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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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2 hours ago, Ratvan said:

Released from Hospital today, now sat at home. Beginning the start of my 3 weeks rest and recuperation

bored already

Some of us are very restless.  The idea of 3 weeks rest is impossible for some of us.  There's been plenty of times where I was told I needed bed rest and I never listened.  I couldn't listen.

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19 hours ago, Tears_Always said:

nah you need no come live in the prairies we get heat but next to nothing in humidity.

Yeah, I could see myself in Alberta or Saskatchewan. I sometimes "drive" down highways in those provinces via Google Maps Streetview.

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8 hours ago, Soarsie18 said:

I could talk about my feelings in more detail, like i used to, but i just don't have the energy anymore. I've been looking for a way out and I can't find one. It's all out of my reach, so now i don't even see the point in explaining myself anymore. Nothing could fix me. I'm so stuck I've given up on trying to help myself. Most people can imagine what they want their life to be like in 10 years time. I try and imagine that now, maybe to give myself a reason to keep on living, but I can't. Whenever I try to my mind tells me that I'm lying to myself. That I will just get hurt, and so i shut down again. I don't believe I will make it to my 20ties .

Damn. I'm sorry.

I'm sure you're weary of people telling you that you are still young and that there's a whole life ahead of you. But from the vantage point of a guy turning 60 soon, it seems true.

I'm the world's biggest pessimist, but even I know that something good could come along and change everything around for you. It could happen, and it very likely will happen.

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11 minutes ago, CoffeeAddict103 said:

I cannot control my moods swings. Anything sets me off, then I'm possessed. I don't know what has got hold of me.

I've been constant mood swings the whole time I've been alive.  I've never been in control.  It's like I'm strapped into an amusement park ride.  I just have to hope it doesn't crash.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Damn. I'm sorry.

I'm sure you're weary of people telling you that you are still young and that there's a whole life ahead of you. But from the vantage point of a guy turning 60 soon, it seems true.

I'm the world's biggest pessimist, but even I know that something good could come along and change everything around for you. It could happen, and it very likely will happen.

Thank you. That means a lot. The problem is i'm very sure of what I want to do. And at the moment I can't see that working out, ever. I can't see that I will be able to get over it. It hurts so much and I just feel so useless. I've never felt like this before and it scares me. 

And even though something good could come along, everyday life is so painful I don't know how long I can put up with it.

Edited by Soarsie18

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4 hours ago, Soarsie18 said:

at the moment I can't see that working out, ever. I can't see that I will be able to get over it. It hurts so much and I just feel so useless. I've never felt like this before and it scares me. 

Why won't it work out? Don't believe everything your depression tells you. Life can be scary. I'm old and I'm still scared of life.

One day at a time, one baby step at a time and breathe when the fear (depression) tries to take over. You are strong! 

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Defeated... I ****ed up and ruined my life, again... Basically I'm down to two choices, end it or sell everything of value and move to another country to try to get some breathing room and buy myself some more time to work things out. I'm leaning toward the former, I don't think I have enough fight left to try to start over again now that I'm almost 38, what's the point anyway? Nevermind that it would be a struggle for survival, I don't need this, not for a life that isn't worth living to begin with. 

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Posted (edited)

Worried about Soarsie she is so down. The depression is taking her over and she doesn't seem to want to fight, even though I know she is strong and she can win.

All of us have a fear of the unknown, it comes from being the weakest animal out there, even though we don't want to remember that.

Still not feeling well had a shower before heading to bed to remove some of the pain in my shoulder, and lost all of my supper right down to dry heaves, still feel like there is more to come out. Hopefully I can sleep tonight.

Edited by Tears_Always

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8 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Defeated... I ****ed up and ruined my life, again... Basically I'm down to two choices, end it or sell everything of value and move to another country to try to get some breathing room and buy myself some more time to work things out. I'm leaning toward the former, I don't think I have enough fight left to try to start over again now that I'm almost 38, what's the point anyway? Nevermind that it would be a struggle for survival, I don't need this, not for a life that isn't worth living to begin with. 

Damn!!! That sucks.  Life is pain and misery.   😢 I am wondering if you could look at things from a different angle?

We need you here on DF. 

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7 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Can't sleep, too much going on in my head. So tempted to self-harm right now despite having been "clean" (not counting biting or hitting myself) for 6 years... 

NO!  NO!  Please don't self harm.  We are here to support you.

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25 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Mom's birthday is in a couple of days so I feel exactly how people think I would feel.  It's 7:41 AM and I feel like starting drinking right now but I won't.  

Please don't drink.  We love you the way you are.  

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Mom's birthday is in a couple of days so I feel exactly how people think I would feel.  It's 7:41 AM and I feel like starting drinking right now but I won't.  

I know exactly the feeling, having for years experienced with Dad.  Maybe it's waaaay too soon, but is there something meaningful to you that you can do to honor her?

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7 hours ago, Tears_Always said:

Still not feeling well had a shower before heading to bed to remove some of the pain in my shoulder

idk if this would be useful - more a home remedy - but are epsom salts in a bath an option you've considered?

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