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How Do You Feel Right Now #10


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Tired. Had a long, exhausting night last night both mentally and emotionally as well as physically just staying up too late. Migraine today which adds to the tiredness. Feel like I may have a shorter fuse today than normal and I feel the need to tell people in my life that im not as dumb as i look. -_-;

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Drained. It's like I'm putting more out than I'm getting in return and I keep hitting a deficit. I feel like I can't deal with myself anymore. It's a 24/7 commitment and I just want a break. Some days like today, after too many days of darkness, I go numb. It helps a little but eventually the cycle repeats.

I can't keep doing this, but I don't know what I can do.

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I live my whole life in fear.  I'm much less capable than most people but I have to appear to be more capable than anyone I know to remain safe in my life.  Everyone I know has to believe I can do this all on my own or I'm done.  That's why when terrible things happen like part of the roof got ripped off or the plumbing went bad or trees need cut down I have to do it or it has to be done in a way that there is no real record of it being done.  The people around me have to believe there is never any problems here.

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better this evening. I worked 9 hours yesterday and was so tired and drained when I got off. Doesn't help that I have been fighting a cold. Took of today and slept,  took cold meds and drank tea. now I want to be lazy and call out tomorrow.😏

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I’m very very very stressed at work now. My colleague is falling sick n I stupidly helped her in her work n now my own work is piling up. Ugh how do I manage my time I’m horrible. I’m just hating everything again now. But so what. I gotto face the music whether I like it or not. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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5 minutes ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I’m very very very stressed at work now. My colleague is falling sick n I stupidly helped her in her work n now my own work is piling up. Ugh how do I manage my time I’m horrible. 

That's usually me when I'm at a job.  I always help everyone out.  When I need help they act like they don't know me.  I've tried to be the good person my whole life but nobody else tries to be good.  They just use me as stairs.

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So, I may be getting laid off. At first I was upset, and now I am happy. I've been wanting to leave my company for the last six months. There's so many things wrong with the way it's run, from top to bottom. I know it has nothing to do with my performance and is financial. The CEO does not do any inside sales to obtain clients, which is really backwards. Now my boss and our manager are having to try and find us clients because we have none in the pipeline. BIG mistake. Our CEO relies solely on word of mouth. Well, at least I am skilled and employable & can take a pay cut if need be. I just got a 3.5% salary raise too, lol. He says I'm the highest paid in our dept and there's no additional clients to give me. It's weird that I am not scared right now. Maybe I'll be singing a different tune when it actually happens, but right now I feel happy and just fine. Most likely it's happening tomorrow.... at least the CEO told me he has to decide by the end of the week. I am also waiting on a potential job offer from another company. I am a finalist, so we'll see. 

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52 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

So, I may be getting laid off. At first I was upset, and now I am happy. I've been wanting to leave my company for the last six months. There's so many things wrong with the way it's run, from top to bottom. I know it has nothing to do with my performance and is financial. The CEO does not do any inside sales to obtain clients, which is really backwards. Now my boss and our manager are having to try and find us clients because we have none in the pipeline. BIG mistake. Our CEO relies solely on word of mouth. Well, at least I am skilled and employable & can take a pay cut if need be. I just got a 3.5% salary raise too, lol. He says I'm the highest paid in our dept and there's no additional clients to give me. It's weird that I am not scared right now. Maybe I'll be singing a different tune when it actually happens, but right now I feel happy and just fine. Most likely it's happening tomorrow.... at least the CEO told me he has to decide by the end of the week. I am also waiting on a potential job offer from another company. I am a finalist, so we'll see. 

I hope you get the other job.  I'm very proud of you.  You have been at your job for a short time and you're the highest paid in your department.  It shows you are exactly who I think you are.  They are doing with you the same thing they did with mom.  They fired her because she was the highest paid nurse.  Like you she was the best at what she did.  If the company thinks it's the right thing to do to get rid of their best employee it's not the right place for you.

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1 minute ago, sober4life said:

I hope you get the other job.  I'm very proud of you.  You have been at your job for a short time and you're the highest paid in your department.  It shows you are exactly who I think you are.  They are doing with you the same thing they did with mom.  They fired her because she was the highest paid nurse.  Like you she was the best at what she did.  If the company thinks it's the right thing to do to get rid of their best employee it's not the right place for you.

Thanks, Sober. :hugs::hugs:

Truly ironic isn't it? I know I'm the top in our department... I turned around one client from -40% traffic and -40% revenue to +20% traffic and +17% revenue. My colleague who had this client for a year before I came on board didn't accomplish that turnaround during his tenure, yet he was promoted above me not too long ago because he's best buds with my boss. They definitely run things in a seriously backwards manner (lots of favoritism), and not the way I would run things. So be it. Yes, I'm better off. I usually don't toot my own horn, but in this case, I can honestly say I am the best performer in my dept and I'm getting laid off. Twisted. I'll find something better for sure. 

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43 minutes ago, CoffeeAddict103 said:

A lot better mentally last week or so. I am going to stop talking to people in terms of dating online, too many creepos about. 

I keep saying I'm going to do online dating but I won't.  The person I'm talking to could be anyone.  If I really wanted someone in my life I wouldn't run inside every time and hide until I have to go out again.  I'm sick of the endless need to have someone in my life.  I go out I see people and scream and run back inside.  Maybe I should just stay inside.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

That's usually me when I'm at a job.  I always help everyone out.  When I need help they act like they don't know me.  I've tried to be the good person my whole life but nobody else tries to be good.  They just use me as stairs.

I know right it just makes me hate myself. Like what’s wrong with me ugh.

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Mood still good two weeks after stopping duloxetine. Some small feelings of shame creeping in today, so I am keeping a close eye on it. The course of medication gave me distance from and perspective on my depression. I feel more able to identify depressive thoughts and shut them down instead of falling into the spiral. On another positive note, my brain zaps are noticeably lighter today. Yay.

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I just feel like dying. I can’t do this. I’m so tired of this. Getting stomped on and pushed to the ground having no one to help me. Then having to drag myself out again. No one can help me but myself but it’s so hard. It’s so hard. God why is it so hard. But what can I do. What can I do but kick myself up again. 

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It's "funny" how people are.  They will never help you through your mom's death but they will certainly judge you in the way you grieve her death so their attitude is I can go to hell but I better go to hell in the way they want me to get there.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

It's "funny" how people are.  They will never help you through your mom's death but they will certainly judge you in the way you grieve her death so their attitude is I can go to hell but I better go to hell in the way they want me to get there. 

no one has the right to judge you on how you grieve. people grieve in many forms

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