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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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26 minutes ago, Ratvan said:

Ugh that sucks, does your Bank Account come with Gadget Insurance?

Nope, no insurance. I'm going to have to use my birthday money to repair it. It's just a shame I'm so clumsy, my parents don't know yet and I know they won't be happy with me. 

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10 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I talked to the one I have a crush on and we're going out tomorrow.  I'm so happy and excited I could puke all over myself.  I've been dancing and singing everywhere I go ever since I talked to this person.  Oh god I feel so good today!

Yay yay yay yay, so happy for you

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Took my motorcycle with me to my doctors appointment today. While walking in someone commented on it which has been common since I've had the Thruxton. Not sure why but it does attract a lot of attention. Will be using the Thruxton as my main way around for a few weeks. I'm not complaining about that! It's very fun to just get out on back roads and not have to worry about anything.

The appointment is a follow up with my hernia surgeon after dealing with the pain clinic. I'm not sure what I'll be told this time.

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

I talked to the one I have a crush on and we're going out tomorrow.  I'm so happy and excited I could puke all over myself.  I've been dancing and singing everywhere I go ever since I talked to this person.  Oh god I feel so good today!

Yay! That's fantastic!! Have a great time, my friend. You of all people deserve it.

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38 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Thank you I'm so happy but I'm the most emotional person on earth.  I have to keep control of my emotions through this more than anything.

oh me too, I get carried away so easily. Still, I will keep my hopes up for you that this goes well. Just enjoy this feeling whilst it's here. But really, I am so happy for you. These moments are what helps pull as through life. 

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On 6/3/2019 at 10:43 PM, watalife said:

No matter what you do or where you go or what you have , living life is so sad.  Ewww it's awful. 

the reality of this illness stinks........but i used to like life...not so much after all this started

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56 minutes ago, Soarsie18 said:

oh me too, I get carried away so easily. Still, I will keep my hopes up for you that this goes well. Just enjoy this feeling whilst it's here. But really, I am so happy for you. These moments are what helps pull as through life. 

Yes when I'm at absolute rock bottom something seems to come along right at the last moment to pull me back from the brink of disaster like when the memory tree got here.

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@duck sorry I couldn't respond this morning. I looked at clock and realized it was 6:30 and I had to be to work in 15 minutes and it takes 15 minutes to get there.

You probably already saw my earlier respond to JD. My older daughter walked away to and it was also about the time I lost it to depression. This time she had problems with my drama and i need to get over it.

Yeah, it hurts but I have learned that I have to take care of myself first. It's my drama and if anyone does not like it, there's the door and don't let it hit you on the way out.

 

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5 hours ago, Soarsie18 said:

It's just a shame I'm so clumsy, my parents don't know yet and I know they won't be happy with me. 

Don't believe you're clumsy. I've seen the surfing picture. And your parents won't be happy but they will be glad not to have to pick glass out your fingers!!😁:hugs:

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

The best I can say is that my anxiety level is low. Given the volume of work I need to get done, I should be climbing the walls. But I'm quite calm about stuff right now. It's a lot like anhedonia, I think.

I don't think it's anhedonia.  You hate your job and don't care if you do any of the work or not.  There's at least a part of you that wishes your boss would march into your office and say you're fired get out of here so you could finally be free of that hell.

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2 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

Hope everyone is doing alright am okay went to the beach yesterday my headache kinda made me miserable but I love it at the same time am just tired of my head hurting

It worries me that you always have a headache.

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Long update bc I’m feeling a bit proud of myself 🙂

Had my first group therapy session today. As awkward as I felt, the other 2 members were nice (small group) and had interesting things to say. I surprised myself by putting in a fair amount of participation for my first day. We did an exercise about turning “I should”s to “I could”s and reframing. Tomorrow is about mindfulness so I am looking forward to it.

in other news, I’ve decided to begin journaling (in the hopes of getting past some PTSD stuff about having physical evidence of my thoughts) and taking a different approach to it than before. Instead of a diary format (which scares me due to the raw emotion of it), I will start off with copying/elaborating on the group exercises. This was the first time in the past 14 years in which I have an entry I am comfortable with. I won’t rip it up, or burn it, or cringe seeing it bc I believe this will help me. It feels good to process my feelings in a productive way on paper and not have fears about the result.

I can’t wait to share with my fiancé how I’m doing and what I’ve accomplished today. I know seeing his happiness from my progress, whether it’s big or small, makes me feel like it is worth it to work on myself. I think he will be proud of me too and that helps me keep going. 

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13 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm feeling pretty good today.  I'm getting one of the dead trees cut down in my yard today and I'm getting 2 more dead trees cut down next week.  The other 10 dead trees I'm cutting myself.  Yes I'm saying this as someone that has never used a chainsaw but there's a time to learn how to do everything.  I could pay thousands to get the trees cut up or buy a cheap chainsaw and do it myself.  The 3 I'm getting cut down are the most dangerous that I need help with and people are doing it for free because I agreed to help them with other work at their house.  So what could cost thousands of dollars to do will only cost the amount of a chainsaw and gas which is so much better than it could have been.

That's cool Sober.  Please let us know how the tree cutting goes.  

In the winter all my trees go dead then they come back to life in the summer.  My visiting uncle wanted to cut all my trees down one winter.  He is from the tropics where the trees remain green year round.  😁

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

Hope everyone is doing alright am okay went to the beach yesterday my headache kinda made me miserable but I love it at the same time am just tired of my head hurting

I was having severe headaches for many months. My primary/family doctor told me he cannot find anything wrong.  One day I went to a different doctor and immediately told me my b pressure is high.  He prescribed some meds and I bought them and took one.  Ten minutes later my headache went away.  

Edited by duck

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24 minutes ago, duck said:

That's cool Sober.  Please let us know how the tree cutting goes.  

In the winter all my trees go dead then they come back to life in the summer.  My visiting uncle wanted to cut all my trees down one winter.  He is from the tropics where the trees remain green year round.  😁

Wow I never thought of that.  The trees here really are dead.  The bark is falling off so that's a pretty good sign.  It's amazing how much help you can get with your trees when you give away the wood for free.

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