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Floor2017

Living without Sex

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3 hours ago, desperateloser said:

Therefore, the reason why most men think of sex is everything is that they know it properly. But they can't have sex properly and whenever they want.

You seem to have a very dim view of men. I think most of us understand that sex is simply something that adds to the enjoyment of life, just like a good dessert or watching a good movie, not something we must have available to us 24/7. 

If a man gets into a relationship with the expectation of being able to have sex whenever he wants then he shouldn't be in that relationship to begin with, a girlfriend or wife should be an equal partner and emotional counterpart, not an object to satisfy our lesser desires. Sex is a mutual activity that should benefit both parties... 

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On 1/14/2019 at 11:56 AM, Floor2017 said:

"Why is sex so important in our lives?

 

Why do we allow sex to over power us and to control us?..."

I think it's a personal option... Maybe it's just to fill a void; To fulfill a selfish purpose; To heal another despite taking on the strain of the responsibility and commitment; To use another;

 

On 1/14/2019 at 11:56 AM, Floor2017 said:

Can we actually learn to live without sex and take our medication and just become happy 😃 for having a peace of mind and a comforting Spirit?

I agree with this.

I don't think this is the type of lifestyle for everyone. It doesn't change any views about whether or not sex is good or makes someone better than someone else, whether or not one chooses to engage in it or chooses to abstain from it. We all have our reasons to live the life we live by despite how damaging or balancing it may be... I guess in the end, we're all happy or come to terms with the decisions we make in the end anyway. Who knows. -shrugs-

Edited by Keemkeem

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4 hours ago, desperateloser said:

It is difficult to explain this to men who have grown up with hormones but also who have grown up in empty adolescence. Even if they get married, they can't have sex when they want.

Sex is one of the actions that shows the man's power in nature and makes him enjoy it most. Therefore, the reason why most men think of sex is everything is that they know it properly. But they can't have sex properly and whenever they want.

Let's say you have a relationship with someone and you spend the most of the 24 hours together. How much of this 24-hour period can you spend on sex? What will be the remaining time? If you can't chat in a multilateral way and there is no emotional satisfaction, can sex solve it?

 

OR MAYBE I'M JUST A ****ING RETARDED VIRGIN.

Sex can not solve life circumstances but it is considered the Icing on the cake. In other

words sex is the moving factor in a healthy relationship and it is the closes to people can

ever become to each other when they are connected as one in that moment. 

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Speaking with clinical detachment, sex is just a natural biological function. Just as breathing and eating are necessary for survival, sex is needed for reproduction. (Well, not so much nowadays, I guess, given medical advances.) I think anything important for survival and reproduction will be powerful and controlling.

I don't think we can remove that power and control completely, unless we can rewrite our genes or rewire our brains.

Unfortunately, lack of sex might worsen depression. There's a community of "involuntary celibates," or incels, where depression seems common. It wasn't like this in the past, but incels nowadays are associated with violence and mental illness. I think many experience depression, but a few chose to act out their anger with violent acts, creating a stigma now popularly associated with the entire community.

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9 hours ago, Grounded said:

If I was a male though and had to choose to either take meds and feel better, or feel bad and be able to have sex

With respect, I don't think "if I was a male" is any more valid a hypothesis than, "if I was black," etc.  I think presumptuousness is an area in which we have to tread lightly and respect the EXPERIENCES of others.  Although I'm a gay man, I have no frame of reference to even begin to fully comprehend the experience of a black transsexual woman.  I must respect HER experience.

To wit, as a gay man, I've for years resented being held to, say, a standard of monogamy by those who are heterosexual and/or who desire to impose their narrow standards on me (i.e., sodomy laws).  They have no clue anything else exists.

Lest I go completely off-topic, yes, the meds have at times affected me, particularly Paxil and Zoloft.  And, truly, it was a struggle to decide.  Nature and age inadvertently kinda solved that conundrum for me.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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5 hours ago, anon22ae said:

There's a community of "involuntary celibates," or incels, where depression seems common. It wasn't like this in the past, but incels nowadays are associated with violence and mental illness.

The Internet has definitely helped incels whip themselves into a frenzy, it's very sad that so many are unable to recognize that they have a mental illness that could potentially be treated. It's a lot easier to just put all the blame on women and society than to take a closer look at our own behavior that may be contributing to our loneliness. 

I fear this problem will only get worse as many kids are no longer socialized. Instead of playing outside with friends parents will let their boys play videogames all day leading to many being socially isolated and awkward which will then lead to rejection in their teens. Add social media where they are constantly exposed to the fake lives of the popular boys and mental health issues are sure to follow. Porn doesn't help either... Given men's proclivity to substance abuse and violence this leads to a huge mess. 

Another general issue may be that less men die in warfare than in the past. There simply aren't enough women for every man to be paired off, worldwide there are 1.07 men to every woman in the 15 - 24 age-group and since the strongest men may have multiple partners you get quite a few men who will completely miss out on love and intimacy. The gender imbalance does reverse with age but since older men prefer younger women it doesn't help much

PS: Not dismissing that women can also face challenges with loneliness but men seem more likely to become incels due to polygyny, gender imbalance and societal expectations. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner

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2 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

The Internet has definitely helped incels whip themselves into a frenzy, it's very sad that so many are unable to recognize that they have a mental illness that could potentially be treated. It's a lot easier to just put all the blame on women and society than to take a closer look at our own behavior that may be contributing to our loneliness.

Yes, though this seems to be something that emerged mainly within the last decade or so. Around 2009, the main (or only) "incel forum" was full of people who were seeking solutions and helping one another. This was before the mass shootings and other incidents attributed to incels within the last few years. From some brief looks, at least, incel forums today seem populated mainly by angry, dejected and cynical people who have largely lost hope. I've yet to come across some incel resource of the "old" kind, which would help people with addressing the problem.

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14 minutes ago, anon22ae said:

I've yet to come across some incel resource of the "old" kind, which would help people with addressing the problem.

Same here. While I would describe myself as involuntarily celibate I find that it's become nearly impossible to talk to others online without someone going off ranting about how they deserve sex because they're "nice" and if only women weren't so "shallow"... blah blah blah, lol.

Civil discourse seems to be a thing of the past, the Internet has always had its trolls and crazies but with just about everything being polarized these days things have gotten way out of hand. 

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On 1/14/2019 at 8:56 AM, Floor2017 said:

Why do we allow sex to over power us and to control us?

"Allow" may not the best word as it doesn't acknowledge that there are biological and social pressures in many of us which aren't there by choice. To understand that these pressures exist, that they can overwhelm us especially when we're most vulnerable reduces the stigma associated with sexual feelings and acting upon them. 

On 1/14/2019 at 8:56 AM, Floor2017 said:

Can we actually learn to live without sex and take our medication and just become happy 😃 for having a peace of mind and a comforting Spirit?

It depends on what the cost is of not taking the medication. I try to remind my peers who suffer mental health issues to count all the costs of not treating symptoms, weigh them against pill side effects. What symptoms can we tolerate or overcome? 

For many people sex is a powerful need and ranks very high on the list of things crucial to their happiness. Personally I wouldn't want to learn to live without it because the repression of my sexual self-expression creates more problems than it solves. 

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I am a nearly 30 year old gay male virgin. I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I may never have sex when I was only about 10 years old, and everyone in my fourth-fifth grade class became hormonal and sex Ed was being taught. I was a social pariah. I figured if no one wanted to be my freind, what chance would I ever have to have sex? I don’t know what exactly is to blame for my lack of sexual experience. This is partly why I have not became a raging lunatic of an incel at war with the world. Also, I can’t force anyone to find me attractive so there isn’t much point in dwelling on it. If it will happen someday it will happen.

I became interested in sex at what I believe may be the unusually early age of 5. I went through a brief fascination with dominatrixes when I was in kindergarten thanks to Catwoman, my hero at the time. I stuffed pictured I drew of whips and chains under my bed,  and pretended the shed in my backyard was my torture chamber. I wasn’t exposed to pornography, or sexually abused in any way, but my parents were lackadasiel about monitoring what I watched, read and listened to. Porn is like oxygen to me. I am grateful for the ability to masturbate, and at least watch other men have sex with each other. Over the past year though I’ve developed a stronger longing for the ‘real thing’. I wouldn’t be averse to ‘hiring’ an escort if it was legal. It’s not about loneliness to me. I simply want to fulfill a strong physical desire.

Edited by SqueezeWax

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