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wiredbuttired

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I'm new here and hoping that talking to others may help. I went through a series of traumas and ended up with severe insomnia, depression and anxiety. I am into nutrition and natural medicine so taking medication is very difficult for me. I've been given many different meds and only had severe side effects. Recently started on mirtazapine, 15 mg. This will be my third night. Read everything here about it.  I panic all day debating whether to take it or not. So afraid to get dependant on another medication but I am so desperate. Benzos are the only thing that has helped so far but I'm developing a tolerance. I'm asking for support and reassurance in regards to this medication. 

It calms me but so far, does not help me sleep or nap. I have less anxiety for the first part of the day then the anxiety starts creeping back in with panic attacks especially when I try to nap. At night I end up taking temazapam, 15 mg, at least twice just to get a few hours of sleep. 

I'm just so tired but at least I'm calm at night on the mirt. I've lost weight due to anxiety and the mirt has allowed me to eat a little. I'm very malnourished.

Please don't tell me the negative aspects of this med. I've read up on it. I'm just so afraid to become dependant on it and afraid of gaining to much weight. I'm not having any side effects so far other than not being able to fall asleep without benzos. Before Mirt, I could sometimes sleep a bit on my own at the beginning of the night.

I tried a half of tablet, 7.5mg last night and feel a lot more anxious today.

I just don't know what to do. I've exhausted natural medicine so medication is my last resort.

Please talk with me. I'm just so scared. Thank you so very much.

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