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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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On 5/28/2019 at 3:27 PM, sober4life said:

I don't have anywhere to turn or anyone to talk to and I can't trust anyone.  It's all me sink or swim nobody cares or will ever care.  I hate life more every day.  The next couple of months will determine if this is my best year or my last year.  Those months have to go perfect or I'm done.  I'm not sticking around just to make a fool of myself.

i don't think you are making a fool of yourself. and who cares what others think anyway. you have overcome a lot (being sober for 1.5 year? is it?) and many other things that i can't remember you have written on the forum ..so i understand your frustration, and believe me i feel alone too...my family is around, but they also have their own families/spouses/children, so i can't always count on them. i usually count on myself for the most of the support.

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41 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

i don't think you are making a fool of yourself. and who cares what others think anyway. you have overcome a lot (being sober for 1.5 year? is it?) and many other things that i can't remember you have written on the forum ..so i understand your frustration, and believe me i feel alone too...my family is around, but they also have their own families/spouses/children, so i can't always count on them. i usually count on myself for the most of the support.

I don't care what people think anymore.  It's taken me a long time to get there but it's finally how I feel.  Here I am if you don't like me I don't care.  It's very hard to get there.  I know how hard it is to be alone in this world.  It's way too much for one person so I know how you feel.  If 2 people are working hard to keep a house going it's too much.  I'm in way over my head all the time.  You always have to be at your best even when you're at your worst because on our bad days nobody cares.  We have to do what has to be done anyway.  When mom was still here she would take over on my bad days and I would take over on her bad days.  I need to get out there and find a partner but I never have the energy left to do it.  

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53 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I don't care what people think anymore.  It's taken me a long time to get there but it's finally how I feel.  Here I am if you don't like me I don't care.  It's very hard to get there.  I know how hard it is to be alone in this world.  It's way too much for one person so I know how you feel.  If 2 people are working hard to keep a house going it's too much.  I'm in way over my head all the time.  You always have to be at your best even when you're at your worst because on our bad days nobody cares.  We have to do what has to be done anyway.  When mom was still here she would take over on my bad days and I would take over on her bad days.  I need to get out there and find a partner but I never have the energy left to do it.  

well i'm glad you don't care what they think anymore. there's no point in caring because like you said it , you are on your own on the good and bad days...i hope you find someone who will be there for you

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went to see therapist today, appointment was confirmed yesterday, after waiting a hour and a half, the receptionist calls my name then informs me my therapist is out today,  i just came off of several days of depression and now having recurring anxiety, and finding out i had just wasted nearly 2 hrs pisses me off

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21 minutes ago, bbwolf said:

went to see therapist today, appointment was confirmed yesterday, after waiting a hour and a half, the receptionist calls my name then informs me my therapist is out today,  i just came off of several days of depression and now having recurring anxiety, and finding out i had just wasted nearly 2 hrs pisses me off

Mom used to have a doctor that gave you an appointment but took whoever he felt like when he wanted to.  There were times when we waited in his waiting room for 5 hours.

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I'm clearly sinking into my seasonal affective disorder/depression but with a lot of qualifiers.  It's been so gradual the past two weeks, primary symptom of which is sleeping a lot, it's not particularly bothering me.

Most tasks are getting done.  The larger ones are the ones that are daunting.  I feel when anxiety attacks are coming on, but it's usually just before my next dosing (about which I've been rigorous).  I can still control my most upsetting thoughts by finding something to distract myself.

Basics like eating, personal hygiene, taking out the trash, etc., are getting done.  It's just an odd in-between state.

 

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, bbwolf said:

went to see therapist today, appointment was confirmed yesterday, after waiting a hour and a half, the receptionist calls my name then informs me my therapist is out today,  i just came off of several days of depression and now having recurring anxiety, and finding out i had just wasted nearly 2 hrs pisses me off

Reading about this kind of b.ullshit just makes me despise the mental health "care" industry (and the health "care" racket in general) even more than I already do!

@bbwolf, you need to send this joke of a practice a bill for cancelling on you. I mean these charlatans do it to us, right? And turnabout is fair play.

B.astards.

😡

Edited by LonelyHiker

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10 minutes ago, LonelyHiker said:

Reading about this kind of b.ullshit just makes me despise the mental health "care" industry (and the health "care" racket in general) even more than I already do!

@bbwolf, you need to send this joke of a practice a bill for cancelling on you. I mean these charlatans do it to us, right? And turnabout is fair play.

B.astards.

😡

I've said it before mom was a wonderful nurse.  She was very loving and caring to all of her patients and she was constantly disciplined for spending too much time with them and caring about them.  She would get yelled at for being exactly what they claim to be.  It is a racket.  Basically they make a living out of keeping us sick while appearing to help.  Helping is a cure not creating a situation where you have to come back forever.

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9 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Better than yesterday. I didn't get much sleep last night but I have adequate energy today.

I gave myself a stern talking to last night about dwelling on the past. I hope I listened.

I needed that talk today, bud.  The past was all over me.

Still, it's done, gone, and is no longer real - unless we let it be real and consume us!!

Take care of yourself!!

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I am feeling angry.  I am being treated like crap by medical practitioners because I was physically and verbally abused my whole life. No one is being held accountable.  I am forced to go for evaluations by my Long Term Disability provider.  

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11 hours ago, bbwolf said:

went to see therapist today, appointment was confirmed yesterday, after waiting a hour and a half, the receptionist calls my name then informs me my therapist is out today,  i just came off of several days of depression and now having recurring anxiety, and finding out i had just wasted nearly 2 hrs pisses me off

We are treated like crap by medical practitioners.  I can write a book about them.

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