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My brain has literally gone into overdrive so much so that I would get extreme sadness and then a burst of creativity I never knew that I had before. Like as in story telling creativity would burst out of no where. My writing would turn poetic and I would find creativity in that. My senses especially my vision would improve greatly.  I also have this really twisted ability to know what's going to happen next and it does. I am also able to fill in the blanks when I have questioned things. However, despite all this, there is a downside to all this.  I would be lying if I didn't have suicidal thoughts but I haven't self harmed myself though it has come to a stage where I don't like looking at myself in front of a mirror. I shy away because of how ugly I have become due to the poor sleep which I am getting help with but it's taking forever to fix. I also avoid people. Oh and yes I also hear voices in my head.

Any pointers? NO drugs please. Drugs don't fix the problem. They'll lead to an addiction which can be destructive. I keep applying for jobs but my speech and behaviour is turning very robotic. 

 

It feels as though there is a sickness in the air, and I am breathing it in. I also have trouble trusting people and become very paranoid about trust - this is because I have been back stabbed too many times. Too many times that I don't trust anything anymore. My life feels like a paradox and everything is a contradiction.

Edited by Why_Is_life

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What you are describing sounds like some version of bi-polar disorder to me. The cycling from depressive moods to periods of high energy and activity. The sleep disturbances. The voices in your head are quite concerning in my opinion, because they can be indicative of a psychotic break. 

You could likely benefit from medication - but it is possible to manage bi polar without medication. I would recommend finding a therapist. I cannot tell from your profile how old you are - but early to mid 20s is a pretty common time for bi polar to emerge. It can also be diagnosed later in life. There is a pretty strong history of bipolar in my family (father, brother, sister, uncle and at least 1 cousin). If you want to avoid a hospitalization - it is best to get in to talk to someone soon. 

You will be ok I expect, but better safe than sorry. My uncle was hospitalized at least twice that I am aware of and my father once. Take care of you - there is only one of those 😉

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9 hours ago, JessiesMom said:

What you are describing sounds like some version of bi-polar disorder to me. The cycling from depressive moods to periods of high energy and activity. The sleep disturbances. The voices in your head are quite concerning in my opinion, because they can be indicative of a psychotic break. 

You could likely benefit from medication - but it is possible to manage bi polar without medication. I would recommend finding a therapist. I cannot tell from your profile how old you are - but early to mid 20s is a pretty common time for bi polar to emerge. It can also be diagnosed later in life. There is a pretty strong history of bipolar in my family (father, brother, sister, uncle and at least 1 cousin). If you want to avoid a hospitalization - it is best to get in to talk to someone soon. 

You will be ok I expect, but better safe than sorry. My uncle was hospitalized at least twice that I am aware of and my father once. Take care of you - there is only one of those 😉

I not only look ill but don't care for things. Bored of things and I honestly don't give a damn about things anymore. I just want to close my eye one day and never ever wake up. When you die, no one really cares. Money stolen, my heart shattered, my health hanging by a thread, jobless, no partner that I can love but I am ugly, and have aged badly. I am turning gray and honesty has become a crime that we see it as a threat.

Edited by Why_Is_life

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