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Virginity


Cent

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I’m 16 so if this topic will make you uncomfortable then don’t continue reading please.

     I’m a virgin and I recently got my first girlfriend about a month and a half ago. My depression combined with an overall bad feeling about the relationship caused me to end things early. She is 18 and has had multiple sex partners. 

     Is it wrong that it made me uncomfortable that she wasn’t a virgin? I feel immense pressure to lose my virginity sometimes because of my depression and just general society garbage. I feel like when I lose my virginity I want to lose it with someone else for some reason. I can’t really explain my feelings. Anyways she wanted to be more intimate than I could handle so I wound up breaking things off. We are still friends but I told her that we needed to stop having long text conversations because we both have depression and would end up just making each other sad. I needed some alone time I guess. It’s been really sad lately as I’ve also lost a good friend of mine because her boyfriend doesn’t let her talk to other guys. It’s been a generally bad time lol. It’s the little things that get me through the days, you know? Like passing conversations or when people say hi to me in the hallway. 

     I’m currently transitioning from Selexa to Zoloft which could be a reason why I’m all whacked out but I was in a rough place before the change too. I just hope that this new medication works so I can feel not as garbage lol. But yeah tell me whether or not my feelings about virginity are valid. I also get kinda sad when I hear about other people losing their virginity as young as 15 in my school because I feel like people are being ‘corrupted’ or whatever. Like, it sounds ridiculous but you’ve gotta admit there’s some merit. Also the amount of kids that do drugs at such a young age is upsetting. I’m just glad I dodged that bullet. Peace out I’m gonna go to bed and check replies tomorrow 

kylepd

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Forgive me if this comes across as blunt, I've tried to re word this a few times already but do want to reply. 

Personally, i see it that everyone is responsible for their own happiness. The fact that you ended the relationship because you felt uncomfortable within it is a good thing. It is a difficult thing to do, and doesn't really get any easier with time but you HAVE to put yourself first. Right or Wrong the fact is that it made you uncomfortable. 

For me, I feel that I personally I wish I had waited, but then I am not overly happy with how Western Culture portrays sex and virginity. I think that I understand by what you said here "I feel like when I lose my virginity I want to lose it with someone else for some reason. I can’t really explain my feelings" I lost my Virginity to someone who was already quite sexually active, I felt under extreme pressure (like I had to live up to the other guys, be better then the other guys etc) it took a long time to work out that it matters more that you both enjoy each other's company and sex if it happens. 

Whatever happens, stick to what makes you comfortable. And yes, regardless of your feelings, they are valid, even if they're against social norms, your feelings are valid

 

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Hi. I'll share my story so that you might feel less like you're alone or uncomfortable.

I waited until second year in college, I was 19 or 20 I think? I had opportunities earlier but I wasn't really into those girls, it felt right to wait. This wasn't a moral choice for me and it wasn't compelled by religious ethics. It was a personal preference to wait until I could be with someone who I felt was special.

I caught some grief - from other guys who traded their conquest stories, from women who felt judged, from others who insisted I was influenced by religion/would be punished by almighty God - I didn't give into the pressure because I felt it was my body, my decision. In high school I'd learned ways to handle peer pressure.

The longer I waited, the bigger deal it became - especially when I began dating women in college. At times, I just wanted to get it over with yet the idea that I might make this decision in order please everyone else but myself? That didn't feel like consent, quite the opposite.

 

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Take things at your own pace. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 16, I suspect that most people are. Especially guys at that age will make up a lot of stories about sex that simply aren't true... Everybody pretends to be a "stud" because they want to fit in, doesn't mean they actually had sex. 

Society always talks about women being pressured into sex but it happens to guys too, be it by their girlfriends or peers. You are not obligated to do anything you're not comfortable with. 

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My friend, don’t be stressed by stories you hear, conquest claims, and all the other hype that this subject brings. You will know when you are ready, and you are with the right person to move forward.

it will certainly feel like you have moved passed the tick in the box, but it probably will not be a momemt you remember for long unless its the right moment.

Relax and the moment will present, dont worry if a partner has done it before, tome that would be almost normal in our world today.

 

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9 hours ago, Cent said:

I’m 16 so if this topic will make you uncomfortable then don’t continue reading please.

 I’m a virgin and I recently got my first girlfriend about a month and a half ago. My depression combined with an overall bad feeling about the relationship caused me to end things early

In some countries at 16 you're legally an underaged minor, so if you're not a virgin then whoever had sex with you is in trouble with the law

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35 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

In some countries at 16 you're legally an underaged minor, so if you're not a virgin then whoever had sex with you is in trouble with the law

That’s a really good law to have to try to help protect the young people from older predators 

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10 hours ago, Cent said:

I’m 16 so if this topic will make you uncomfortable then don’t continue reading please.

     I’m a virgin and I recently got my first girlfriend about a month and a half ago. My depression combined with an overall bad feeling about the relationship caused me to end things early. She is 18 and has had multiple sex partners. 

     Is it wrong that it made me uncomfortable that she wasn’t a virgin? I feel immense pressure to lose my virginity sometimes because of my depression and just general society garbage. I feel like when I lose my virginity I want to lose it with someone else for some reason. I can’t really explain my feelings. Anyways she wanted to be more intimate than I could handle so I wound up breaking things off. We are still friends but I told her that we needed to stop having long text conversations because we both have depression and would end up just making each other sad. I needed some alone time I guess. It’s been really sad lately as I’ve also lost a good friend of mine because her boyfriend doesn’t let her talk to other guys. It’s been a generally bad time lol. It’s the little things that get me through the days, you know? Like passing conversations or when people say hi to me in the hallway. 

     I’m currently transitioning from Selexa to Zoloft which could be a reason why I’m all whacked out but I was in a rough place before the change too. I just hope that this new medication works so I can feel not as garbage lol. But yeah tell me whether or not my feelings about virginity are valid. I also get kinda sad when I hear about other people losing their virginity as young as 15 in my school because I feel like people are being ‘corrupted’ or whatever. Like, it sounds ridiculous but you’ve gotta admit there’s some merit. Also the amount of kids that do drugs at such a young age is upsetting. I’m just glad I dodged that bullet. Peace out I’m gonna go to bed and check replies tomorrow 

kylepd

You are a very wise young man and I wished other young peoples would follow your example and don’t be ashamed of saving yourself for the right person.  I was nineteen when I did it and I wished I could have saved it for my wife.  It is supposed to be a very precious gift that you give to the love of your life.  

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I'm a 18 years old virgin and these are my thoughts; if the most important thing you're planning to hide to a woman is your virginity, you shouldn't expect much from that relationship. You have to educate your penis to be aware of what you need to keep a woman. Also, if woman is not 50 years old, it is not a reward for a woman to present or keep a woman to you. In addition, the person who is not sexually satisfied will feel a big gap throughout his life.(like me) The common features of backward countries are repressed sexuality.

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25 minutes ago, desperateloser said:

You have to educate your penis to be aware of what you need to keep a woman.

What? 🤔 I'm a relationship-virgin but have had many female friends over the years who talked to me about personal things including their sex lives, men's penises never seemed to be a huge concern to them. The only thing I heard them complain about is when guys are insensitive to their needs and try to aggressively f*** them like a blow-up doll.

Edited by lonelyforeigner
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22 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

 What? 🤔 I'm a relationship-virgin but have had many female friends over the years who talked to me about personal things including their sex lives, men's penises never seemed to be a huge concern to them. The only thing I heard them complain about is when guys are insensitive to their needs and try to aggressively f*** them like a blow-up doll after watching too many porn movies instead of being sensitive to their needs. 

What I want to mention is the mixing of sexual intercourse with sex ritual. For example, just a member above said, "It was a personal preference to wait until I could be with someone who I felt was special." lets examine this general and lumpen opinion:

Being emotional does not mean only knowing a single woman or maintaining a sexual life with only one woman. If we are talking about emotion, you should not feel that you belong to only one woman, or perhaps not to any woman, which has little to do with sexuality. And the assumption that your first sexual experience will be romantic or emotional is utopian. Since it is first experience, it becomes a sweet moment for you, which leads us to conclude that sexual intercourse with any woman is not related to the quality or quantity of women.

Edited by desperateloser
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4 minutes ago, desperateloser said:

And the assumption that your first sexual experience will be romantic or emotional is utopian.

Why is it utopian? Why wouldn't it be romantic and emotional if it's with the right person? My first time was paid for and I don't consider it a sweet moment, I would have much preferred to experience it with someone who actually cared about me. 

Since virginity is something you can only lose once some partners would feel quite honored to be the ones who have that special privilege. 

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I think your feelings are valid---you should not have sex with someone until you are ready...I think you will know when you meet the right person + your virginity is special, once you give it away you can never get it back!! I always believed that you should be in love with the person you give your virginity too, but, that is just me.. 8-]]

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Thanks for the feedback, except for some of you who I don’t know what you’re talking about lol. I’m at a crossroads between wanting to lose my virginity for obvious reasons and not wanting to because i don’t know how my depression will handle it + I’m uber cautious about doing things I’ll regret.

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Is it just not possible that we are all forced to give it up at somepoint whether its paid for, peer pressure induced or a chance moment but not with necessarily the person you would choose. There are also many members in this forum, whom likely had absolutely no choice, through abuse or r ape. 

My heart goes out to victims of unwanted encounters and think that those of us who get to choose, should cherish the fact that we can choose. Choose wisely, and whether the results are great or unforgettable, be happy that you chose. If it isnt good, dont worry, you can practice. Waiting for your wife is admirable if you can, but personally I think there is a lot of differences out there, try a few whilst you can without complications, to avoid potential disattisfaction in the furure.

Oh, and if you are getting your ideas of how it goes down from online adult sites, forget them. Do what you and your partner are comfortable with. 

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22 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

I dont think your depression will change because of your status as a virgin or not. Your experience will open you to more emotions and those could change your ability to handle it. Pick the righ person my friend and discuss with them if appropriate before. 

I’m not saying my depression would change, but when I get depressed I tend to overthink things a lot, second guess myself until I’m not sure whether or not I’m a bad person. Like, now that I’ve broken up with my first girlfriend my depressive episodes are largely about her and a friend that I lost a while ago.

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Are you taking anti depressents? Maybe you could also try an anti anxiety pill, as I suffer from the overthinking a lot too, but these trnd to let me think straighter and control the overthinking. I am not for medicate until we are happy, but I do beleive they have a role to play..

if you are not on meds is it something you can consider, go see a doctor.. if you dont want to or cannot, then how about a guidance counsellor at school or college. , 

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On 1/9/2019 at 7:59 AM, desperateloser said:

And the assumption that your first sexual experience will be romantic or emotional is utopian. Since it is first experience, it becomes a sweet moment for you, which leads us to conclude that sexual intercourse with any woman is not related to the quality or quantity of women.

It's possible that waiting for a partner who you feel romantic towards can be a letdown, especially if your hopes and your fantasies are pinned to marriage, family straight away and that ends up not happening. 

It can be fulfilling to experience romantic and sexual feelings together the first time as opposed to having just one or the other but one must accept that life doesn't always provide what we wish for. 

 

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Hello Kyle,

 

Well, call me old fashioned, but I think that you did an awesome thing! Great job! Don’t give in to peer pressure, no matter how loud and difficult it may be. Unfortunately, I did give in and lost mine when I was 17. I thought that I would marry my girlfriend at the time, but we fought all the time and after six years we broke up. Fast forward several years to when I was 33. I did marry the most awesome woman ever! As a gift on our wedding night, I could not give her my virginity, to my shame. She was able to give that gift to me, but I did not wait. So now I am really going to try to encourage my children to save themselves for marriage. Hopefully they will marry young.

 

Again, please be encouraged. It is easy to go along with the crowd, but to stand against the wind is a difficult thing to do! I will be praying for you.

 

Blessings,

 

Kevin

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42 minutes ago, kevinloveslena said:

Hello Kyle,

 

Well, call me old fashioned, but I think that you did an awesome thing! Great job! Don’t give in to peer pressure, no matter how loud and difficult it may be. Unfortunately, I did give in and lost mine when I was 17. I thought that I would marry my girlfriend at the time, but we fought all the time and after six years we broke up. Fast forward several years to when I was 33. I did marry the most awesome woman ever! As a gift on our wedding night, I could not give her my virginity, to my shame. She was able to give that gift to me, but I did not wait. So now I am really going to try to encourage my children to save themselves for marriage. Hopefully they will marry young.

 

Again, please be encouraged. It is easy to go along with the crowd, but to stand against the wind is a difficult thing to do! I will be praying for you.

 

Blessings,

 

Kevin

Hang in there my friend and keep it close by your side until you are ready to release

it, to the girl of your dreams.  

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9 hours ago, kevinloveslena said:

Hello Kyle,

 

Well, call me old fashioned, but I think that you did an awesome thing! Great job! Don’t give in to peer pressure, no matter how loud and difficult it may be. Unfortunately, I did give in and lost mine when I was 17. I thought that I would marry my girlfriend at the time, but we fought all the time and after six years we broke up. Fast forward several years to when I was 33. I did marry the most awesome woman ever! As a gift on our wedding night, I could not give her my virginity, to my shame. She was able to give that gift to me, but I did not wait. So now I am really going to try to encourage my children to save themselves for marriage. Hopefully they will marry young.

 

Again, please be encouraged. It is easy to go along with the crowd, but to stand against the wind is a difficult thing to do! I will be praying for you.

 

Blessings,

 

Kevin

Awe thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.

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