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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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14 hours ago, sober4life said:

It is that and also we think of how awful the world is to us and worry what the world will do to small animals that can't protect themselves.  We want to protect them and help them.

Exactly part of the reason why I adopt rescued dogs and for their wonderful companionship.  I have 4 ranging from large, 2 medium and x-small yorkie 

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15 hours ago, sober4life said:

It is that and also we think of how awful the world is to us and worry what the world will do to small animals that can't protect themselves.  We want to protect them and help them.

Very true, I have some fish that are coming to me in poor condition in the next few days

Spent the last hour of work ripping up and re-scaping a "spare" aquarium that I had lying around

These will be going into our large meeting room

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On 3/19/2019 at 6:46 PM, JD4010 said:

Gosh yes. My life is centered around "others". I'm miserable as well. I've been that way for 50+ years. Wish it didn't have to be that way for you.

Thank you, JD.  I wish life was better for you, too.

 

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On 3/19/2019 at 11:05 PM, salparadise6132 said:

So sorry you're feeling this way, M! You rock in my eyes. Always have, and always will.  Just saying.  It's a down phase, and it will pass.  Big Hugs!!!!

Thanks, Brian, for the reminder and for the big hugs. 

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On 3/19/2019 at 6:46 PM, sober4life said:

I feel the same way you feel a lot of the time.  I know how you feel.  It hurts me knowing that you hurt so much.  I want you to have peace in this world and be happy and have whatever life you want.

Thank you, dear.  You're so kind.  I wish for you, too, whatever good you wish for yourself.

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If you're an ugly, deformed autistic, it's going to be much harder than someone who isn't. If you're very attractive, your life will be easier in many ways. Society values much of the physical appearance. I know that being ugly does not excuse for anti-social behavior, but these are painful facts.

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I'm doing pretty well lately. The new med I stared a few weeks ago seems to be working. Hopefully it will stay that way. I just can't take any more med changes. That has got to be hard on your body. I have lowered my expectations of myself and what meds can do. They were way too high before. So I'm hoping that will help too.

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Rested.  Woke up and meditated but am still a bit perturbed by a few things I am having difficulty letting go of.

Angry that I have ruminated on so much that does not help.  I try to shift my focus onto other things but the unwanted thoughts come back and linger when I am too tired to fight.

I want to change a lot with my life but need the security and stability that things like my job provide.

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Not looking forward to this weekend because it's going to be really awkward since I asked Casey out. I probably will not say a word to anybody at this rate because I really don't fit in with anyone who I work with anyways. One of the girls I work with predicted when I would die which is kind of strange. I don't know if she was kidding or not. Things at my workplace are still kind of a mess because of the layoffs that will happen on April 1st.

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I had a really bad day at work. My new annoying and difficult client is pushing me to my limit and I wasn't feeling good today to boot. Grrrr. 

And I kind of f'ed up by showing our client services director my stress today. I had to push back and let her know that I could not meet the client's extra request this week because I've already spent over the allotted hours they're paying us. If I spend extra time, then we're doing free work for them, not to mention my other client work suffers. Then I told her that if I am to do this extra task next week, that other tasks lined up for next week will have to wait. 

I am annoyed that this client is SO high maintenance and that they're demanding SO much of my time. I am also being stretched too thin at work, I am feeling the burden of it all, my boss says he'll lighten my load, but when exactly? I'm freaking dying over here. 

I suppose I should be flattered that my company gave me their most important client, but I am too overloaded and overstressed by it all to even feel that way. 

I'm grumpy. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. 😖

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Better, now that I'm done with the discord server support project and don't have nerve-wracking deadlines leading to self-defeating stress. Now I can go at a reasonable pace with my studies in psychology, spirituality, and the healing arts in both of those domains (and perhaps one day I'll start work with tai-chi to complete the mind-body-spirit balance 😛 ).

So, lets see if support is something I really want to focus on now as a "career" or hobby at least or if it's simply the experience of being a social creature as a means to complement my deep spiritual interests. Both is always an option I suppose 🙂 .

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