Jump to content

Hello, new member looking for some insight!


Recommended Posts

Hello everyone, I go by Tron. First time ever on any public site, so bear with me if my intro is not too clear or jumps around. I was directed here after looking up why people contemplate suicide in google. It was one of 3 sites recommended for more support. I am going on 50, married with 4 children of whom I love more than life itself. I have done all that I possibly can and more and continuing to do so. I have never considered myself suffering from any form of depression. I had a so childhood and so life with its ups and downs I guess like everyone else. There are times I am not satisfied with my life as far as my accomplishments not being significant enough. My wife sometime states I should be happy with what I have done, it seems I am never happy with what we have done, such as opening and running a small business since 2006, purchased a home sold it and upgraded to a better home, and most importantly helped raise our kids of which 3 are college grads while the 4th still finding himself. Very recently a personal family issue has pushed me into a situation I find myself struggling to deal with. I am raised Catholic, but since becoming an adult I have never been a practicing one for longer than a few years at a time, mainly because of our kids. Anyhow recently I have been doing more soul searching and have begun praying more for help with my issues, after a couple of weeks things took a turn for the better. I was able to sleep through the night and gradually my appetite was returning plus I the knot feeling in my stomach went away. I though all was well until the past weekend when another incident involving same issue ignited again and things went back to worse quickly. I don’t quite understand why at 50 I am not able to control my emotions let alone understand, since I have always been able to do so before. Anyhow not to make the intro to long, there is much more to be said of course, but the forum did advise against, I do not know where to go from here. I simply want to be at peace and grateful for the life I have which if looking outside would say is a great one but being the one inside does not feel so. Technically I feel I have seen enough if I am never going to get more than an inch worth of peace at a time. I would rather not have to go another 10 20 or more years of this. I feel as one grows older things should plateau a bit and become easier, but the opposite seems to be happening for me. And that makes me feel bad at times mainly for my family because I am supposed to be the rock for them but instead the negative energy I must be emitting towards them cannot possibly good for their emotional state now or in the long run. I don’t know I thought maybe others have been through this and could share their experience and prove that I am not crazy! Sorry if I seem to be rambling.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

52 minutes ago, tronhyp said:

I don’t quite understand why at 50 I am not able to control my emotions let alone understand, since I have always been able to do so before.

Maybe that's part of the problem? You bottled everything up for so long, forcing yourself to be stoic while ignoring your emotional needs and now your psyche has reached the limit. 

What you describe very much sounds like depression. This disease manifests itself in different ways, not everybody curls up in bed and cries non-stop. Oftentimes it just results in anhedonia, lacking motivation and energy, not seeing a point in life. 

I would strongly encourage you to seek professional help if things have gotten so bad that you have contemplated suicide. A good therapist can help you figure out what's going on. I would also urge you to see a doctor to check for possible physical causes such as changing hormone levels, thyroid issues, sleep apnea, a lot of things can lead to depression so make sure you rule them out before trying any psychotropic medications.

Since my situation is very different from yours I don't really have any solid advice to offer but I am sure some other members will. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner
Link to comment
Share on other sites

42 minutes ago, tronhyp said:

I have done all that I possibly can and more and continuing to do so.

41 minutes ago, tronhyp said:

"...My wife sometime states I should be happy with what I have done, it seems I am never happy with what we have done..."

It seems like to me, you were very successful in life, and accomplished alot of the things you wanted, and needed to do to live the life you're living now... Perhaps it was harder back then, which is ironically easy for you, and the easy part (now) is seemingly hard for you. Maybe you're missing a new passion or hobby to take on or rekindle at this point. This should be a turning point in your life, to enjoy the things you couldn't wile you were working so hard to get to this point in the earlier points in your life. Live it up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

44 minutes ago, tronhyp said:

Hello everyone, I go by Tron. First time ever on any public site, so bear with me if my intro is not too clear or jumps around. I was directed here after looking up why people contemplate suicide in google. It was one of 3 sites recommended for more support. I am going on 50, married with 4 children of whom I love more than life itself. I have done all that I possibly can and more and continuing to do so. I have never considered myself suffering from any form of depression. I had a so childhood and so life with its ups and downs I guess like everyone else. There are times I am not satisfied with my life as far as my accomplishments not being significant enough. My wife sometime states I should be happy with what I have done, it seems I am never happy with what we have done, such as opening and running a small business since 2006, purchased a home sold it and upgraded to a better home, and most importantly helped raise our kids of which 3 are college grads while the 4th still finding himself. Very recently a personal family issue has pushed me into a situation I find myself struggling to deal with. I am raised Catholic, but since becoming an adult I have never been a practicing one for longer than a few years at a time, mainly because of our kids. Anyhow recently I have been doing more soul searching and have begun praying more for help with my issues, after a couple of weeks things took a turn for the better. I was able to sleep through the night and gradually my appetite was returning plus I the knot feeling in my stomach went away. I though all was well until the past weekend when another incident involving same issue ignited again and things went back to worse quickly. I don’t quite understand why at 50 I am not able to control my emotions let alone understand, since I have always been able to do so before. Anyhow not to make the intro to long, there is much more to be said of course, but the forum did advise against, I do not know where to go from here. I simply want to be at peace and grateful for the life I have which if looking outside would say is a great one but being the one inside does not feel so. Technically I feel I have seen enough if I am never going to get more than an inch worth of peace at a time. I would rather not have to go another 10 20 or more years of this. I feel as one grows older things should plateau a bit and become easier, but the opposite seems to be happening for me. And that makes me feel bad at times mainly for my family because I am supposed to be the rock for them but instead the negative energy I must be emitting towards them cannot possibly good for their emotional state now or in the long run. I don’t know I thought maybe others have been through this and could share their experience and prove that I am not crazy! Sorry if I seem to be rambling.

You are not crazy my friend and it seems that we are almost similar to one another and I do feel your pain

However, I'm going to give you something else to think about, what we are experiencing could be a hereditary

thing and there might be other family members suffering from what we are.  I try to be strong for my children

just in case they experience what I'm going through and hopefully I can help coach them through it since I

have not had any help with mind from the family.  Hang in there my friend and just continue to fight through

your issues and try seeking some professional help for it.  Medication does help some with functioning and

dealing with your problems.  I wish you nothing but the best in the near future.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome Tron! Glad you reached out here. I think sometimes the coping mechanisms we use through life reach a point where they don't work as well anymore and our body reacts. I think a therapist is a great idea to help to understand what is happening. You are not crazy and you are not alone in this. We will be glad to support you through this hard time. Please keep coming back, reading, and posting. It will help. 

BW

Edited by BeyondWeary
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome Tron to our awesome forum family.

Your post was pretty cogent with not too much rambling.

Depression plays havoc with our psyches.

Having said that there are clever strategies we can employ to deal with Old Man Depression.

You invoked the plateau metaphor.

I tend to use a cave metaphor for my depression.

I try to take temporary shelter and avoid long-term residence in the deep, dark, dangerous metaphorical cave.

Maybe this is food for thought.

Keep posting and we will try to help. 

Oscar

Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, tronhyp said:

I don’t quite understand why at 50 I am not able to control my emotions let alone understand, since I have always been able to do so before.

Maybe that's part of the problem? You bottled everything up for so long, forcing yourself to be stoic while ignoring your emotional needs and now your psyche has reached the limit. 

What you describe very much sounds like depression. This disease manifests itself in different ways, not everybody curls up in bed and cries non-stop. Oftentimes it just results in anhedonia, lacking motivation and energy, not seeing a point in life. 

I would strongly encourage you to seek professional help if things have gotten so bad that you have contemplated suicide. A good therapist can help you figure out what's going on. I would also urge you to see a doctor to check for possible physical causes such as changing hormone levels, thyroid issues, sleep apnea, a lot of things can lead to depression so make sure you rule them out before trying any psychotropic medications.

Since my situation is very different from yours I don't really have any solid advice to offer but I am sure some other members will. 

 

Thanks for the response lonelyforeigner! I never really put much thought to bottling things up. In the past when something happened like most people I get upset, a little or a lot, and move on. As far as motivation, I did go back and get my degree a few years back after being tired of the industry I was in for several decades, it wasn't easy but I did enjoy it very much. I do agree though right now one something happens after planning it out and it goes way of track I do find myself asking what's the point in life. I am still cautiously contemplating the therapist issue though, on the forum we can divulge just enough to get some feedback and support, with a therapist it gets a lot personal I believe and I would have to find the right one so as to not feel myself being judged somewhat. I may be off base, but that's how I feel somewhat. I hope you much luck on your battles and again thanks!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, tronhyp said:

with a therapist it gets a lot personal I believe and I would have to find the right one so as to not feel myself being judged somewhat.

A good one will not judge you, like doctors they have seen and heard it all if they've been practicing for a while. It does take a while to find one that you really connect with though. 

I personally found older male therapists to be the most helpful ones despite my expectation to the contrary. At first I thought I would do better with a female therapist since I've always been more at ease discussing personal matters with female friends but as therapists they turned out to be rather dismissive of men's issues. Young therapists are often more personable but I find it hard to take advice from someone who cannot challenge me intellectually and doesn't have the gumption to stand up to me (I'm stubborn beyond belief). 

Edited by lonelyforeigner
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

I'm stubborn beyond belief

Don't feel too bad, I can relate same here. I am just now trying to change my ways somewhat, won't be too easy since it is a serious family trait. I will take your advice on the older male therapist to heart also. Thanks!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, Keemkeem said:

Perhaps it was harder back then, which is ironically easy for you, and the easy part (now) is seemingly hard for you. Maybe you're missing a new passion or hobby to take on or rekindle at this point. This should be a turning point in your life, to enjoy the things you couldn't wile you were working so hard to get to this point in the earlier points in your life. Live it up.

Thanks for your reply Keemkeem. These are great observations. It was hard, but I was focused on raising and being there for my family. They were my whole life. Didn't have too many friends, heck the only friends really were from work and once work ended so did that. I didn't socialize outside of the family and the extended family on the rare holiday or special event occasions. Now they are all grown its pretty much the same and they have their own life. So as you allured to I must find some new things to occupy all the new extra time I now have. Thanks again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Tron, 

Sorry for the late response to your post, but I do want to welcome you to the Forums.

I wish I had some good advice to offer you but sadly I am at a complete loss.  I can really identify with so many of the things you mentioned in your post.

Something that helped me a lot [I am 64 years old] was something I learned from a psychiatrist.  He told me that there are always two ways of looking at things.  One way is to look at them with the attitude of:  "could be better but isn't better."  Naturally this way of looking at things tends to produce feelings of sadness, displeasure, aggravation, anxiety, guilt and anger.

But everything [ I, you, he, she, it, they, those . . . anything and everything ] can be looked at from a different perspective:  "Could be worse, but isn't worse, thank goodness."  That way of looking at things naturally tends to produce feelings of being lucky.  That way of looking at things tends to bring on feelings of gratitude, of relief, of joy, of peace of mind. 

I was raised to generally look at things and always think "could be better, but isn't."  It was very difficult for me to shift perspectives.  For awhile I had little signs posted all over my house with the words: "Could be worse, but isn't worse, thank goodness."  That helped me a lot.

Not everyone can switch perspectives.  There are mood disorders that are linked to organic pathology in the brain.  Untreated, those mental illnesses can make it difficult or even impossible for sufferers to switch perspectives.

Since one can never know whether someone has a mental illness which is a neurological illness with psychiatric symptoms, it would be cruel and heartless to urge someone to "change their perspective."  It would be like rubbing salt into an open wound.  So what I have written here is NOT advice.  I am only sharing with you what has helped me personally.  I am not in your shoes and I would not dare to trespass on the absolute uniqueness of your experiences.

I do want to say that I hope you find something, anything that helps you.  Hopefully these Forums will be of some help to you. They have helped me enormously.

I also want to thank you for posting what you did.  It helps me and others here feel less isolated and alone with our own personal problems and that is not just a healing gift, but a life saving gift.  So thank you so much!!!   - epictetus

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...