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MaepleSyrup

Should I stay or should I go?

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I got another job offer out of the area. I get to keep my full time job, but I'd have to leave my part time one, which is fine by me. If I take this opportunity, I get to be more involved with my job that I love more than anything. I'd finally have more time to spend at work and make more money. I've been wanting to be at work more for a while now. I'd be able to help my coworkers more too.

But in the meantime, I have to leave my art club thing (where I socialize with those people I've been constantly mentioning in previous threads). I also have to leave behind some old coworkers too that I have grown a bond with. But I have not officially decided on leaving yet, so I'm now stuck between these two sides.

This has been my doing.

Ive been wanting to start new. I found that I didn't want to be around the group so I looked at offers I could possibly snag to leave this social life behind. I didn't want to feel that constant dread of not fitting in. Trust me, I did try making things work out. But it just didn't go well.

I wanted to find an opportunity for me to have more time for my own job, too. I love my job. It's my escape. It's my chance to earn more money. Working is something I just love doing compared to art.

But now that I have this opportunity, is it worth it?

Should I really give up my bonds and worries for something I love doing? Should I really throw away my social progress for something I've been wanting to dedicate my time to?

Keep in mind, I have not broke out the news of my potential opportunity to the people I've been talking with and my other long term coworkers. Is my doing really the right choice? Now that I have this chance, I feel bad looking them in the eye knowing that I purposely jumped at an opportunity to leave them.

And honestly, I'm sad to leave my long term coworkers. I shouldn't be. But I am. I don't know how I can bring out the news to the people I've been socializing with if I decide to leave.

What should I do?

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Oh, of course idk the ins and outs of your situation except as you've described it.  Sure you'll be sad to leave some people.  That's normal.  Sure you're a bit anxious about the unknown.  Who wouldn't be?  Who hasn't been?

But it sounds like the positives far outweigh any negatives, imo.

18 hours ago, MaepleSyrup said:

I found that I didn't want to be around the group so I looked at offers I could possibly snag to leave this social life behind. I didn't want to feel that constant dread of not fitting in. Trust me, I did try making things work out. But it just didn't go well.

I think that's the most telling mental health statement of all.  Perhaps an extreme example, but it sounds similar to those of us who have had to leave abusive relationships.  The abuse is familiar and more comfortable - we're attuned to expect the abusiveness - and the unknown, however healthy, is more scary b/c it is the unknown.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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3 hours ago, BeyondWeary said:

If I understood right, the new job is what you really love to do. I think that is a rare opportunity to get a job that you love. Would you be able to still keep in touch with the people from your old job in some way?

BW

My new job is a more tolerable job compared to my current part time job. My full time job is the one I really love- which I'll have more time to be at if I were to move 🙂 

I do have a form of contact for my old coworkers! But I also have a form of contact for the other people I had been socializing with. Due to it being hard to keep a conversation going with them, I'm considering on not keeping in touch with them and the group. But I might keep in touch with my coworkers.

I must ask, is that a rude thing to do? To cut out the people that were "potential friends"?

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3 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

Oh, of course idk the ins and outs of your situation except as you've described it.  Sure you'll be sad to leave some people.  That's normal.  Sure you're a bit anxious about the unknown.  Who wouldn't be?  Who hasn't been?

But it sounds like the positives far outweigh any negatives, imo.

I think that's the most telling mental health statement of all.  Perhaps an extreme example, but it sounds similar to those of us who have had to leave abusive relationships.  The abuse is familiar and more comfortable - we're attuned to expect the abusiveness - and the unknown, however healthy, is more scary b/c it is the unknown.

Thank you for that last paragraph.

You're right; I know I'll miss some people- it's normal. I'm willing to do what I can to spend more time and help at work.

As you know, leaving would also mean that I will pull myself away from the group that were "potential friends". Should I break the news to them? If I do, what should I say if they ask to keep in touch?

As harsh as it may sound, we already have a way to stay in touch. But I'm not willing to keep ties with them.

Is that bad? Or rude?

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Y'know, I had to reread a few times and what kept jumping out at me was how much you love your work.  For many of us, that would be HUGE.  imo, talk about personal fulfillment!

I can only speak to my own experience on those "I"ve left behind."  Few have ever remained in contact, cordial as my departure had been.  This isn't quite the same, but a year ago I was unceremoniously thrown under the bus by the coodinator of a volunteer group.  I documented it when I left and laid it out on social media.  What surprised me, contrary to my usual experience, is that my friends in the group remained my close friends...to this day!  I guess what I'm trying to say is you might let go of expectations in that regard.

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Thank you on the first paragraph! I am addicted to working. I have to always do something. And usually, we're short staffed so I've gotten used to hectic shifts. I hope everyone finds a job that they love. It's really beneficial mentally, especially since you don't dread it. So I hope the same happens to everybody else 🙂

7 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

I guess what I'm trying to say is you might let go of expectations in that regard.

I appreciate you sharing your experience. It's quite reassuring in a sense. Which expectations should I let go? The expectations of cutting ties with them?

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Again, only my opinion based on limited information, ok?  You may have a few with whom you'd like to stay in touch.  Fine.  Do it.  See how/if they respond.  If not, let it go.

Also, it's ok if you have no interest in responding yourself to some of them.

I realize I may have inadvertently upped the anxiety level by suggesting a laissez-faire attitude.  otoh, you may be having enough fulfillment in the new position not to care.  But mine is only one opinion.  This sounds like a good move for you.

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4 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

Again, only my opinion based on limited information, ok?  You may have a few with whom you'd like to stay in touch.  Fine.  Do it.  See how/if they respond.  If not, let it go.

Also, it's ok if you have no interest in responding yourself to some of them.

I realize I may have inadvertently upped the anxiety level by suggesting a laissez-faire attitude.  otoh, you may be having enough fulfillment in the new position not to care.  But mine is only one opinion.  This sounds like a good move for you.

Thank you for your opinion- it helps a lot. Luckily, they do know I work a lot and they know I have a 12 hour shift every week, so I'm sure that even if I didn't talk, they'd understand

Im not stressed at all with this position, which is a sign that it's a good thing, too 🙂 So I'm glad your opinion leans more towards a positive change!

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The new position sounds like a really great opportunity for you Mae. It's being offered to you which means you've earned it by excelling at your job and showing devotion to it. Not every workplace rewards or recognizes exceptional employees, this sounds like a nice place to work! Whether or not you accept the position, I hope you will take this offer as evidence that you're outstanding. Maybe worth a little celebration dance? 💃 

So you would have to leave art club behind? I'll ask this because art is significant in your life: if those three individuals up and left art club tomorrow, would it be a harder decision to give it up?

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On ‎2‎/‎7‎/‎2019 at 8:10 PM, MaepleSyrup said:

I got another job offer out of the area. I get to keep my full time job, but I'd have to leave my part time one, which is fine by me. If I take this opportunity, I get to be more involved with my job that I love more than anything. I'd finally have more time to spend at work and make more money. I've been wanting to be at work more for a while now. I'd be able to help my coworkers more too.

But in the meantime, I have to leave my art club thing (where I socialize with those people I've been constantly mentioning in previous threads). I also have to leave behind some old coworkers too that I have grown a bond with. But I have not officially decided on leaving yet, so I'm now stuck between these two sides.

This has been my doing.

Ive been wanting to start new. I found that I didn't want to be around the group so I looked at offers I could possibly snag to leave this social life behind. I didn't want to feel that constant dread of not fitting in. Trust me, I did try making things work out. But it just didn't go well.

I wanted to find an opportunity for me to have more time for my own job, too. I love my job. It's my escape. It's my chance to earn more money. Working is something I just love doing compared to art.

But now that I have this opportunity, is it worth it?

Should I really give up my bonds and worries for something I love doing? Should I really throw away my social progress for something I've been wanting to dedicate my time to?

Keep in mind, I have not broke out the news of my potential opportunity to the people I've been talking with and my other long term coworkers. Is my doing really the right choice? Now that I have this chance, I feel bad looking them in the eye knowing that I purposely jumped at an opportunity to leave them.

And honestly, I'm sad to leave my long term coworkers. I shouldn't be. But I am. I don't know how I can bring out the news to the people I've been socializing with if I decide to leave.

What should I do?

Well, to be honest with you my friend it is going to cost you something to move on or to advance to a new career.

You will just have to decide witch one will be the most beneficial to you.  The money and more time on your job

or losing people that you have become some what fun of.  If you need the money and really want to spend more

time on the job it probably is the way to go because with the technology we have today you can still keep your

bond with your old Co- workers.  I wish you nothing but the best in your decision making.   

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23 hours ago, Atra said:

The new position sounds like a really great opportunity for you Mae. It's being offered to you which means you've earned it by excelling at your job and showing devotion to it. Not every workplace rewards or recognizes exceptional employees, this sounds like a nice place to work! Whether or not you accept the position, I hope you will take this offer as evidence that you're outstanding. Maybe worth a little celebration dance? 💃 

So you would have to leave art club behind? I'll ask this because art is significant in your life: if those three individuals up and left art club tomorrow, would it be a harder decision to give it up?

I will certainly celebrate over many cups of coffee (which I shouldn't drink due to my caffeine addiction) XD

Yes, I would have to leave my art club. No, it wouldn't make it hard- it would just be easier for me to lave without having to deal with their reaction upon my decision. But now I'm hearing how ghetto the area is around that work place and the possible criminal records of the employees.

Should I be worried?

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17 hours ago, Floor2017 said:

Well, to be honest with you my friend it is going to cost you something to move on or to advance to a new career.

You will just have to decide witch one will be the most beneficial to you.  The money and more time on your job

or losing people that you have become some what fun of.  If you need the money and really want to spend more

time on the job it probably is the way to go because with the technology we have today you can still keep your

bond with your old Co- workers.  I wish you nothing but the best in your decision making.   

That does make sense. I appreciate that mindset, I completely agree with the more beneficial decision

I will keep in touch with my old coworkers via email. So luckily we can always say hi :) Thank you for the advice!

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22 minutes ago, MaepleSyrup said:

That does make sense. I appreciate that mindset, I completely agree with the more beneficial decision

I will keep in touch with my old coworkers via email. So luckily we can always say hi 🙂 Thank you for the advice!

you are so welcome my friend

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16 hours ago, MaepleSyrup said:

But now I'm hearing how ghetto the area is around that work place and the possible criminal records of the employees.

Should I be worried?

Honestly I don't know. You've worked there for a while, trust your gut and take some sensible precautions when leaving work late at night.

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I would rather do something and have it not work out than to never have tried it at all. Later in  life I don't want to have that "what if" regret. 

Also, you have thought about the pros and cons of this decision, and that is always important, but also listen to yourself on what 'feels' right. On some of the most important decisions I've had to make I was like you, logically thinking everything through, but it wasn't until I felt it, that I knew what I was going to do. And as soon as that moment came it was like a huge burden was lifted and I felt this calmness wash over me. Now, of course it didn't always work out as I had hoped, but then it goes back to what I wrote in the first paragraph. 

And lastly, it's always hard leaving friends/co-workers, but if they are truly your friends then they will be supportive and happy for you. 

I hope this made some sense,  it's hard for me to try and write down what I am thinking. 

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On February 10, 2019 at 2:31 PM, Epictetus said:

How's everything going, MaepleSyrup?  I don't know if I told you before, but I like your screen name. 

Everything is going alright, for the most part. There's some things I still need to take care, of but other than that, I'm doing better than I was before :)

And thank you!

I like yours too- it's cool and unique!

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On February 10, 2019 at 11:07 PM, Atra said:

Honestly I don't know. You've worked there for a while, trust your gut and take some sensible precautions when leaving work late at night.

Will do. The area is not that different compared to the one I'm in currently- but I'll certainly do so

Thank you :)

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On February 11, 2019 at 5:35 AM, Lorax said:

I would rather do something and have it not work out than to never have tried it at all. Later in  life I don't want to have that "what if" regret. 

Also, you have thought about the pros and cons of this decision, and that is always important, but also listen to yourself on what 'feels' right. On some of the most important decisions I've had to make I was like you, logically thinking everything through, but it wasn't until I felt it, that I knew what I was going to do. And as soon as that moment came it was like a huge burden was lifted and I felt this calmness wash over me. Now, of course it didn't always work out as I had hoped, but then it goes back to what I wrote in the first paragraph. 

And lastly, it's always hard leaving friends/co-workers, but if they are truly your friends then they will be supportive and happy for you. 

I hope this made some sense,  it's hard for me to try and write down what I am thinking. 

I appreciate your words.

Im sure they'd understand too, especially when I juggle my two jobs as it is. But hopefully, like you said, they'll understand

Thank you :D 

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