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How Do You Feel Right Now #10


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Pretty decent. Saw Avengers Endgame for the second time. Had some good food today. I'm feeling a little nauseous since I get carsick but it'll pass. I get to eat sushi tomorrow too, it's my favorite. I'm just burned out from being outside and energetic for so long, but I don't feel bad by any means. 

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15 minutes ago, Devlinkyla said:

Resly want to know what the point in trying anymore is

Its hard to figure that one out. I’m feeling the same today,, and dont know what to do. I hope knowing that others around you helps give you some energy to at least get a good nights sleep, hugs

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1 hour ago, Devlinkyla said:

Really lonely today I haven’t felt this sad in awhile 

I hear you for me everyday is alone and lonely, I often feel that I am existing on some other plane than everyone else. It does not seem to matter what I do I am unable to connect with anyone else. when people talk about friends here I feel jealous that they have such things and I do not.

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On 6/14/2019 at 4:48 AM, nothing_man said:

Hello there, I'm feeling... not wanting to go to sleep. It's almost 6 AM here, still up. Could be bad. On the other hand, I'm not punishing myself with rough thoughts, although sometimes I have this sudden thoughts of not existing anymore, life is pretty empty for me right now, the only things that keeps me going is some hope... that things will be better in the future. I always try to remember that I should not complain... there're people going through harder things that my psychological stuff. I hope you're doing good.

Hi NM.  First, welcome!!!  Glad you're here but wished you didn't feel a need to be!

This post sounds to me like guilt.  "my psychological stuff is not a real, valid, form of hurt.

Well, truth is, it is.  Very real.  And the biggest killer of youth around the world!

Please stop comparing yourself to others "worse off."  You, and I, and the others on here are confronted with the true horror of depression and other mental illnesses.  These are very real.  And they are not our fault!

They can be treated, and we can achieve peace of mind.  But, for me the first step is not to feel guilty about it being "only something in my brain."

Would a liver cancer patient say, "heck, it's only something in my liver cells?"

Hugs to you.  Your pain is valid!!!!

 

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11 hours ago, evalynn said:

Why am I so deeply insecure that I want even people I can't stand to think well of me? Wouldn't the wisest course be to not care what people think of me (beyond those you are close to of course)? Like, who the hell are they? Why can't I get over a latent childhood sense of inferiority? What do I have to do?

You sound like me, in this post LOL!

The answer is yes, that would be the wisest course.  And not only that, the only course, the self loving course that says "I matter more than anything some other flawed human being thinks of me."

Who TF are they, anyway? 

They will die like the rest of us, so, by definition, they are not gods who can pass judgment.  They do not own your soul.  You do!!

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Can we truly be happy in this world? Can we ever be content? Can our desires really make us happy? What we have right now can easily be taken away from us. So why do we bother? I hate it when my mind starts asking what’s the point of all this. There is no point. None. Zero. Zilch. Stop thinking. Just stop. I can stare for hours into empty space just having these thoughts running in my head. Then end up hating myself and hating my life. As usual. Just stop. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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I kept it together and did pretty well today.  You know I have a pretty big heart and it's completely broken.  The last thing I needed was to have a fathers day that I had to survive.  Mom and I were very very close my whole adult life so it destroys me completely how things have gone with family.  You might as well say I have none now because nobody is family like I need them.  I can't take this anymore!

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At this point half my personality is just me being conflicted.  My head will flip back and forth from "my life sucks" and "I'm so blessed."  Or it'll flip between "my parents are abusive i have to leave soon" to "what if i never leave what if they're not as bad as i think"

I guess it's good that lots of people help snap me back to reality. The reality that it's tough and confusing and conflicting but I'm going to make it through okay. 

Right?

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Glad I got to spend some time with my dad.  

Glad that I am going back to work. 

Really unhappy with my life.  I am tired of my boring line of work and of living in this fake town.  At least the state I live in still has a lot of liberties.

I am disappointed in myself for my stagnation.  I have been learning a few things from work.  And I get to work on big projects but I am not satisfied.  The pay is good at least.

 

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1 hour ago, PraiseBrownies said:

At this point half my personality is just me being conflicted.  My head will flip back and forth from "my life sucks" and "I'm so blessed."  Or it'll flip between "my parents are abusive i have to leave soon" to "what if i never leave what if they're not as bad as i think"

You're describing the thought processes uncomfortably familiar to most of us.  That's to say, it's particularly difficult for many of us to find the middle ground in our heads.

It's a daily issue for me.  It's such a relief to have good days, my inclination is to put on the rose colored glasses.  And bad days are, well, REALLY bad.  Best I've been able to do is to at least have some awareness of my thoughts and when it's my depression speaking.  tbh, that may not necessarily help what I'm FEELING at the moment.  I sometimes have to content myself with just being aware of the thoughts.

Quite often the thoughts have to do with the past or the future, too.  Believe me, I go through plenty of that bounce.  Lots of material.  idk if this is helpful - it's barely PG - but I heard a saying, "One foot in yesterday, one foot in tomorrow, p*ss all over today."

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Had a decent day, even if it was a struggle to stay in the moment.

Did what I could to honor my dad, who's been gone for almost 34 years.  I was able to stick a toe in the past, but decided not to wade in.  Next month's surgery is on my mind and it's been hard to detour around it, particularly how/if the post-op pain will be managed.  Nevertheless, enjoyed things like the rain all day that kept Spot inside curled up with me whenever/wherever he could.

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On 6/15/2019 at 2:43 PM, sober4life said:

I hate that my mental illness forces me to lie to everyone I know.  I'll never be honest with any of them or be honest with anyone in real life about how I'm feeling again.  I could be on fire and I would grit my teeth and say I'm fine with the most fake smile of all time.

So both of us are eccedentesiast's

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