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How Do You Feel Right Now #10


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30 minutes ago, Extremebeginner said:

I dont feel anything today either, so I have accepted that its a day if rest and I dont need to think of anything, clearly or not. I am listening to meditation music, and one of my cats is asleep next to me. Its cold and snowing outside, and I think I might light a fire at best today.

i think you are trying to force yourself to do something when its ok to rest and chill🤗🤗🤗

That sounds like a perfect sunday

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I feel..... very reflective about life right now. 

I have a wake to go to tomorrow. I am very sad over the loss of our friend.

Life truly is short, as cliche as that is. It is far too short for holding onto grudges, anger, or pettiness. We never know what's going to happen. One day you could be here, and the next, gone. I realize that some people here struggle with wanting to be here, and I've been there myself, several times. 

Sorry to be so morbid, but my friend just passed away and I am still in shock. It reminds me how precious life truly is, every time I lose someone. And I've lost many in my life. The older I get, the more people I see die. I've lost several good friends from college already.. they died so young. One, at age 50 not too long ago, leaving behind several children and a husband. Another, at age 46, leaving behind his wife. My dear cousin died at the age of the 30 from an undetected brain tumor that ran down her entire brain. I had a boyfriend a few years back who died out of the blue. Now, my friend. He was eating lunch, passed out and never came to. Man, it can happen to anyone. Poof, suddenly you're gone. 

I am 48. I want to live a long life. I know I have much more life to live. I want to experience so much more... I have much more to see, do and accomplish. I am not ready to go. I pray that my fiance remains healthy and lives a long life with me. 

And sorry, I don't want to trigger anyone. I am just very sad, in shock and feeling the fragility of life right now. 

 

Edited by RiverLight
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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I'm taking a break from this place for a while.  I don't have any hope anymore and I'm not going to just whine all the time.  I'm pulling away from everything and everyone for a while.

Get some rest.

Right now, I am pretty tired.  Concerned about my foot. 

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm taking a break from this place for a while.  I don't have any hope anymore and I'm not going to just whine all the time.  I'm pulling away from everything and everyone for a while.

Sober, I will still be wishing you every positive energy possible so you can regain hope. I think you have done amazingly well to go through what you have. Im guessing most of us eill still be here if you decide to come find us again. I dont see you as whining and noaning, just like myself a lost soul seeking comfort and reassurance. Hugs

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7 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

and believe that there are some nice people. You dont have to trust me for example, but you can give me  a chance to reassure you that  I will never do anything to hurt you, I will lousten to you, and offer my thoughts, but I will not judge you. You dont have to put your confidence in me, just give me a chance to help you through this struggle. I am not alone, there are nice people in this world,

HAHAHAHAHA LOL

You tell funny joke, made me laugh. Let me guess, you've never worked before, be it in office environment or customer service? Or had salespeople attempt to scam you?

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3 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I can't stay away.  I'm in a very dark place right now.  I've never been more depressed than I am now.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I don't have any reason to fight anymore or care anymore.  I'm convinced this is hell.

:hugs:sorry your feeling this way

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1 hour ago, iWantRope said:

HAHAHAHAHA LOL

You tell funny joke, made me laugh. Let me guess, you've never worked before, be it in office environment or customer service? Or had salespeople attempt to scam you?

Glad I could make you laugh for a while. Yes I did get scammed by four people too many, I married twice, bith narcisist’s, I managed a large office full of people with different opinions, and worked with some difficult ethical and legal situations. I exploded or imploded into a burn out that lasts to this day, where I spent half of it in bed, and tomorrow too, and the next.

i have lost everything except the hope that one day I may be able to return to a somewhat normal life, eating at least twice a day, chatting with a friend ir just not feeling like its my last day. To do that I need to believe there are some good people

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23 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I can't stay away.  I'm in a very dark place right now.  I've never been more depressed than I am now.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I don't have any reason to fight anymore or care anymore.  I'm convinced this is hell.

Just breath, sit calmly and listen to some meditation music, breath in deeply and out strongly....... just breath

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4 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

I am stressed going to quit taking one of my meds it’s a easy hard decision to make but am dune with it makes my anxiety bad so what’s the point right but I can get sick with out it but I am okay with that as crazy as it sounds 

I hope it works out for you Devlinkyla!

Take care.

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I feel there are ppl who dont care what happens to me. If something bad happens. I mentioned to once before about a bomb scare near my old work, and another the recent potential stalker issue with Meet-up. No expression of concern. Only reply is “oh.”

Feels these ppl are horrible.

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5 hours ago, Stand_alone said:

I feel there are ppl who dont care what happens to me. If something bad happens. I mentioned to once before about a bomb scare near my old work, and another the recent potential stalker issue with Meet-up. No expression of concern. Only reply is “oh.”

Feels these ppl are horrible.

That's how all the people are to me in real life.  I hear a lot of ohs and then right after they start talking about themselves.  I even remember when my health started failing and I told my family and one of them even said good I'm glad.

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I feel completely alone and hopeless at this point.  The rest of my life will be me coming back here alone in the evening and getting lost in madness day after day until one day my mind doesn't come back anymore.  It's had enough misery and torture and it doesn't feel like showing up for another day of it and I don't blame it for feeling that way.  My journey has been a long road to nowhere and at this point I want the journey to be over.

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Sober, stay with us, where are you giing today. Are you working or visit8ng or. Thats a step in the right direction, you are out of bed and doing something.  i wush I could get up today, its jus5 not happening. So try to see what you are already achieving today, and try not to let this evening bither you. One thing at a time, no matter how small it maybe

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50 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I feel completely alone and hopeless at this point.  The rest of my life will be me coming back here alone in the evening and getting lost in madness day after day until one day my mind doesn't come back anymore.  It's had enough misery and torture and it doesn't feel like showing up for another day of it and I don't blame it for feeling that way.  My journey has been a long road to nowhere and at this point I want the journey to be over.

My friend if you don't have you a pet will you consider getting you something that can give

you some love and affection back as you give it.  The world can be a lonely place without

something to look forward to coming back to everyday

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I don't have anything to come home to but the tv that I turn on and day dream about a better life that isn't possible anymore.  A pet isn't enough to fill the emptiness in me right now.  I need a person here that actually cares about me.  It's 500 days sober today and not one day did anyone in real life give me any encouragement about it.  Nobody cared.  Their attitude was always oh god she's talking about it again!  There is no worse feeling than fighting for your life alone.  There's no worse alone than knowing the people around you don't even care if you survive.

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Guess I'm staying low and letting the drippy, coughy cold run its course.  At least I've nothing particularly pressing this week.  Sounds odd, but I'm glad it's not something worse.  The rescue inhaler's getting a workout.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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Last night I told all my immediate family I loved them. We don’t usually say those words so my mom immediately came. She knew something was wrong. I had taken so many pills and alcohol I didn’t think I was going to make it through the night. I want help so bad. 

Today I feel funny, like I overtaxed my body. But oddly, I feel happy that I made it. 

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