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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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35 minutes ago, duck said:

I was having severe headaches for many months. My primary/family doctor told me he cannot find anything wrong.  One day I went to a different doctor and immediately told me my b pressure is high.  He prescribed some meds and I bought them and took one.  Ten minutes later my headache went away.  

I take blood pressure meds just got the dose cut in half so we well see how that goes I also see anther doctor soon

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51 minutes ago, Devlinkyla said:

I take blood pressure meds just got the dose cut in half so we well see how that goes I also see anther doctor soon

That's good.   I hope you get help.

 

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53 minutes ago, Devlinkyla said:

I take blood pressure meds just got the dose cut in half so we well see how that goes I also see anther doctor soon

It's strange.  The time when you passed out your blood pressure probably was low but usually a headache is a sign of high blood pressure.  Maybe sometimes it's too high and other times it's too low.  I used to have both issues in my early sobriety.  My blood pressure was all over the place.

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Posted (edited)

Finally contacted cops again about neighborhood kids congregating in front of house and damaging fence. It's been 3 weeks and they've not let up. Fence looks awful. Now they are throwing garbage over.

I am mentally exhausted and my panic attack symptoms showed up again (I think because I am worried about increased harrassment due to contacting cops).

It's funny, because everything else in my life is going pretty well.

Edited by Kogent5

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Posted (edited)

Not one of my better days.  Struggled with little sleep overnight and persistent low to moderate anxiety during the hours I was awake today.

I can see a few possible causes.  Although the specialist's appointment went well Tuesday and the outpatient surgery is more than a month off, I'm dreading the lengthy recovery period and that there's only so much he'll be able to do for the post-op pain.

I've also been experiencing lightheadedness lately I'm thinking may have something to do with the Trazodone (since it also can be prescribed as a sleep aid).  Since my BP inadvertently has been taken every week lately - speaking of BP - I don't think low BP's a cause.  It was particularly bad after this morning's dose as I tried to get on with my day.  I didn't do my midday dose.

Kept up an engaging front with a friend this morning, but I left as soon as I could, came home and put myself to bed.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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Individually tagging all of you and providing comfort is too much for my brain to handle, so virtual hugs for all of you right now instead. :hugs:

I had a really good day at work, but I came home and just didn't want to talk to anyone,  not even my fiance or my little sister, the people I love most. Kind of socially burned out, I guess. Still feeling it, but I feel like I should be more active here so I'm typing out a post. 

Depressing hecking sucks. It just drains everything out of you. I don't even have anything to be bothered or sad about. Maybe I'm still trying to recover from the meltdown I had the past weekend. I don't know. 

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On 6/11/2019 at 6:57 AM, RiverLight said:

Thanks Sober! I need some encouragement right now, so thank you! Yes, the good news is, I can only go up from here since it's been a flop so far (for the most part). 

You can only do your best, Riv/M.  It may work.  It may not.  If it doesn't, and you have given your best effort, then it's on them, not you!!  Good managers put people in situations to succeed - as you already have in your area.  To expect miracles outside of that is unreasonable.  That doesn't mean you can't do it.  But it means that they tossed you a lob pass over the middle and the blame should be on them if it doesn't work out!  (Sorry for the football metaphor, but a lob pass over the middle is usually an invitation for the receiver to get creamed and possibly injured). This is on them.  Try your best, breathe, be in the moment, and recognize the truth in this situation!  Hugs!!

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Was hoping it would be a good day today, not so much... the Director at work who has been working with me to further my career and actually cared about his people was fired yesterday. None of us saw it coming especially him. This is the 2nd Director I have seen fired in 2 years from the organization that I knew personally. With him gone my chances of moving forward now have gone fairly close to zero.

Does anyone know how to go about finding a new job these days? I am not likely to lose my job for another year or so as we are merging into the organization that keeps firing people, but I don't see them having a lot of use for me. Why is it always just one more thing?

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2 hours ago, PraiseBrownies said:

Individually tagging all of you and providing comfort is too much for my brain to handle, so virtual hugs for all of you right now instead. :hugs:

I had a really good day at work, but I came home and just didn't want to talk to anyone,  not even my fiance or my little sister, the people I love most. Kind of socially burned out, I guess. Still feeling it, but I feel like I should be more active here so I'm typing out a post. 

Depressing hecking sucks. It just drains everything out of you. I don't even have anything to be bothered or sad about. Maybe I'm still trying to recover from the meltdown I had the past weekend. I don't know. 

I know.  I obsess, often, about what it is, why do I feel this way?  That is maddening.  I guess it is "just because" and I have to accept it.  Sucks, but maybe I have to.  I hope you feel better tomorrow PB!

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Wondering

wondering

wondering

Will the heartache never end?  I don't think members of my family are built that way.  My dead brother certainly wasn't, though he thought he was; my younger brother has written a memoir on what he went through with his now-dead life partner, for which I am hoping the . . . expectorant will be healing.  I look at childhood pictures of my eldest sister and in each one of them, she looks completely joyful.  As though she has a secret with an unseen friend.  She was blindsided at puberty with depression, though after years of searching for groups on spirituality, religious organizations, etc., she seemed to calm down, for lack of better words.  She's not happy every minute, but she says she has come to a place of great faith in her relationship with Jesus Christ.  And My sister, Joy, is . . . wise and even-tempered.  I ask her how she deals with sorrow, regret and pain and she says she lets herself feel it, and then resolves to move past it with creative activity.  It would appear I have few coping skills, if any.  I can't seem to use my creativity to do anything -- and I know I have quite a lot. 

I'm sick of myself right now.  Time for bed.

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6 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

You can only do your best, Riv/M.  It may work.  It may not.  If it doesn't, and you have given your best effort, then it's on them, not you!!  Good managers put people in situations to succeed - as you already have in your area.  To expect miracles outside of that is unreasonable.  That doesn't mean you can't do it.  But it means that they tossed you a lob pass over the middle and the blame should be on them if it doesn't work out!  (Sorry for the football metaphor, but a lob pass over the middle is usually an invitation for the receiver to get creamed and possibly injured). This is on them.  Try your best, breathe, be in the moment, and recognize the truth in this situation!  Hugs!!

Thank you, Brian! Yes, you make a very valid point. It IS on them! This is how they operate. 

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I wish I wasn't manic yesterday.  I suppose I took care of a lot of things but of course I made mistakes.  It's like a day of being on speed.  You wake up the next day to a mess you have to clean up.  So you took care of a lot of things the day before but created a lot of new messes that need to be cleaned up so was it really a good day?

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14 hours ago, duck said:

I was having severe headaches for many months. My primary/family doctor told me he cannot find anything wrong.  One day I went to a different doctor and immediately told me my b pressure is high.  He prescribed some meds and I bought them and took one.  Ten minutes later my headache went away.  

i really don't know how some doctors became doctors..

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20 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

i really don't know how some doctors became doctors..

Some of the worst ones like the ones that only seem to refer you to someone else but still have the nerve to charge you are a joke.

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I wish I was normal.  I don't have to work today so if I was normal I could relax until my date tonight but I can't do that.  I've been up since 5 AM doing things that "have to be done" because I have to put my mind at enough ease and free up enough emotional space to be able to do this.  By the time it actually gets here at 7 PM I'll be wanting to take a nap but that's how it is for a nut like me.  Just relaxing and enjoying something is impossible.

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23 hours ago, sober4life said:

I don't think it's anhedonia.  You hate your job and don't care if you do any of the work or not.  There's at least a part of you that wishes your boss would march into your office and say you're fired get out of here so you could finally be free of that hell.

True enough. Some days are good, some days aren't. But I need the job to fund my extravagant lifestyle.

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18 hours ago, sober4life said:

It's strange.  The time when you passed out your blood pressure probably was low but usually a headache is a sign of high blood pressure.  Maybe sometimes it's too high and other times it's too low.  I used to have both issues in my early sobriety.  My blood pressure was all over the place.

I really don’t know it could be 

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