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I Hate Myself


bluextreme999129

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Hello, I just want to say that I have been depressed for 7 years.  I am 29.  I have never had a meaningful relationship or sex and I don't understand why.  I am crying as I write this.  Women usually just treat me like I don't even exist, and a lot of the time treat me like garbage or manipulate me.  I have felt lonely since I was 19, and I feel like I never will be able to have a sexual connection with women in the future.  For 10 years I have wondered why I have lots of male friends, and even lots of close ones, and not even one relationship. I feel so lonely, hopeless and depressed.  I can't wait to commit suicide, and not have to suffer living this horrible life that I have lived for 10 years.  Even drugs and alcohol don't help the pain in the long run.  I just want to point a fully-loaded 45-caliber handgun at my head and pull the trigger, like I probably should have done long before this.  **** my life.

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Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad, @bluextreme999129. I wish I had some meaningful advice for you, but I am not the best source when it comes to relationships, being twice divorced myself.

Just a friendly reminder ...we try not post explicitly about suicidal actions, as they may be very triggering to other members. If your post is edited, that is probably the reason. 

I hope things get better for you..

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We all want nothing but the best for you and all our members.

It's time to save your own life.

You don't deserve capital punishment.

Try ever so hard to declare a small truce with yourself.

A truce can be extended with the goal of an eventual peace treaty.

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

You wisely reached out to us and we will try to help you as best we can.

Please, please stick with us and yourself.

Oscar 

 

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15 hours ago, bluextreme999129 said:

Hello, I just want to say that I have been depressed for 7 years.  I am 29.  I have never had a meaningful relationship or sex and I don't understand why.  I am crying as I write this.  Women usually just treat me like I don't even exist, and a lot of the time treat me like garbage or manipulate me.  I have felt lonely since I was 19, and I feel like I never will be able to have a sexual connection with women in the future.  For 10 years I have wondered why I have lots of male friends, and even lots of close ones, and not even one relationship. I feel so lonely, hopeless and depressed.  I can't wait to commit suicide, and not have to suffer living this horrible life that I have lived for 10 years.  Even drugs and alcohol don't help the pain in the long run.  I just want to point a fully-loaded 45-caliber handgun at my head and pull the trigger, like I probably should have done long before this.  **** my life.

My friend it’s not very wise to destroy yourself for a temporary problem when there are other ways of overcoming your struggles than taking your life.  You can always date and marry other people from other countries.  I work with a lot of men who have dated women from the website of other countries and married them.  

There is no such thing as normal you have to do what is best for you and don’t worry so much as what other people are doing 

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29! You have many decades of life to look forward to. Yeah, right now you are facing a difficult situation. But you can get past it. I'm certain of that.

I'm the last person to express a Pollyanna attitude...but it's the truth. We can get past these things. I'm working on it in my own life...and I'm 30 years older than you.

Best wishes.

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On 1/13/2019 at 8:27 PM, bluextreme999129 said:

"...I feel so lonely, hopeless and depressed.  I can't wait to commit suicide, and not have to suffer living this horrible life that I have lived for 10 years.  Even drugs and alcohol don't help the pain in the long run..."

I can relate to this. Suicide is not the answer at all. How would your friends or family feel if you weren't here anymore. I know it's hard to go through what you're going through, but there are people in your life that care about you deeply and love you...

As far as being connected and looking for that special woman to fall in love with... You can't rush it. Things like that just happen, thats why it's an amazing feeling when it happens. It's like that cheezy love story you always hear about in movies, TV shows, books, and that friend that's always in a long commited relationship and ends up getting married and having 2.5 kids and a dog and always is awkwardly doing good and you have no idea why. When people treat you bad, just keep your head up and ignore them, you have something great coming for you, just stay focused on that while doing what you need to do.

1 hour ago, desperateloser said:

Try go to prostitutes.

I don't suggest this... I mean it's your choice, definitely your life... But I say just wait for something good to happen naturally.

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9 minutes ago, Keemkeem said:

I can relate to this. Suicide is not the answer at all. How would your friends or family feel if you weren't here anymore. I know it's hard to go through what you're going through, but there are people in your life that care about you deeply and love you...

As far as being connected and looking for that special woman to fall in love with... You can't rush it. Things like that just happen, thats why it's an amazing feeling when it happens. It's like that cheezy love story you always hear about in movies, TV shows, books, and that friend that's always in a long commited relationship and ends up getting married and having 2.5 kids and a dog and always is awkwardly doing good and you have no idea why. When people treat you bad, just keep your head up and ignore them, you have something great coming for you, just stay focused on that while doing what you need to do.

I don't suggest this... I mean it's your choice, definitely your life... But I say just wait for something good to happen naturally.

Life is to precious to waste it away or to throw it away.  I work around death everyday and I

see the told it has on the families especially if it is suicide.  It's not the way to go my friend.

There are women out there who would love to be by your side for a little ( you know) cash.

There are also lonely women out there who cannot pay there bills and would love to have

a man who could come in and help her raise a family together.  Just be patient. 

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i could have written your post when i was 29. That's how old i was when i finally met a girl and started going out for the first time. never say never. you need to loosen up and keep going out and be around people. stop taking every meeting with a woman so seriously. if something happens good, if not, you don't have to beat yourself up about it for a month. keep trying ....it's a numbers game, the more you try the better the odds. read some self help books about body language and self esteem, etc. knowledge is power. don't give up. i thought i had no chance of ever finding someone, now i've been married for ages. good luck...

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11 hours ago, Steveab63 said:

i could have written your post when i was 29. That's how old i was when i finally met a girl and started going out for the first time. never say never. you need to loosen up and keep going out and be around people. stop taking every meeting with a woman so seriously. if something happens good, if not, you don't have to beat yourself up about it for a month. keep trying ....it's a numbers game, the more you try the better the odds. read some self help books about body language and self esteem, etc. knowledge is power. don't give up. i thought i had no chance of ever finding someone, now i've been married for ages. good luck...

Thanks, for sharing that my friend it was so uplifting and inspiring for others

who are looking for love and happiness in the form of a relationship one day.

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Suicide is a brave and protest movement. So much that a strong desire to resist the will to live, which is the greatest instinct in human. The important thing is, do you have this desire?  I thought and I realized something. Even if the person commits suicide, people around him trying to prevent him. I don't want anyone to die, but is it not conscience masturbation to prevent people from committing suicide without removing the conditions that cause suicide?

Edited by JellyThou
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1 hour ago, Lucian Hodoboc said:

What website? 🤨

There's a lot of them like Anastasia or LoveMe (aka a Foreign Affair). I have two relatives who met women from Anastasia 🙈 Their relationships didn't last though. I also had a guy at work who married an Asian woman who really took him to the cleaners the second she got her permanent residency. It wasn't a surprise to anyone though, he was 30 years older than her and not exactly attractive. 

I guess it can work for some people if they are self-aware enough to know what kind of woman would be interested in them and not just their money or visa. They should really question the woman's motivation if it's the kind of woman who wouldn't even talk to them in their home country, lol. 

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On 1/13/2019 at 8:27 PM, bluextreme999129 said:

Hello, I just want to say that I have been depressed for 7 years.  I am 29.  I have never had a meaningful relationship or sex and I don't understand why.  I am crying as I write this.  Women usually just treat me like I don't even exist, and a lot of the time treat me like garbage or manipulate me.  I have felt lonely since I was 19, and I feel like I never will be able to have a sexual connection with women in the future.  For 10 years I have wondered why I have lots of male friends, and even lots of close ones, and not even one relationship. I feel so lonely, hopeless and depressed.  I can't wait to commit suicide, and not have to suffer living this horrible life that I have lived for 10 years.  Even drugs and alcohol don't help the pain in the long run.  I just want to point a fully-loaded 45-caliber handgun at my head and pull the trigger, like I probably should have done long before this.  **** my life.

I feel you im 28 and a virgin except I have no friends my therapist thinks I might have ptsd I don't get along with anybody I feel  alot of anger jealousy and rage that makes me unable to maintain any relationships with anyone. All my money goes towards my bills and I live on under 40 dollars a week for gas and food. I just survive day to day looking for another job so I have more money. Idon't even think about dating anymore I have no money to do anything and my future seems very dark so I can relate to your feeling of hopelessness. I feel bad talking to people because I make them depressed if I talk about my life so I tend to avoid complaining at all as it has gotten me nowhere. You have people that care about you suicide is a permanent solution to a problem that can be fixed. Do you have a good Job disposable income if not I would just use online dating or pursue a hobby that you can meet like minded women talk to them for a bit then ask them out it's worth doing even if you get reject making progress in your life is the best way to build self confidence do things even if you fear them or you think you will fail.

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1 hour ago, scienceguy said:

Prostitutes are for scum bags that want to support human trafficking you don't need to go that route

If I dont I will die as a retarded virgin.  My 16 year old firend is handsome and he slept with at least 10 girls. And he is ****ing 16. Suppressed sexuality is a big problem for me. I am afraid to do something bad. I need to get rid of this. Prostitutes make love with a retarded idiots like me. Let's be realistic huh. Women never liked ugly men. You can call me a hypocrite or whatever you want.. But I believe If I was an ugly girl, I'd be more likely to find someone.

Edited by desperateloser
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9 hours ago, SailingSoul said:

No!!!! Stds exist.. don't go that route. 

I think it's riskier to have sex with someone you pick up on Tinder or a bar... Many prostitutes are more aware of the health risks than your average woman and they will get checkups on a regular basis. Also, unlike a drunk one-night stand they will insist on using protection. 

2 hours ago, scienceguy said:

Prostitutes are for scum bags that want to support human trafficking you don't need to go that route

Don't generalize like that, there are all kinds. I know four former prostitutes on a personal basis and two of them I am still friends with and talk to regularily. None of them were trafficked, they all did it voluntarily because it was the best option for them at the time:

  • 2 of them did it to support their families. Try helping your unemployed parents and younger siblings by flipping burgers making minimum wage. 
  • 1 did it because she wanted to buy a house, she's now a homeowner at 27... She now has more of a safety net than many in their 40s. 
  • 1 did it because she is an aspiring musician and needed money to produce music videos, hire other musicians and dancers etc. 

And no, they weren't just pulling the wool over my eyes, I've met their friends and know where they live and who their relatives are. While none of them enjoyed the work they didn't view it any differently than a normal job. Difference being that they would make anywhere from $10 - 20K in a good month whereas most normal people will bust their butts for a fraction of that. 

Human trafficking is only really an issue if you pick up a drug-addicted street-walker or go to an shady-brothel. Sex workers who escort or work in legal and higher-end brothels are a completely different story. 

1 hour ago, desperateloser said:

My 16 year old firend is handsome and he slept with at least 10 girls.

Don't believe everything you hear! He might even be a virgin, guys lie about sexual encounters all the time. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner
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