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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

Feeling under the weather today. Also bruised and battered. But I'm not done yet, you bastards (not you, lovely DF folk).

I feel the same way.  The people in real life have bruised and battered me as well but I'm never done.  As long as there is a heartbeat I'm going to keep marching toward the life I want!

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This life is very hard alone when you're poor.  You have to know how to talk to people to get things done other ways.  Nobody cares if I have a problem.  I have to live my life in the barter system.  It's the only way to get things done.  It's terrifying living in that way knowing you have to convince people to help you with huge things.

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I went to the place where I was supposed to meet the person tonight and I had a panic attack and had to run out.  My family was there and I talked to them for 30 seconds and started having a panic attack from talking to them and I ran out of there!

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23 hours ago, sober4life said:
On 6/12/2019 at 4:04 PM, Devlinkyla said:

Hope everyone is doing alright am okay went to the beach yesterday my headache kinda made me miserable but I love it at the same time am just tired of my head hurting

It worries me that you always have a headache.

I had the same problem occur 2 years ago. GP couldn't figure out why I had it for 3 months and nothing stopped the constant pain, out me on BP meds. Headache continued by 4 month sent me to Neurologist, had a Cat scan and MRI , she couldn't figure it out but did prescribe a seizure med just in case it was undetected seizures occurring (but it did nothing to stop the headache).  6 months later I decided to see an eye doctor since nothing was helping and it had been a while since I last saw him.  He walks in, looks in my left eye and said you have shingles.  I about fell out the chair laughing because I have never had shingles. He tells me that I have 2 tiny shingles on the cornea of my left eye. He prescribed a very expensive ointment by this time I didn't care what it cost,  the headache was getting worse. Three days after using the ointment, the headache was gone. And I didn't have insurance at this point, but all doctors help me by taking payments.

Get your eyes looked at before spending alot of money. If I'd had half a brain back then, I would have thought of seeing eye doctor first.

 

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23 minutes ago, nojoy said:

I had the same problem occur 2 years ago. GP couldn't figure out why I had it for 3 months and nothing stopped the constant pain, out me on BP meds. Headache continued by 4 month sent me to Neurologist, had a Cat scan and MRI , she couldn't figure it out but did prescribe a seizure med just in case it was undetected seizures occurring (but it did nothing to stop the headache).  6 months later I decided to see an eye doctor since nothing was helping and it had been a while since I last saw him.  He walks in, looks in my left eye and said you have shingles.  I about fell out the chair laughing because I have never had shingles. He tells me that I have 2 tiny shingles on the cornea of my left eye. He prescribed a very expensive ointment by this time I didn't care what it cost,  the headache was getting worse. Three days after using the ointment, the headache was gone. And I didn't have insurance at this point, but all doctors help me by taking payments.

Get your eyes looked at before spending alot of money. If I'd had half a brain back then, I would have thought of seeing eye doctor first.

 

That’s a good  idea thank you

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The fiancé is coming home early today so I’m happy for that. I had another good session at group today. I have good momentum from it, but I’m nervous about hitting a wall and wanting to call it quits. It always becomes difficult at some point. Anticipation is not my friend in this case. Hoping to stay in the present more. 

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Just now, sober4life said:

I didn't know shingles could be in your eyes.  That sounds terrible!  My grandpa had shingles for 6 months and he barely got any sleep the whole time.  They couldn't get rid of it.

I didn't either until the eye doctor showed me what it looks like. Just like shingles on the body except smaller and now I'm paranoid even more about my eyes. 

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Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, bellerose said:

The fiancé is coming home early today so I’m happy for that. I had another good session at group today. I have good momentum from it, but I’m nervous about hitting a wall and wanting to call it quits. It always becomes difficult at some point. Anticipation is not my friend in this case. Hoping to stay in the present more. 

When you hit that wall, hang on and don't stop. that wall is depression telling you what to do and feel.

Glad you have you fiance coming home to bring a smile to you.

Edited by nojoy

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Posted (edited)

Turns out I was bullied a lot as a child but thanks to my permanent state of obliviousness I had no idea.

Last night my fiance was talking about how he and all my other childhood friends had to fight a bunch of people when we were younger who were making fun of me and i just went "huh????" He then informed me i was a prime bullying target and I had no idea.

I found it utterly hilarious.  Is that weird?

Edited by PraiseBrownies

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Hello there, I'm feeling... not wanting to go to sleep. It's almost 6 AM here, still up. Could be bad. On the other hand, I'm not punishing myself with rough thoughts, although sometimes I have this sudden thoughts of not existing anymore, life is pretty empty for me right now, the only things that keeps me going is some hope... that things will be better in the future. I always try to remember that I should not complain... there're people going through harder things that my psychological stuff. I hope you're doing good.

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On 6/12/2019 at 7:11 PM, Kogent5 said:

Finally contacted cops again about neighborhood kids congregating in front of house and damaging fence. It's been 3 weeks and they've not let up. Fence looks awful. Now they are throwing garbage over.

I am mentally exhausted and my panic attack symptoms showed up again (I think because I am worried about increased harrassment due to contacting cops).

It's funny, because everything else in my life is going pretty well.

I really dislike those type of issues.  It's a pain in the butt.

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43 minutes ago, Soarsie18 said:

Highschool 🙂 

I didn't realize you were still in highschool.  The last day I had to go to my highschool was the best day of my life.  I didn't even show up for the graduation.  Most of those people I never saw again and I'm glad of that.

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I didn't realize you were still in highschool.  The last day I had to go to my highschool was the best day of my life.  I didn't even show up for the graduation.  Most of those people I never saw again and I'm glad of that.

me too, I won’t be going to the prom. I’m so glad to get the hell out of there and to never have to see those people again and be reminded of the painful memories

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On 6/12/2019 at 8:31 PM, nojoy said:

Don't believe you're clumsy. I've seen the surfing picture. And your parents won't be happy but they will be glad not to have to pick glass out your fingers!!😁:hugs:

it doesn’t come naturally. I am very clumsy. Oh well. 🙂 they’d tell me to pick the glass out myself haha 😅 hugs Joy

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On 6/13/2019 at 9:58 AM, ladysmurf said:

I wonder if I will ever feel happiness again ..

I think it is possible, if not in a general way, but specifically.  Nobody is happy all the time.  What would be our purpose here on earth if some of that purpose were not how to get through the day?????????????????  (Aughhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!)

Anyway, the best I can do for myself is take pleasure in small things--like a beautiful day, or a full moon.  I've often rued the fact that I can't string all my happy moments together into a continuum with the momentum to create more happy moments all the time.  Instead, I have to pluck those moments from memory, and be conscious of new happy moments as they happen.  (And they don't happen all the time.)  I think there's a term for this . . . ?  "Mindfulness," maybe?  Eckhart Tolle proponent?  

Thinking of you, and wishing you at least one moment of happiness. 

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