Please keep letting us know how you're doing...good or bad or blah.

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Welcome, George! Glad that you reached out to us. You are not alone anymore. We are here for you and understand as few others can. My heart goes out to you and all that you are faced with. Sound likes you could use some professional help in a therapist and also maybe a psychiatrist. There are some that charge on a sliding scale and I had even heard that you can work with a therapist on line. If you do move, you may need the grieve the lost of your life as you knew it so that you can move forward.

You have an illness that you didn't cause and can't control. So be extra easy on yourself. Your illness doesn't have to define you. Please keep coming back, reading, and posting. This should help also.

BW

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Yes, as others have said, Welcome! Although I'm sorry you are dealing with so much, I'm glad you found this place to vent and gather support. As you post and read more, I think that you will find, as I have, that this is a safe haven for those of us who suffer life's hard knocks. If it's ok with you, I will keep you in my thoughts and pray that life will be kinder moving forward. Peace, our new friend. 🕊✌️

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Thanks everyone for your much heartfelt words!  Sorry for my delays on getting back. I had to reset my password and everything. Each and every one of your responses are heartfelt, heartwarming and supportive and helpful. Epictitus thank you for your well though out words. You really got to me. I teared up as I read your response as well as everyone else's. Its been very difficult and I feel like I'm trapped inside a giant plastic bag and can't get out. I can see out but I can't get out. I haven't been able to really get much done lately because I feel so blue. I got that feeling of my own life is about to end, impending doom, almost a personal apocalypse to my life. 

I've got major attachment issues and always have since I was a kid. I become overwhelmed easily. Even going on a vacation out of state for a few days can be pretty overwhelming to be honest. I haven't felt normal in a very long time. I'm always either feeling sad, off, tired, isolated, etc. I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. This town my parents want to move too seems pretty great. Jobs look promising, However it is still…… different, new, and unknown. Its taken me a while to really wrap my head around this and I don't think I even fully have yet. Having lived in the same town, the same house, same people for such a very long time and then having to move away like that seems terrifying. This is where my entire universe has always been. I remember moving once when I was a kid, only three years old and it was hard on me for awhile even then. 

 

For now I'm just focusing on my goals in life. I like to run. That helps and I like going on hikes and climbing mountains. Anyway thanks again for your heartwarming welcoming words. I really needed all this support today you have no idea. I hope you all have a great night and stay safe. 

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I wish I could give everyone a heart but I guess I hit my limit already 😞

Again thanks for all the support. Just taking life a day at a time. I will reach out and provide my condolences however I can. To everyone, a great day!

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This was a hard week, but I am doing a lot of things to help myself: therapy (individual and group) and Al-Anon. Plus work. Also got a referral to a psych to start some meds. So I'm trying hard. Thanks for letting us know you are hanging in there. 😌

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