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KimmiYo

It's like everything I do, isn't good enough...

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I suffer from "Persistent Depressive Disorder" Aka "Dysthymia". I've been diagnosed with this form of Depression since the Summer of 2016, and in my case it's basically the mild form of Major Depression. I get symptoms of Hopeless, Useless, and occasional thoughts of suicide, but I would never act on these thoughts. I get these symptoms twice a week now, from the usually once every 2 to 3 weeks. But with Dysthymia, it usually comes and go anyway.

I also suffer from Adult ADHD and Stress, but I've been suffering these since my early years. I problems sleeping ( insomnia) and when I do fall a sleep I can't seem to feel fully rested (Hype-Insomnia). I also have problems trying to focus on things for a long period of time, which causes me forget things, suffer from terrible migraines and Tiredness even as I type this. 

Around my family, I feels like i'm consistently being put down about my flaws; Like I'm lazy or that I'm Retard.

My family is very dysfunctional, and not really supportive. They seem to care about thing but themselves, and no one else. And with the recent passing of my Grandmother, the only Family Member that understood what I was going through, even when it frustrated her, she still stood by me. But now with her gone, My Light in the Darkness, I feel so alone. especially with my Greedy family members trying to sell all her things and writing me off as nothing but "The Granddaughter" and I was not entitled to anything even if its written in "The Will", no one wants hold a meeting to see who gets what.

Now with my Grandmother gone, It's just me and Non-Biological Grandfather, who consistently ask me to do things like go to the store, ATM, the Liquor store late at night ( 8pm - 12am), but turns around and tells me I don't do anything for him, "I don't cook or that I'm on my phone, but he thinks I'm on my Smartphone playing games, when I'm actually trying to research how to better my situation and/or find a better job that pays more money  and that i'll enjoy so I can live on my own. He also tells me things like "I wouldn't be able to get to my job and/or even have my current job if it wasn't for him letting me use his Jeep to get to and from work. But I keep telling him, I don't have to use his Jeep, I can just take the bus and spend the night a friend's house if I miss the last bus, etc. But the only reason why I don't do this is because I have 2 Emotional Support Cats that I take care of ( the second one is the one I inherited from Grandmother who recently passed.) and I don't know where i'll be without them.

I'm so tried of feeling like this I don't know what to do with myself, and I'm so tired of my family treating me like I'm some worthless thing that has no where to go. 

It makes me believe I really have no place to go, now that my Grandmother is gone...

 

 

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I would say get out if possible distant yourself from them at the very least.  You don’t have to like your family.  It’s okay to not like them.  My mother has said probably 2 words to her sister in the past 3 years and they’re not going to start speaking to each other anytime soon.

I would start working on an escape plan if it’s feasible for your situation.  Do you have a close friend you can stay with?  Even for the short term?  I know people who have bounced around from friends house to friends house when the chips were down.  I think that once you start putting your plan into action you’ll start to feel better.  If your family is making you feel worse, they’re not worth your time.  You deserve better.

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I am so sorry that you are in this situation,  KimmiYo ! 

I wish the people around you would cherish you and be thankful that you exist. 

So many people these days seem to be caught in a outlook that only sees negative things in others.

In your life you have done thousands and thousands of things that were courageous, strong, beautiful, kind and good.  Thousands and thousands!  I wish that those in your family could remember that and appreciate it.

  Seems like in this time, the ability to appreciate others and see the goodness in them is being lost.  

I hope you will lean on us, here in the Forums for the understanding, appreciation, compassion, encouragement and consolation which others deny you. 

We really treasure you here ! ! !  - epictetus

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On ‎2‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 1:54 AM, KimmiYo said:

I suffer from "Persistent Depressive Disorder" Aka "Dysthymia". I've been diagnosed with this form of Depression since the Summer of 2016, and in my case it's basically the mild form of Major Depression. I get symptoms of Hopeless, Useless, and occasional thoughts of suicide, but I would never act on these thoughts. I get these symptoms twice a week now, from the usually once every 2 to 3 weeks. But with Dysthymia, it usually comes and go anyway.

I also suffer from Adult ADHD and Stress, but I've been suffering these since my early years. I problems sleeping ( insomnia) and when I do fall a sleep I can't seem to feel fully rested (Hype-Insomnia). I also have problems trying to focus on things for a long period of time, which causes me forget things, suffer from terrible migraines and Tiredness even as I type this. 

Around my family, I feels like i'm consistently being put down about my flaws; Like I'm lazy or that I'm Retard.

My family is very dysfunctional, and not really supportive. They seem to care about thing but themselves, and no one else. And with the recent passing of my Grandmother, the only Family Member that understood what I was going through, even when it frustrated her, she still stood by me. But now with her gone, My Light in the Darkness, I feel so alone. especially with my Greedy family members trying to sell all her things and writing me off as nothing but "The Granddaughter" and I was not entitled to anything even if its written in "The Will", no one wants hold a meeting to see who gets what.

Now with my Grandmother gone, It's just me and Non-Biological Grandfather, who consistently ask me to do things like go to the store, ATM, the Liquor store late at night ( 8pm - 12am), but turns around and tells me I don't do anything for him, "I don't cook or that I'm on my phone, but he thinks I'm on my Smartphone playing games, when I'm actually trying to research how to better my situation and/or find a better job that pays more money  and that i'll enjoy so I can live on my own. He also tells me things like "I wouldn't be able to get to my job and/or even have my current job if it wasn't for him letting me use his Jeep to get to and from work. But I keep telling him, I don't have to use his Jeep, I can just take the bus and spend the night a friend's house if I miss the last bus, etc. But the only reason why I don't do this is because I have 2 Emotional Support Cats that I take care of ( the second one is the one I inherited from Grandmother who recently passed.) and I don't know where i'll be without them.

I'm so tried of feeling like this I don't know what to do with myself, and I'm so tired of my family treating me like I'm some worthless thing that has no where to go. 

It makes me believe I really have no place to go, now that my Grandmother is gone...

 

 

I'm so sorry to hear this my friend and I hope that you can be given the strength and the resources

to help better your living conditions

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A note to your dysfunctonal family Kimmi.  "Rosa's Law. as mandated by Mr. Obama:

Under the law, “mental retardation” and “mentally retarded” will be stripped from federal health, education and labor policy. “Intellectual disability” and “individual with an intellectual disability” will be inserted in their place. The rights of individuals with disabilities will remain the same.

Though not specifically addressed by the new federal mandate, "tard" and "retard" used to refer to the intellectual disabled, are also to be avoided.  I had an uncle who was intellectually challenged, and he never much liked being called "Tard" or "Retard." 

Nothing personal.

Bulgakov

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