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How Do You Feel Right Now #10


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31 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Awww thanks Sober!!! It’s only natural to feel others pain and to feel helpless or hopeless over it. I wish everyone nothing but healing and greater happiness in life. Those of us with mental issues have a tougher battle than most to fight. It’s double the battle and pain. But happiness and improved well-being are well worth the fight. 

What's the answers to help people though?  Mental health in this world is completely failing.  It's a disaster that doesn't work at all.  People are strung on for years or decades with no real help.  It creates people like me that are scared to death of help at this point.  Something has to change right now!

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6 minutes ago, sober4life said:

What's the answers to help people though?  Mental health in this world is completely failing.  It's a disaster that doesn't work at all.  People are strung on for years or decades with no real help.  It creates people like me that are scared to death of help at this point.  Something has to change right now!

I don’t think mental health as a system is failing, unless I just don’t know any better. Medications plus individual or group therapy is usually the ticket to getting better. But with therapy, people need to put in the effort and time it takes. It’s hard, it’s painful and can suck, but a well trained and very good therapist or group therapy can make all the difference for a person. 

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3 hours ago, RiverLight said:

And now I want to leave this other mental health forum because I am being attacked when I am just trying to help. It’s upsetting because I know I’ve been a positive influence there. But it’s for my own health that I leave.

 

28 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

But with therapy, people need to put in the effort and time it takes. It’s hard, it’s painful and can suck, but a well trained and very good therapist or group therapy can make all the difference for a person. 

I wanted to focus - and perhaps you can - on two particularly salient points you made, the gist of which is that none of this is easy and most of us are gonna hit bumps in the road on this journey none of us asked for.

To wit, at the peak of dealing with Mom's dementia, I joined an online group as I desperately sought help.  It became apparent that many were there to shove their religion down the throats of others.  It devolved into bickering, even passive-aggressive and/or patronizing comments about my own psychological and medical issues.  tbh, I found FAR more help right here on DF.  I'd started to establish relationships, but just had to leave, as you said, for the sake of my own (flagging) mental health.

Like losing any relationship, of course the feeling of betrayal is gonna hurt for a while.  For one, however, I know from your posts you've plenty still to offer right here with your DF family.

Like you, yeah, I want to help people facing issues similar to mine.  A lot of that is old habit from when I started in 12-step programs years ago.  I keep in mind the phrase about sharing "experience, strength and hope."

Even decades later it sometimes still confounds me that Mark, still being such a damn mess, has ANYTHING to offer ANYONE.  I suppose that's the "experience" part.  Maybe that's something you can hold on to.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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6 hours ago, RiverLight said:

I decided for my own health that I must leave another forum I’m on. I’ve been an active member there for a long time, but I’ve been attacked three times on there in the last week alone simply for expressing my honest opinions and thoughts. That place is toxic to me lately and it’s getting worse. I don’t need it. I care too much about myself and my own well-being to allow people I don’t even know to bring me down. They’re complete strangers and they’re completely toxic. And I feel it’s truly unfortunate because I’ve gone there for support and give a lot of support too. Too bad it’s completely toxic for me. 

Self care is important and to walk away from negative energy takes strength and courage - i say bravo! move forward

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27 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

 

I wanted to focus - and perhaps you can - on two particularly salient points you made, the gist of which is that none of this is easy and most of us are gonna hit bumps in the road on this journey none of us asked for.

To wit, at the peak of dealing with Mom's dementia, I joined an online group as I desperately sought help.  It became apparent that many were there to shove their religion down the throats of others.  It devolved into bickering, even passive-aggressive and/or patronizing comments about my own psychological and medical issues.  tbh, I found FAR more help right here on DF.  I'd started to establish relationships, but just had to leave, as you said, for the sake of my own (flagging) mental health.

Like losing any relationship, of course the feeling of betrayal is gonna hurt for a while.  For one, however, I know from your posts you've plenty still to offer right here with your DF family.

Like you, yeah, I want to help people facing issues similar to mine.  A lot of that is old habit from when I started in 12-step programs years ago.  I keep in mind the phrase about sharing "experience, strength and hope."

Even decades later it sometimes still confounds me that Mark, still being such a damn mess, has ANYTHING to offer ANYONE.  I suppose that's the "experience" part.  Maybe that's something you can hold on to.

Thanks so much for your post! I greatly appreciate your thoughts and support.  

Never underestimate the power that your own related experience and empathetic support can provide. Some of the best counselors and helpers are those who have already been there and done that. Sure, we are all a work in progress - who isn’t, right?? Even those without mental heath issues are a work in progress. Experience brings wisdom, and what’s the point of having that wisdom if it’s not shared? 

Yes, I will most likely be on DF a bit more as a result. Such a warm place this is, esp. this thread in particular. And yeah it kinda hurts to have to leave that other forum since I’ve been there so long, but it’s for the sake of my mental health that I must. C’est la vie! 

Big hugs to you!!! 

 

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5 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I’m feeling terrible. I’m thinking of leaving this house and finding my own place. But even then I’ll need time to find a good place on my own. It needs to be somewhere I can live in peace and have the proper necessities to be able to live my daily life to go to work etc. And must be a place I would be comfortable in cos I don’t wanna regret moving out. But this will be a big step for me. It’s not like I never tried running away and leaving the house before. I tried many times to live with relatives etc. but always end up coming back. I need my own place, I can’t be living in other people’s place anymore. And I’m feeling so overwhelmed by all this. I wish I don’t hate the people living in this house. I wish I don’t have them hanging over my shoulder and commenting on every single thing I do. I wish my anxiety and thoughts can just go away. But it can’t cos it has happened too many times already. I know as the younger one I should just say sorry. But it’s difficult and I just can’t stop the past from repeating again and again in my head. Oh how I hate myself so much. 

I understand hat you are saying my friend

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I support what Sober4life and her dog are saying, you have to look after yourself first and foremost, always. I don’t know what kind of lobotomy it takes for a therapist to get through everybody elses issues...... we are all alike here, we want to help people, but we cant because we cannot give ourselves sufficient self care.... thus we get anxious, phsycotic, paranoid, etc etc. we have our own issues and we have to take care of them. I’m lighting the fire in case the power goes out. Its windy and snowing hard here now the freezing rain has stopped. 

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Thank you.  I would do anything to help people here.  That's what I'm going to do for myself as well for whatever time I have left to serve in this world.  I'm going to look after myself.  I'm smarter and stronger than I've ever been and I'm not going to let anyone hurt me again.  I had a doctor's appointment this month and they already don't want me to be living alone.  Big surprise.  I'll never go to her again and if I do I will tell them what they want to hear.  If I was honest they would probably have me in some group home by now.  I'm so sick of this evil messed up world.

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6 hours ago, sober4life said:

What's the answers to help people though?  Mental health in this world is completely failing.  It's a disaster that doesn't work at all.  People are strung on for years or decades with no real help.  It creates people like me that are scared to death of help at this point.  Something has to change right now!

Yes.  I have been in and out of therapy for about 20 years. 

 

4 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

I support what Sober4life and her dog are saying, you have to look after yourself first and foremost, always. I don’t know what kind of lobotomy it takes for a therapist to get through everybody elses issues...... we are all alike here, we want to help people, but we cant because we cannot give ourselves sufficient self care.... thus we get anxious, phsycotic, paranoid, etc etc. we have our own issues and we have to take care of them. I’m lighting the fire in case the power goes out. Its windy and snowing hard here now the freezing rain has stopped. 

Yes you do need to do your own leg work.  I am trying to get past a lot of my problems.  I am getting help but working for things on my own. 

Right now I feel a bit over caffeinated.  Not wanting to have to work 6 days a week but do not want to screw my teammates. 

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I'm actually feeling pretty happy.  I'm feeling strong and confident and hopeful.  I spend too much time hiding here at the house feeling sorry for myself.  That's going to change.  I'm going to stay sober.  I'm going to get the wonderful life I want and nothing and nobody will stop it from happening.

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It's going to be one of those days where it's going to take everything in me not to flip out but as I said nothing will stop me from getting to happiness.  My last post I sounded tough and ready to take on anything and of course God puts today in front of me to test me and says are you sure about that.  Grabs God by the shirt collar and pulls him in close and says you don't know who you're messing with.  You're going to have to try a hell of a lot harder than that!

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7 minutes ago, Extremebeginner said:

My anxiety is high this morning, no specific reason. I may need to spend the day, at least the morning in bed before I get up to do much

Anxiety works different for me.  When I'm very stressed out like right now I can't stay in bed.  It makes me angry to stay in bed.  The bed might as well be on fire.  My anxiety and the reason I'm worked up this morning is because the stupid wind that felt like it was going to rip the roof off all day yesterday has caused damage that I have to fix.  It's always something that messes up your day that you don't expect to happen.

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Validated...for once.  Appt with the NP this morning for my monthly draw/injections.  Been with him nearly eight years.  I mentioned the worsening anxiety attacks.

His take addressed the medical.  In short, considering the past several months, of course I'd be on edge.  I was hospitalized unconscious last fall, took almost two months to recover, barely avoided another hospitalization four weeks ago I couldn't have seen coming, and then got smacked with a fever a couple weeks later.  And he's familiar with the Mom drama in the midst of it all.  Yeah, he said, you've used the Xanax responsibly, get on a regular script from the pdoc.

If nothing else, a relief for once not having to fight someone else's denial or minimizations.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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I found someone to fix my roof tomorrow morning.  These are the days I have to do well and I did.  I found someone to fix the roof and also took care of other major stressful things today.  If I don't do well during these days one day down the road when the talk about putting me away comes up they will use days like these against me.  Guess what I did well!

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Don't know/care if I overdid today.  It was such a miraculous (in my mind) break from the past few weeks in a gray hole, I don't care.

Given that today was my monthly injections, perhaps it was knowing that I'll be physically reacting to the meds in the next 24-36 that pushed me a bit.

As I posted elsewhere - I'd only admit it here b/c it's humiliating - I finally got around to washing the bedsheets for the first time in a couple effin' months.  Also decided to run my regular laundry.  Since I know I'm gonna be...er...off physically tomorrow, decided a hot tub bath was in order.

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