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I worry i'm gonna die before I get better


Zagor

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I have severe depression and anxiety. Also recently I found out I have water retention but seems like it is benign according to the doctor. How is it benign when I cannot urinate? Stress is through the roof. I worry about my sick family who mean everything to me. Oh and I am too old Im 39 almost 40. I am hopeless and helpless.

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You're not old at all. Human lifespan is about 85, so you're almost middle-aged. Have you sought a second opinion in regards to your water retention issue? Doctors are fallible and it's recommended you see several specialists if the first one dismisses your concerns while your health situation does not improve. I hope things work out well for you. Take heart! It might seem difficult, but I'm confident that your health will improve. God bless you!

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5 hours ago, Zagor said:

Oh and I am too old Im 39 almost 40. I am hopeless and helpless.

Age...of all the things to worry about, something no one can possibly control. If I've learned one thing from my brief time studying Stoic philosophy, it's not to sweat the things that are impossible to control. As depressives, we already spend most of our time worrying about accomplishing the tasks that are within our power, for the affliction fights us every step of the way. Why add to that something like age, which makes a ruin of us all in the end?

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This age might be OK from someone else's point of view. I mean I missed a lot since 24 years old (and 12-19) and now chasing even physical health problems is horrific for me. If I was at least now mentally healthy I would say OK life is good and so on. I know it is out of my control but if I could not worry about everything that's out of my control I would be quite healthy.

This is day 4 where I look like a barrel around my waist. It hurts. The doctors I saw had 2 different opinions. The "family guy" had no opinion just said it is constipation while a much better doctor at emergency room examined me but also wasn't sure why I got fluid in my  small intestine. Could be a certain med. It's been about 2 years that I couldn't piss properly which came on suddenly and we thought it is due to a medication I take for pain even though I was suspicious how did it came all of a sudden? Now I can't do it at all nor do I get any urge to. Can't eat or drink. Can't lay on left or right side.

 

Thanks for support Lucian and Mr BH

 

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It sounds like the anxiety is unbearable right now, amplifying your suffering. I know how it is when you can't switch it off and I am so sorry you're in such emotional and physical pain. 

I want to let you know that I'm also having a problem urinating and after determining that my medications aren't causing it, I'm going back to the urologist as I suspect something may be up with my prostate. I've been anxious about it, too. We don't know what's causing these problems of ours. So let's be mindful that "We don't know" is not the same as "we DO know that it's really bad" - that would be anxiety talking. 

Lets concede it's damn frustrating waiting for some relief. This together with doctors seemingly bewildered leaves us more vulnerable to mental illness symptoms causing mayhem. When you start to feel overwhelmed, remember to check the facts: you were concerned so you did something about it by seeking medical advice. The doctors don't see this as life-threatening problem. The pain sucks but it's tolerable. You can use distress tolerance techniques to reduce stress and anxiety arising from this problem.

You've got more than half your life to live and you're not hopeless or helpless but you are suffering right now. You made a great decision to let us know this so we can support you.

I hope you can get some rest tonight.

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Atra thank you for your support. You are trying to calm me down while you are going through health issues your self. Thanks a lot. I ended up in ER again yesterday. The doctor upon exam said he thinks it is due to my medication taper. I wanted to leave but he insisted that I stay for blood work. On the end he didnt change his opinion. Well I still got turtle-back belly and pain. I went to Walmart and had to use one of those electric carts.

When it comes to age I will just leave it at "if I get mentally normal maybe age will not matter".

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23 hours ago, Zagor said:

When it comes to age I will just leave it at "if I get mentally normal maybe age will not matter".

Sounds pretty good, so I'll tell myself this too. Body and mind both not working properly beckons one's thoughts to the darker places so we'll need to look for the silly things that remind us not to be so awfully serious about life. 

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A person will put up with an awful lot of shortcomings, mediocrity and fragility in exchange for real love. Don't count yourself out of the game, not until you're in a pine box with dirt on all sides. 

Then again on the other hand, I am a worthless, loathsome piece of crap according to depression. So I follow your thinking. 

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