Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
HopeBoi

"Pure" OCD, DESPERATE for help, support, advice!!

Recommended Posts

I have had many obsession in the past, and solved them over time, but each time, a new obsession with a different theme sprung up. Now, during a period of social isolation for about 2 weeks, I emerged with an unsolvable one with all the symptoms of "pure ocd"- I know that ancient people were probably unhygenic at times, and during war they might have not showered or wiped their butts. After trying to assure myself that anceint people were not all that dirty, and probably did not have butts with a lot of...poop (sorry!), I went into a deep loophole full of visual thinking, googling, reassurance seeking, "logic", and that obsession was set. 

I am a pretty creative person, and love exploring stories and movies and ideas. Now, for the last 3 weeks, I cannot even read  a book, play a game, or watch a movie based in the ancient world/about war without gagging or getting anxiety. I use hella compulsions. Does not work. This depressed me, as my outlets of creativity were the only things keeping me sane (im going through a bit of a rough patch)..

I have stopped all rumination, compulsions, googling, reassurance seeking, but I cannot have "pure" ideas anymore. I am scared of going into the real world because there are so many triggers for my obsessions. I cant think straight, and worry that if I think freely, I will come across an idea thats...."contaminated" by poop because it invloves someone who did not wipe or something. Its on my mind 24 7, I cant enjoy hobbies that literally built my life, and have upheld my life currently.

I have emailed many OCD centers, who did say I have all the symptoms of OCD and cannot give me treatment or diagnosis without parents permisission. I cannot tell anyone about this, wayyy too embarassing. 

I need help/support!!

(background- even before this, I am on the brink of harming myself because of BDD, way too many life circumstances gone wrong, etc).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi HopeBoi.

I am so sorry you are experiencing these obsessions.  Obsessions can be so draining and scary.  Are you in school?  If so, do you think you could talk about your suffering with a school counselor?   If you are not comfortable disclosing the details of your obsessions, you could talk about them just in general terms.  I don't know, but perhaps a school counselor could be a mediator for you with your parents.  

I am so sorry that I am so poor in wisdom.  Hopefully you will get many responses to your post. 

I do want to welcome you to the Forums.  You are not alone!!!

- Epictetus

PS:  In some countries there are free public libraries.  Often they have self-help books on OCD.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

HopeBoi, your post reminds me so much of my own experience with OCD. Unfortunately, OCD does not go away on its own, and I can say from experience that it can truly take over your life and disable you. Don't just keep struggling; seek treatment. Self-help books on OCD can help you get started, but I still strongly recommend seeing a therapist with OCD expertise. You can work through any embarrassment you may feel. I promise that the results are worth it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have severe OCD. It really sucks. I can only think of one thing to say, which is that if you used "logic" for the sort of confirmation rituals you experienced and it didn't help at all even though you felt sure it would help, it is often better to try and distract yourself than anything else.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That sucks, especially when it weasels its way into every part of your life. Yeah and I understand why you wouldn't feel comfortable speaking about it to anyone, it wouldn't make sense to anyone who hasn't or doesn't suffer from the condition. I agree with EntranceScarden on the distraction thing, it helps when you can find something that overrides the importance of the impulsion in your mind. Iv'e also found that sometimes you just have to throw yourself into a situation even if it reminds you or is directly involving your compulsion. At least for me I have found relief from my obsessive thoughts (social anxiety), from doing that among other obsessive thoughts. Of course I don't mean do something over the top but more like try watching a movie you like despite your obsessive thoughts, or even half of it, baby steps. Try reminding yourself of the reasons you like a hobby or activity and try focusing on what you enjoy about those things, despite the thoughts that may "contaminate" your mind. Sometimes its gets easier the longer you keep trying to face your fears or discomforts but worse the longer you try to avoid those things.

Hope this was of any help, pure OCD is HELL and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I'm so sorry your going through this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...