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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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37 minutes ago, Soarsie18 said:

I’m finding life so hard right now. things are starting to go well for me. i’ve got a new friend. i’ve been put on a reserve list for university, but still i feel the same. too tired and numb. i don’t understand it. I feel like i just don’t have the energy to try and get back to normal and live life again

I know how you feel.  I feel the same way.  My life keeps getting better as well but I never get better mentally.  I could win the lottery and still feel like I'm at rock bottom emotionally.  I'm like Kurt Cobain.  I had a dream for myself but once I got there I decided I didn't like any of it.  None of it made me any happier.

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36 minutes ago, CoffeeAddict103 said:

Not too bad tonight, but since being on ssris this week music doesn't have the same effect on me. It sounds corny but I don't know how id be here today if it wasn't for music. 

Music affects me more than anything.  It's more powerful than any drug I've ever tried.  I almost always have it on the entire day.

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2 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I know how you feel.  I feel the same way.  My life keeps getting better as well but I never get better mentally.  I could win the lottery and still feel like I'm at rock bottom emotionally.  I'm like Kurt Cobain.  I had a dream for myself but once I got there I decided I didn't like any of it.  None of it made me any happier.

I am like morrissey. Without the talent, good looks, and wit of course. He is my hero. Without his songs and lyrics I don't know if I'd survive. It's like my life is being written about and put into songs. Love kurt too. 

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11 minutes ago, CoffeeAddict103 said:

I am like morrissey. Without the talent, good looks, and wit of course. He is my hero. Without his songs and lyrics I don't know if I'd survive. It's like my life is being written about and put into songs. Love kurt too. 

Nirvana, Soundgarden, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, Amy Winehouse all summed up my life very well.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I know how you feel.  I feel the same way.  My life keeps getting better as well but I never get better mentally.  I could win the lottery and still feel like I'm at rock bottom emotionally.  I'm like Kurt Cobain.  I had a dream for myself but once I got there I decided I didn't like any of it.  None of it made me any happier.

how are we ever going to be alright again 😞

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I'm tired out from the heat and some unexpected activity, but in a good way.

A photo opp came up out of the blue midday Wednesday, so a few of us made up a kinda ad hoc group to participate.  Considering I hadn't been out for ten days, it got me back in the swing of things.  Short term, that cleared out the cobwebs.  We got to see each other and have a good time.

Personally, I think I overdid.  I'm not in such a great space tonight, despite having a lovely afternoon with the guys.  I'm feeling tired and fighting off an anxiety attack.  Given the afternoon, I'm confused about these feelings...and don't even feel like examining or talking about them right now.

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28 minutes ago, Soarsie18 said:

how are we ever going to be alright again 😞

I don't know.  What it comes down to for me is I'm just too damaged from life I think.  I've been through too much.  Like I've said before I'm like a puzzle and every time I fall apart I put the pieces back together but another piece is gone each time.  I think about half the pieces are missing at this point.  It's a miracle I'm even able to function in society anymore.

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Oddly relaxed.  Contractors broke their toys again but I get to charge for standby.  I was hoping for at least 40 hours this week but no.  I was kind of pissed these last 2 nights about going home early but that is not going to get me more time on the clock. 

So a bit disappointed. 

 

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I had a really tough interview yesterday and feel really discouraged. At my level in my field I get test questions and case scenarios and it's only just gets harder the higher you rise. A lot of the knowledge I've gained has slipped through my fingers over the years. I don't know what I am going to do. I feel very stuck. I should take another certification course, I haven't in a couple years and I worry I don't have the energy.

Not only that, but I asked my boss to take social marketing off my plate, and I think he's angry. But at the same time, he kind of dumped it ALL on me when I expressed interest. 

I wish work was easier for me. I am really down right now. 

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2 hours ago, RiverLight said:

I had a really tough interview yesterday and feel really discouraged. At my level in my field I get test questions and case scenarios and it's only just gets harder the higher you rise. A lot of the knowledge I've gained has slipped through my fingers over the years. I don't know what I am going to do. I feel very stuck. I should take another certification course, I haven't in a couple years and I worry I don't have the energy.

Not only that, but I asked my boss to take social marketing off my plate, and I think he's angry. But at the same time, he kind of dumped it ALL on me when I expressed interest. 

I wish work was easier for me. I am really down right now. 

I've always seen you as a strong person a force to be reckoned with.  I always have and always will have faith in you.  You need to look in the mirror and see the person I see.  However things go stop being so hard on yourself.:hugs:

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I was doing pretty good in spite of not sleeping last night. But then one of my coworkers told me something the boss said/did before I got to work this morning. I'm becoming increasingly aranoid because of my boss. All of the evidence points to the fact that he has it out for me.

Wage slavery sucks.

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I thought things had calmed down in my life but today was like one of those moments on the mafia movies the best parts when a Rolling Stones song comes on and it's a moment you will remember forever.  Tomorrow could be more of the same.  Whatever happens tomorrow I somehow have to keep my cool through it.  I'm a survivor though for sure.  I've been doing this on my own now for almost a year and half.  Nothing will stop me now.

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've always seen you as a strong person a force to be reckoned with.  I always have and always will have faith in you.  You need to look in the mirror and see the person I see.  However things go stop being so hard on yourself.:hugs:

Thank you sooooooo much, Sober. You always have just the right words of encouragement and support. Thank you for this. Yes, I do need to see what you see in me. Massive hugs to you!!!!! 

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I’m feeling a bit better today after remembering David Lawrence Preston’s book that said to believe and imagine that everything that happens is for my ultimate benefit. Accepting that what has happened is for my experience, knowledge and for my own good and benefit. That’s the only way I can stop hating myself and move on. 

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55 minutes ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I’m feeling a bit better today after remembering David Lawrence Preston’s book that said to believe and imagine that everything that happens is for my ultimate benefit. Accepting that what has happened is for my experience, knowledge and for my own good and benefit. That’s the only way I can stop hating myself and move on. 

THANK YOU for posting this. I needed to read exactly this, right now in my life and on today, of all days. Thank you. :hugs:

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