MarkintheDark Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Day ended on an up note. Stifling heat just kept me bunkered in the a/c until I got a heads up from another photog about an unexpected sunset photo opp. Actually beat the traffic, got the shot...and even ran into a buddy - yep, another photog - I haven't seen in a couple years. Kinda made up for the rest of the day. 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellerose Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 (edited) I’m not quite sure how I’m feeling. Edited June 21, 2019 by bellerose 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tears_Always Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 didn't sleep last night and I figured I would be a wreck today wasn't as teary as I thought I would be. But wasn't tracking well, got dizzy off and on, and overall felt disassociated with the world. The shoulder that I dislocated in Feb is hurting really bad guess I didn't do enough to keep the strength up in it once I finished physio so now I have to work forward again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hertz Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Guilty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattler6 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Content as I am making money. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soarsie18 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 When I'm distracted i'm good. As soon as i'm alone in bed I cry and pray to god that I don't have to live anymore. I don't feel alive anymore. I feel like i'm just waiting for time to go by. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soarsie18 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 1 minute ago, Soarsie18 said: When I'm distracted i'm good. As soon as i'm alone in bed I cry and pray to god that I don't have to live anymore. I don't feel alive anymore. I feel like i'm just waiting for time to go by. I could talk about my feelings in more detail, like i used to, but i just don't have the energy anymore. I've been looking for a way out and I can't find one. It's all out of my reach, so now i don't even see the point in explaining myself anymore. Nothing could fix me. I'm so stuck I've given up on trying to help myself. Most people can imagine what they want their life to be like in 10 years time. I try and imagine that now, maybe to give myself a reason to keep on living, but I can't. Whenever I try to my mind tells me that I'm lying to myself. That I will just get hurt, and so i shut down again. I don't believe I will make it to my 20ties . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I feel pretty good today. I don't have to work until Tuesday and I hope I don't see anyone until then. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Well, I've been working hard. A bit too hard, granted but I don't feel too bad. Have a couple of things to do this afternoon but will try to get lots of relaxation in this evening. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 1 hour ago, Nightjar said: Well, I've been working hard. A bit too hard, granted but I don't feel too bad. Have a couple of things to do this afternoon but will try to get lots of relaxation in this evening. I work very hard too. Age is catching up to me though. It's that time in my life where I have to start acting my age. I work too hard like a work horse when I do work. If I keep this up I will fall over from a heart attack like most of my family do. I'm going to start going through life with a different attitude. Life is short so I'm going to start being more easy on myself. I have to. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratvan Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Released from Hospital today, now sat at home. Beginning the start of my 3 weeks rest and recuperation bored already 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladysmurf Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 i've slept most of these days..too tired and the weather isn't helping...it's Friday.. hope people enjoy their weekend ! i hope i can get out there even if its for a walk.. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soarsie18 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I need help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 2 hours ago, Ratvan said: Released from Hospital today, now sat at home. Beginning the start of my 3 weeks rest and recuperation bored already Some of us are very restless. The idea of 3 weeks rest is impossible for some of us. There's been plenty of times where I was told I needed bed rest and I never listened. I couldn't listen. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 19 hours ago, Tears_Always said: nah you need no come live in the prairies we get heat but next to nothing in humidity. Yeah, I could see myself in Alberta or Saskatchewan. I sometimes "drive" down highways in those provinces via Google Maps Streetview. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 8 hours ago, Soarsie18 said: I could talk about my feelings in more detail, like i used to, but i just don't have the energy anymore. I've been looking for a way out and I can't find one. It's all out of my reach, so now i don't even see the point in explaining myself anymore. Nothing could fix me. I'm so stuck I've given up on trying to help myself. Most people can imagine what they want their life to be like in 10 years time. I try and imagine that now, maybe to give myself a reason to keep on living, but I can't. Whenever I try to my mind tells me that I'm lying to myself. That I will just get hurt, and so i shut down again. I don't believe I will make it to my 20ties . Damn. I'm sorry. I'm sure you're weary of people telling you that you are still young and that there's a whole life ahead of you. But from the vantage point of a guy turning 60 soon, it seems true. I'm the world's biggest pessimist, but even I know that something good could come along and change everything around for you. It could happen, and it very likely will happen. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattler6 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I was a little irritated that I was not working tonight but my boss wanted to give me the night off. Might be working over the weekend. I will miss out on a few things but the OT is worth it. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 11 minutes ago, CoffeeAddict103 said: I cannot control my moods swings. Anything sets me off, then I'm possessed. I don't know what has got hold of me. I've been constant mood swings the whole time I've been alive. I've never been in control. It's like I'm strapped into an amusement park ride. I just have to hope it doesn't crash. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duck Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Tired, exhausted, scared by my recent nightmares. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soarsie18 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, JD4010 said: Damn. I'm sorry. I'm sure you're weary of people telling you that you are still young and that there's a whole life ahead of you. But from the vantage point of a guy turning 60 soon, it seems true. I'm the world's biggest pessimist, but even I know that something good could come along and change everything around for you. It could happen, and it very likely will happen. Thank you. That means a lot. The problem is i'm very sure of what I want to do. And at the moment I can't see that working out, ever. I can't see that I will be able to get over it. It hurts so much and I just feel so useless. I've never felt like this before and it scares me. And even though something good could come along, everyday life is so painful I don't know how long I can put up with it. Edited June 21, 2019 by Soarsie18 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nojoy Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 4 hours ago, Soarsie18 said: at the moment I can't see that working out, ever. I can't see that I will be able to get over it. It hurts so much and I just feel so useless. I've never felt like this before and it scares me. Why won't it work out? Don't believe everything your depression tells you. Life can be scary. I'm old and I'm still scared of life. One day at a time, one baby step at a time and breathe when the fear (depression) tries to take over. You are strong! 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyforeigner Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Defeated... I ****ed up and ruined my life, again... Basically I'm down to two choices, end it or sell everything of value and move to another country to try to get some breathing room and buy myself some more time to work things out. I'm leaning toward the former, I don't think I have enough fight left to try to start over again now that I'm almost 38, what's the point anyway? Nevermind that it would be a struggle for survival, I don't need this, not for a life that isn't worth living to begin with. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 9 hours ago, Soarsie18 said: I need help What can we do to help 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Tired today one one of going off one of my meds this might end up being hard but it’s the right thing to do at this point 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyforeigner Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Can't sleep, too much going on in my head. So tempted to self-harm right now despite having been "clean" (not counting biting or hitting myself) for 6 years... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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