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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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23 hours ago, nojoy said:

increase in one med and decrease in other. Coming out of a very depressive 24 hours. Hopefully everything will level off and I will begin to feel good.

Today, I feel good. Maybe its the change in meds or just my wishful thinking.  Just hope it continues.😀

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50 minutes ago, Devlinkyla said:

I went to post this all day am really not well this time am hiding it because I don’t want to go to the hospital or anything I also don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me I did however post in on here I few days I think it was am having thoughts of not wanting to be alive anymore and honestly if I wasn’t so scared of it I would try but then again it never works out just hurts my liver witch with the drinking I have dune and the pills I have taken it’s going to hate me later I know it well why can’t I just be happy for once like I was when I was a little kid I don’t know just needed to vent a bit I guess ty df and everyone for just being you I do appreciate everyone of you very much hope all is well and wishing all the best for everyone of you

I know how you feel.  I feel the same way.

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2 hours ago, Stand_alone said:

For the first time I unfriended someone on facebook. I only had it for about 5 years. We used to be besties but drifted apart and she became cold and neglectful. it is disrespectful to mistreat anyone just to appease others.

Y'know, perfectly fine to unfollow, unfriend or even block someone.  All kinds of gray areas available.  It depends on their toxicity to me.  Mebbe b/c I'm old, but I don't care how many followers I have.  I use FB to keep engaged with friends and colleagues.

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23 minutes ago, CoffeeAddict103 said:

Back where I'm supposed to be living tonight. Been on edge and paranoid most of the night. How did I ever end up like this? 

I'm always paranoid.  I'll never trust anyone again.  When it starts to get dark here my paranoia gets worse.  My paranoia comes from true fear being alone here at the house because I fully expect someone to hurt me every day.  I'm surprised when people are nice to me.

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5 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm always paranoid.  I'll never trust anyone again.  When it starts to get dark here my paranoia gets worse.  My paranoia comes from true fear being alone here at the house because I fully expect someone to hurt me every day.  I'm surprised when people are nice to me.

Same here it's always worse at night. These meds don't seem to be staving it. I have developed a complex about something. And it involves other people. My emotional stimuli to this thing is out of whack. It's normal to make most people feel uncomfortable I think, but it is making me scared, on edge, pent up and resentful. I've come to the conclusion there's also some unwarranted jealousy on my part. This is causing my quality of life to turn to s***. It's a small thing, but I am worrying constantly about it. 

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21 minutes ago, CoffeeAddict103 said:

Same here it's always worse at night. These meds don't seem to be staving it. I have developed a complex about something. And it involves other people. My emotional stimuli to this thing is out of whack. It's normal to make most people feel uncomfortable I think, but it is making me scared, on edge, pent up and resentful. I've come to the conclusion there's also some unwarranted jealousy on my part. This is causing my quality of life to turn to s***. It's a small thing, but I am worrying constantly about it. 

I'm afraid of almost everyone most of the time.  It's because I've been abused so much in life.  I know how awful people can be so why would I expect others to be better.  Even if they are better I don't want to risk someone hurting me again.  There are good people and there are awful people capable of anything.  Usually the monsters seem to find me and I'm sick of it.  Yes I'm always on edge and resentful and bitter and angry all the time.  This life has been a total nightmare so far!

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8 hours ago, JD4010 said:

How often do the zaps come? Last time I tried to get away from Citalopram, I'd have zaps occur about every 30 seconds. I felt like I was phasing in and out of the universe.

I've tried not to focus on them so not sure. It's definitely linked to eye movement. If I move my eyes quickly in any direction, ZAP!

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5 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I don’t know is it a good thing or a bad thing but we will survive. Crying screaming kicking through it all we will definitely survive and we will still be here next year, still standing after having learning many lessons along the way.

We just got to somehow tell ourselves that it’s hard, but we can take it; 

it’s bad, but not horrible; I’m fallible, but I’m still worthy. And the only place we can let out our troubles is here on DF. 

So much wisdom in this post!!!  Thanks DG!

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Today was better than the last week or so. But I should have tried to go to bed two hours ago, when I was in a great mood. Now I'm upset about something and I'm probably going to obsess about it all night, and I really would rather be sleeping.

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Posted (edited)

Not good today. Every interaction felt negative and wrong. I felt like I made an enemy of anyone who crossed my path. I'm sure this is an over statement but that's how it felt. Some days I just need to be alone. No good can come from an interaction with my toxic mode switched on. ☠️

Edited by Nightjar

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Posted (edited)
17 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Not good today. Every interaction felt negative and wrong. I felt like I made an enemy of anyone who crossed my path. I'm sure this is an over statement but that's how it felt. Some days I just need to be alone. No good can come from an interaction with my toxic mode switched on. ☠️

That's how I feel most days.  It's paranoia mixed with true fear of people.  I doubt I will ever fully trust anyone again.  Every encounter with anyone I go into very suspicious and looking for reasons not to trust the person and I'm constantly trying to figure out what they are up to.  I'm never happy to see anyone show up to my house.  It's always an oh no they're here run for your lives!

Edited by sober4life

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Posted (edited)
37 minutes ago, sober4life said:

That's how I feel most days.  It's paranoia mixed with true fear of people.  I doubt I will ever fully trust anyone again.  Every encounter with anyone I go into very suspicious and looking for reasons not to trust the person and I'm constantly trying to figure out what they are up to.  I'm never happy to see anyone show up to my house.  It's always an oh no they're here run for your lives!

That's understandable sober. We haven't been treated well by the people in our life so far. It stands to reason we would feel afraid and have difficulties. I just hope we can open our hearts to the right people, that's all :hugs:

Edited by Nightjar

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Posted (edited)
33 minutes ago, PraiseBrownies said:

Guys

Guys

Holy heck

The bakery i was interning at just hired me for a proper paying position

As a pastry chef

I just got hired for my dream job

😄😄

That's the best news I've heard for a long time!  I'm very happy for you!

Edited by sober4life

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23 hours ago, Rattler6 said:

Somewhat tired and relaxed.  I am not getting many hours this week or last, which is a bit of a bummer.  I am grateful for at least some income. 

More needed things that need to be paid for.  I am grateful that I have the money for it. 

I am closing in on 2 financial goals.  Which I am grateful for. 

Kind of lonely.  But better alone and content than with company that makes things unpleasant. 

Got a little pissed off earlier today.  But have calmed down. 

well, it's always good to be able to pay your bills and I'm glad that you have calmed down

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Well, I'm feeling a little nervous right now, my job asked me to go to a church with them to help educate them about the end of life decisions.

I will have to open things up for them and begin the presentation off and then I give it to them.   :help:

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27 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

Well, I'm feeling a little nervous right now, my job asked me to go to a church with them to help educate them about the end of life decisions.

I will have to open things up for them and begin the presentation off and then I give it to them.   :help:

I wouldn't do it.  It's very likely it could lead to arguments or debates of some kind.

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I'm mostly just isolating now going into the darkness as far as a person can go.  I've run from mom's death for long enough.  If the sadness was meant to crush me and destroy me it will.  I really don't care what happens anymore to be honest.  I don't care if I have a happy ending because I don't deserve one.

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I’m finding life so hard right now. things are starting to go well for me. i’ve got a new friend. i’ve been put on a reserve list for university, but still i feel the same. too tired and numb. i don’t understand it. I feel like i just don’t have the energy to try and get back to normal and live life again

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Life is so hard i don’t understand how i’m supposed to cope with it ever again. my anxieties through the roof. i find myself pinching myself whenever i have to talk about any plans in the future because it has me so anxious

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