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Okay so let me know if this is the wrong spot for this. I have been bullied my whole life, you'd think I'd be tough to this stuff now, but reality is that I wasn't given a very strong sense of security as a child and being constantly bullied hasn't left me in a good place. I'm now an adult, and the bullying hasn't stopped or even slowed down, I still get a considerable amount of harassment. For example, the other day my car broke down in the parking lot, and as I was fixing it perfectly fine by myself some guy walks past me and says out loud, "I would help you, but you're ugly, sorry!" and he keeps walking. A) What the **** B) Why did this guy think I had to hear anything he just said? I deal with things like this all the time, people just making comments on what I'm doing or wearing or what have you. I have also been targeted by my peers in my field when I've been nothing but accommodating and polite.

Is everyone bullied every time they leave their house or is it just me? If the latter is the case, why is it that people are so interested in making me a topic of conversation? Are people really so bored that they have nothing to talk about except for the boots I'm wearing or the "character" of my face? I try to frame things that way but it honestly still bothers me so much. I can remember things people said about me years ago that I still think back to and wonder why I had to hear them say such a trite, stupid thing, and yet it still affects me. I've been told that I need to "build resilience" but I'm not sure what that even means considering I have been bullied for my entire life and I'm apparently still not resilient enough.

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You are not alone.  I've been treated this way my whole life.  People can be awful.  I've said it before that there are some of us in this world that everyone seems to target.  It happens our whole lives!  This world creates all of the outsiders and time bombs and when they go off they say I don't understand what happened every time!

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I believe insecurity and self-hatred is what drives some people to say such nasty things. Such people need constant reinforcement that they're among the in group not among the out group. Abusing someone just to feel tall - lasting but for a moment - is one of humanity's weaknesses.

"And I'll never try to give my life meaning by demeaning you"

- "32 Flavors" by Ani Difranco 

It's greatly to your credit that you maintain some civility when this world's show you so much hostility.

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1 hour ago, Stubb said:

Okay so let me know if this is the wrong spot for this. I have been bullied my whole life, you'd think I'd be tough to this stuff now, but reality is that I wasn't given a very strong sense of security as a child and being constantly bullied hasn't left me in a good place. I'm now an adult, and the bullying hasn't stopped or even slowed down, I still get a considerable amount of harassment. For example, the other day my car broke down in the parking lot, and as I was fixing it perfectly fine by myself some guy walks past me and says out loud, "I would help you, but you're ugly, sorry!" and he keeps walking. A) What the **** B) Why did this guy think I had to hear anything he just said? I deal with things like this all the time, people just making comments on what I'm doing or wearing or what have you. I have also been targeted by my peers in my field when I've been nothing but accommodating and polite.

Is everyone bullied every time they leave their house or is it just me? If the latter is the case, why is it that people are so interested in making me a topic of conversation? Are people really so bored that they have nothing to talk about except for the boots I'm wearing or the "character" of my face? I try to frame things that way but it honestly still bothers me so much. I can remember things people said about me years ago that I still think back to and wonder why I had to hear them say such a trite, stupid thing, and yet it still affects me. I've been told that I need to "build resilience" but I'm not sure what that even means considering I have been bullied for my entire life and I'm apparently still not resilient enough.

My friend try to change the way you 

process things, instead of letting it get 

to you.  Start saying something nice to 

them like have a nice day or I know and 

try to laugh about it or joke about it.

people cannot stand it when you use

kindness and you refuses to allow them 

to get under your skin.  They will eventually 

leave you along and find someone else 

to pick on

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4 hours ago, Stubb said:

I've been told that I need to "build resilience" but I'm not sure what that even means considering I have been bullied for my entire life and I'm apparently still not resilient enough.

I don't think it's about resilience. Resilience just means that you won't let comments like that bother you but normal people don't have to put up with them in the first place. 

I used to get bullied in school too and while it's gotten much better I'm still a target when there's a group of young people, it's not unusual for someone to feel the need to make a joke at my expense so they can have a good laugh with their friends. Complete strangers who know nothing about me.

Personally I think it is the way we carry ourselves, people can sense weakness and that makes us an easy ego-boost for them. They would never pick on someone who looks like they might make a huge scene or fight back. If you feel like a victim people will victimize you, it's not fair but it is what it is. So basically the solution is to work on your self-esteem so you appear confident and strong. 

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Yes we shouldn't have to build resilience or be tough all the time.  People should just stop being abusive.  It's absurd to tell someone that's been a human punching bag their whole life to be a stronger punching bag.  We aren't what's wrong.  They are the ones that are wrong and need to change.

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I think bullies are bullies because they want to make themselves feel better by being an ass to to others---The best thing to do is just ignore them and not give them the satisfaction in seeing that they have upset you..it would piss them off I think if you didn't give them the time of day!! 

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I am so sorry this is happening to you, Stubb.   

If people were not blinded by things inside of themselves, they would be thankful that you exist in this world and would treasure you.  

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4 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Personally I think it is the way we carry ourselves, people can sense weakness and that makes us an easy ego-boost for them. They would never pick on someone who looks like they might make a huge scene or fight back

Amen.  I'm not a strapping, 6-foot-something, 200-some-pound gorilla, but I now usually tend to look people straight in the eye.  Trust me, it's an acquired skill.

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Posted (edited)

Hi Stubb,

Sorry you have to put up with the meanest form of human communication.  The sort of lack of humanity you describe quite simply cold cocks human evolution.  Resilience for you means you still feel it, still object to it.  Maybe to not notice is the way, but I'm not sure that's possible.  To put it in asteriskal short hand, Some people just need ki**ing. 

I remember a few years back, walking along a sidewalk.  A middle aged guy walked the sidewalk on the far side of the street.  A car slowed down, and a cute teen girl leaned out the window, addressing the man, "Hey, nice rug, jackass," she commented in passing.

His toupee was a bit heaped on top, so what.  I have a hope for comments and commentators such as those.  I hope that one day they will realize the harm they do, and will feel the shame and guilt that should come with dishing out barbs simply for the sake of hurting a  stranger.  That would in fact, be karma, the unavoidable natural consequences of committing indefensible acts. 

I don't know if we can grow skin thick enough or a memory short enough to  let such meanness roll off our backs.  I don't know that we should.  I do believe that there are more people who are not ***holes, than people who are.  Current digitized social interaction fosters such "hit and run" degradation.  If I knew where this person lived, and I were in the area, I would go to their house, put a water hose into a window, and open it to medium so as to escape notice, before strolling on.    As the Grateful Dead said, "Mean People Suck."

Best to you Stubb,

Bulgakov

Edited by Bulgakov
editing never ends

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10 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

Amen.  I'm not a strapping, 6-foot-something, 200-some-pound gorilla, but I now usually tend to look people straight in the eye.  Trust me, it's an acquired skill.

Yeah, people can just tell when someone will put up a fight. Even when you're not super strong it's still a risk that they don't wanna take. Most bullies are cowards.

I used to be friends with a woman from work, she was drop-dead gorgeous and you'd think she would've faced a ton of sexual harassment from men. Nope, not once. She had an aura of "try it and you will regret it" so guys knew not to test her. Whether it's bullying, sexual harassment, or pickpockets looking for a target, they will almost always go for the easy prey. 

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On 1/5/2019 at 10:04 AM, lonelyforeigner said:

I don't think it's about resilience. Resilience just means that you won't let comments like that bother you but normal people don't have to put up with them in the first place. 

I used to get bullied in school too and while it's gotten much better I'm still a target when there's a group of young people, it's not unusual for someone to feel the need to make a joke at my expense so they can have a good laugh with their friends. Complete strangers who know nothing about me.

Personally I think it is the way we carry ourselves, people can sense weakness and that makes us an easy ego-boost for them. They would never pick on someone who looks like they might make a huge scene or fight back. If you feel like a victim people will victimize you, it's not fair but it is what it is. So basically the solution is to work on your self-esteem so you appear confident and strong. 

My friend there probably not a perfect answer to this type of question because I’m a strong and very confident  in my role at work and I get picked on to try to draw me out of my character so that they can double, triple team me and get me wrote up on the job and possibly Fired.  Bullying show it self in many ways my friend but the key to it is not to Bow Down to it.  There are some things that you can not change in life and you just leave this world with them.

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On 1/5/2019 at 9:04 AM, lonelyforeigner said:

Personally I think it is the way we carry ourselves, people can sense weakness and that makes us an easy ego-boost for them. They would never pick on someone who looks like they might make a huge scene or fight back. If you feel like a victim people will victimize you, it's not fair but it is what it is. So basically the solution is to work on your self-esteem so you appear confident and strong. 

I agree the way we carry ourselves may have something to do with it.

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On 1/5/2019 at 11:51 AM, Stubb said:

Okay so let me know if this is the wrong spot for this. I have been bullied my whole life, you'd think I'd be tough to this stuff now, but reality is that I wasn't given a very strong sense of security as a child and being constantly bullied hasn't left me in a good place. I'm now an adult, and the bullying hasn't stopped or even slowed down, I still get a considerable amount of harassment. For example, the other day my car broke down in the parking lot, and as I was fixing it perfectly fine by myself some guy walks past me and says out loud, "I would help you, but you're ugly, sorry!" and he keeps walking. A) What the **** B) Why did this guy think I had to hear anything he just said? I deal with things like this all the time, people just making comments on what I'm doing or wearing or what have you. I have also been targeted by my peers in my field when I've been nothing but accommodating and polite.

Is everyone bullied every time they leave their house or is it just me? If the latter is the case, why is it that people are so interested in making me a topic of conversation? Are people really so bored that they have nothing to talk about except for the boots I'm wearing or the "character" of my face? I try to frame things that way but it honestly still bothers me so much. I can remember things people said about me years ago that I still think back to and wonder why I had to hear them say such a trite, stupid thing, and yet it still affects me. I've been told that I need to "build resilience" but I'm not sure what that even means considering I have been bullied for my entire life and I'm apparently still not resilient enough.

I've put something into place to deal with this. It is not perfect by any means. It boils down to two things.

Does it affect my ability to pay my Bill's? Do I value this person's opinion? 

If either answer is no I pay it no mind. Essentially words are just noises in the air. See their words as a slight breeze. Would a slight breeze upset you?

If the answer is yes, it gets more complicated and I often have to reflect for a while. This is the non perfect part that I need to work on. 

I hope that makes sense.

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13 minutes ago, Ratvan said:

I've put something into place to deal with this. It is not perfect by any means. It boils down to two things.

Does it affect my ability to pay my Bill's? Do I value this person's opinion? 

That's' a great way to look at it! 

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4 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

That's' a great way to look at it! 

It has its downfalls and has caused friction a few times but it made me realise I could do better than the people I was with and my former work environment

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Just now, Ratvan said:

It has its downfalls and has caused friction a few times but it made me realise I could do better than the people I was with and my former work environment

People don't like it when they can no longer manipulate you. 😂

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