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My girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me on New Year’s Day. It started out as an arguement in New Year’s Eve with me telling her to watch out for her best friend Haley, because her friend had been talking behind about my girlfriend to me, whom she hadn’t seen since the 8th grade, so I assumed she was getting the info from Haley. But then an arguement started in which she told me to stop trying to turn her against her friend and that I’m spreading my paranoia onto her. The next day I get a text in the morning with her stating that she wanted to take a break because she’s tired of being in a relationship, I managed to give her very good reasons as to why we shouldn’t, so she agreed. Well fast forward to the following Friday she breaks up with me, at first she said it was because she was tired of being in a relationship and then changed it to that my outlook on the world is too negative and that I should have trust in everyone I met and such, well I called her up, I was crying, which is a human thing to do and she then agreed to continue trying again, well later in that night out of her blue she started saying that I don’t care about her happyness, that I kept her emotionally hostage and that I manipulated her into staying in a relationship by crying when I called her up, we got into a little arguement in which I brought up something she had said because in the conversation she told me this “I think long and hard about my decisions, I say what I mean and o mean what I say”, and I had brought up what she said about me during the first month that we were dating, she had told her friend how annoying I was and that she doubt we’d last, and when I confronted her about it the first time she was sorry, but this time I called her a liar about the apology and that she meant what she said about, and at that point, she got really pissed, she called me up demanding and apology for calling her a liar, and for keeping her emotionally hostage. I didn’t apologize for a damn thing and when I didn’t she said “I hate you” and blocked me on everything. Now then, I used and app called text now to generate a few numbers so I can try to reason with her, but she kept on going and eventually I told her how much I regret meeting her and everything else. In December we went to a banquet, she invited 2 of her best friends and she treated me like a kid stuck at the kiddie table and got really mad when I was upset and got really made over a joke. I told her that I regret not breaking up with her that very night and she got even more upset and I don’t know why, she already broke up with me, she doesn’t care and now she’s wanting to take legal action cause I caused her emotional trauma, due to this breakup, I’ve been in bed for the past week, I had to leave work on several occasions when I was only 2 hours into my shift, I didn’t start eating until yesterday. Was I in the wrong?

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To me, it sounds like both of you took part in the breakup and that it was very drawn out.  I don’t think that there’s anybody to specifically blame, but to me it sounds like there were definitely root problems in your relationship.  Drawn out breakups with continuous fighting and getting back together are messy and hard. I’m sorry you had to go through that.  And I’m sorry that you’re heartbroken now, it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. 

If I have learned anything, it’s that you need to stop and take a break from an ex right after a breakup. Contacting them again will just rehash things and make the situation worse. Both of you need to time away to see clearly and to move on. I would delete the photos of you guys, their number, and your old texts.  It will help you move on. 

To be blunt, from what your girlfriend said I think that she sounds kind of self-centered.  I don’t know your relationship, but I think that the comment she made about your depression is really insensitive and just uncaring.  If you really love someone, you’ll be there for them through the bad times. She clearly isn’t there to do that for you. I had a similar situation to you, my boyfriend broke up with me because he told me that being around me made him sad. At the time, I was going though a lot and I was super depressed and anxious. It broke my heart but later I realized that I dodged a bullet there. He couldn’t be there for me through my sadness, and our fighting was just making me feel even worse. Time alone helped me to get better and now I can focus on finding someone who will be there for me. You should do the same. Time will heal everything, just give it time. I promise it will get better. 

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