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Yeah, I've had a "happy light" for years...Some days it seems to help - but I think it's cause I was already in the kind of place where I COULD feel better...if that makes sense? Sometimes, I feel so depressed ( untoward anger/irritation/feeling grieved-exhausted) that it feels rooted in my very body and nothing will change my mood till the next day arrives. Ok, I guess if my husband surprised me with something really special...like a trip some place great (we rarely go anywhere) or idk maybe did something unexpected like come home with exotic foods which he said he'd happily prepare  as he sang along to smooth jjazz with his terrible voice:) while I sipped some wine...MAYBE I'd start to feel better, lol

About wine, I haven't had ANY alcohol for over a year - my liver tests looked slightly "off." Doc said it was probably more fatty liver due to abnormal lipids rather than alchol consumption. But I thought I was ready to just give it up indefinitely. Now, I think I'm feeling ready again. Don't know.

About your kid staying home even though you knew he was faking it...I SO appreciated your saying that!  My Autism Spec son (now grown and finally working part-time) fakes certain things a lot, saying "too hard."  Sometimes I also let him off the hook and we go to a movie just so we can both escape reality. We saw Mary Poppins Returns for the second time yesterday. Felt so good just humming to the songs and scarfing down popcorn and other treats I'd snuck in.

Well, I loved your response and hope we can continue to help each other thru this forum. Maybe for women, we just need more female understanding = another gal getting us and our desire to feel like life must be more than this...? And accepting us instead of judging and making us feel guilty for feeling this way. I don't know if you're like me, but I make my own self feel guilty enough ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING. Guess I need a break from - me...

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Welcome elaineofalaska to DF. I hope that you find this forum to be as comforting as I have for the past couple months. It is such a nice relief to be able to talk to the people here, and find some comforting words to keep me going when Im feeling down 🙂

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How are you doing today, Elaine?  Are you finding these Forums to be helpful?  I keep worrying about earthquakes in Alaska and whether you are safe.  I live in New Mexico which is almost always sunny.  But I have some minor experience with indirect sunlight from when I was in Russia and had to deal with White Nights and Dark Days.  I hope you are doing okay.  - epictetus

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Hi, Epictetus I'm doing a little better and thanks a bunch for checking in:)

I've upped my St. John's Wort, not sure if the higher dose is really ok - safety wise, but it does help me feel lifted, which is a relief. Yes, ,the dark descending every day around 4 is not easy. New Mexico sounds very bright and nice indeed. I've been there a few times years ago and thought it very beautiful. 

Only had one sizeable aftershock the other morning, a 5.1, I believe. Just parr for the course up here!

Hope things are going well for you these days!

Elaine

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I'm so glad you are doing a little better, Elaine.  Depression is so cruel.  I don't have any personal experience with St. John's Wort.  Does it help you a lot?  I am on Celexa and it helps me a lot.  

Do those aftershocks ever stop.  I was in San Francisco once and worried about earthquakes so I wouldn't stay in a high rise hotel.  I stayed in a little motel cabin instead.  Not sure that was safer.  We had an earthquake in my city once and it was pretty scary.  I was fifteen at the time.  I don't remember much about it know.  But there is one memory I have of it that is sort of burned into my memory.  I remember hearing big, big, big rocks under me crunching together under me.  It sounded like the rocks were very deep.  

I have only seen pictures of Alaska, but it seems like such a beautiful place.     - epictetus

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On 1/11/2019 at 4:01 PM, elaineofalaska said:

"...Accepting us instead of judging and making us feel guilty for feeling this way. I don't know if you're like me, but I make my own self feel guilty enough ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING. Guess I need a break from - me..."

Hey Elaine, welcome to the forums nice to meet you... Im new here too, so it's nice to see someone else just signed up too.

 

About everything you've been through and are going through at the moment, it sounds like to me you've had quite the "trouble in paradise" situation... But I could be wrong haha. As far as what you've said, the comment I re-quoted stood out to me the most as I am currently going through something very similar related to this topic. I don't think you have a problem with someone recognizing and accepting yourself for who you are. You may be being a little too hard on yourself knowing that you are an extremely compassionate person and you endure alot of hurt of your past along with being there to help others release some of their frustration from not being understood and judged themselves, because they know you do not do that to others. Instead of taking a break from you, maybe take a break from others, and have a small reset or personal retreat to let go of all the angst and the stress of the world for a moment. However you decide to deal with the dilemma Im sure it will do you good definitely. Happy New Year.

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Hi, KeemKeem, thanks for your reply and yes it's nice to see another "newbie" on here like me. Idk, I guess I am a little too hard on me...Sometimes though I think I need to be - part of that Superego thing - if you're familiar with the term (from Freud's stuff; I majored in psych and can never really escape from some of the things I learned oh-so-long-ago!) Anyway, these days I'm using St. John's Wort and nice, long hot baths with scented oils as ways to let go of the world. Think I'm likin it! Yes, there is SO much angst in the world, isn't there? I'm also just not watching the news these days. Got tired of what seems to be just a Play they put on (BOTH political parties) for our "benefit." Like it's foolin us, right? I think we just have one party tryin to play us, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I also like my Chinese learning. SO much fun! I've been doing it for about a year and a half now. I started teaching English to Chinese kids at that time and decided to learn Chinese ( at least a little, lol) to help me communicate with them. Well, let's stay in touch! Have a great day!

Elaine

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