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I’ve posted about this elsewhere on the forums but I figured why not, right?

For the past 3 years, so since the end of 8th grade, I’ve been dealing with on and off gender discontentment. I don’t want to call it dysphoria but I think that’s what it is. These feelings only ever come around when I’m depressed. It’s like one week I can be totally confident being a man and the next I hate everything about it. It makes me upset how distant a future where I can be relieved of my gendered duties is when I’m depressed. It’s been seeping  more and more into my right-minded subconscious I think, or I’m just more depressed lately, because I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Idk. What do you think?

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Hi Cent,

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, this gender discontentment or dysphoria.  It only happens when you are depressed?  Has it ever happened to you when you were not depressed?  What do you think it means?   Depression can be so brutal and can affect every aspect of a person's life.  

I read something about depression being sometimes emasculating.  But I read that article about 30 years ago and I no longer remember the author or title.  I hope you will get a lot of good responses to your post.  Sorry I I cannot be helpful.   - epictetus

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Hi there--I am just curious if you have a doctor that you can talk to about this?? I hope you get the answers you are looking for..I think coming to this website is a start, talking about things is a good beginning..8-]]

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I've had the types of feelings you have my whole life except I would never say I felt like a confident man once in my life.  I was born a man supposedly but inside I've always felt female.  Sometimes I feel like a scared little girl and other times I feel like Buffy the Vampire slayer but never a confident man.  I have never wanted to be a man but will never get surgery because I don't trust doctors.

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I go to a therapist and less often a psychiatrist. They agree that it’s probably just a function of my depression

On 2/14/2019 at 2:11 PM, Paris43 said:

Hi there--I am just curious if you have a doctor that you can talk to about this?? I hope you get the answers you are looking for..I think coming to this website is a start, talking about things is a good beginning..8-]]

 

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Thanks for your insights. That’s the reason I’m so hesitant to embrace that part of me, including that the time I tried a few years ago blew up in my face. I just can’t help but be skeptical of myself.

On 2/14/2019 at 2:22 PM, sober4life said:

I've had the types of feelings you have my whole life except I would never say I felt like a confident man once in my life.  I was born a man supposedly but inside I've always felt female.  Sometimes I feel like a scared little girl and other times I feel like Buffy the Vampire slayer but never a confident man.  I have never wanted to be a man but will never get surgery because I don't trust doctors.

 

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You don't have to embrace that part of yourself.  This is a very hard impossible situation to deal with.  The right answer and what you decide to do with your feelings has to be whatever works best for you and makes you happy.  It's going to be very hard for others to tell you what you should do about these feelings.  It's up to you.  I was afraid to talk about any of this stuff at one point until I got blackout drunk when I still drank and accidentally revealed the truth about myself.  I was afraid to come back here and post again.  It was very hard to come back and explain myself but I did it and everyone here fully accepted me and so did mom.

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