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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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I am feeling exasperated by people.

The one woman from that forum who insulted my blog? She wanted me to function as an inspiration for her.... she read my blog and assumed that I could be some sort of life coach for her. I'm not in a place to take that on right now. I have too much to focus on in my own life. So when I told her I couldn't be her life coach, she then told me that in my blog I come across as a pseudo life coach and insinuated that my blog content is very generic. Well, my blog happened to be awarded as one of the top 75 happiness blogs, and I certainly do not claim to be any kind of life coach. I was very insulted by her comments. I put my heart and soul into each of my articles. 

She had even told me before this that she was envious of my accomplishments and career path. 

WHY do miserable people want to take down happy people?? I know she's really unhappy. I just don't get it. I run into this ALL the time. Unhappy people want to tear down happier people. Unsuccessful people want to tear down those they envy who ARE successful. 

My current boss tried to do that to me as well. He wanted to take credit for my hard work with a client. I wouldn't let him. 

I also see on that other forum SO many stories of toxic work environments where injustice prevails. Where inept bosses promote those who are slackers and overlook those who are hard workers. Where others who slack get away with it, and those who work hard, have to pick up their slack. It sickens me. I hear SO many stories of abusive bosses. I personally have had many of them. 

But with my current boss, I made it clear I will not allow him to take credit for my work. I stood up for myself. 

It's a dog-eat-dog world..... unfortunately, it's one where we constantly need to protect ourselves from harm's way, including harmful & toxic people who exist everywhere you go: work, interpersonal relationships, family, and the Internet. There's no shortage of toxic people. 

The older I get the more I realize that I want to insulate myself. I suppose that's what growing up means: seeing the world as it truly is. 

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The fence was further damaged yesterday. It's one thing to bang on the door, but our fence is gonna be wrecked by the end of the month at this rate. I had to tell my dad because the cops showed up in the morning when I wasn't there (because of my police report about the fence, even though I specifically said I felt unsafe having cops show up at the house...) and dad had no idea what they were asking about. I feel so bad, he was really upset...I was trying to protect him and made things worse by keeping him in the dark.

I also told my brother (the nice one). Me, him, and dad had a long conversation about what to do. Researching local security camera companies.

Most of my panic symptoms have decreased just from talking with them. I didn't realize how much of a burden it is to carry all these negative feelings alone and how much telling someone would help. I probably need to do it more often. Is the problem solved? Not at all. But it is nice not feeling alone for the first time in a long time.

Reading about neighbor harrassment/vandalism online is very disheartening. A lot of people deal with it for years and just end up moving because the cops can't/don't do anything. I didn't put out the garbage today, lest something happen to the bin.

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One of those could-go-either-way days.  Rough start with some anxiety before I took my meds.  I now do that immediately when I wake up, so any attack is suppressed within an hour or so.

Highlight of the day is that I got a haircut this morning.  It always makes me feel better.

I do have a medical grievance issue on my plate that I put in process with a meeting on Friday.  Not inclined to tackle it at the moment.  My intuition tells me, however, it may not be a big deal for me to complete it.  I feel like I may actually be able to accomplish this task.

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Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, Kogent5 said:

But it is nice not feeling alone for the first time in a long time.

Reading about neighbor harrassment/vandalism online is very disheartening.

How's your relationship with your neighbors?  Yeah, I do the online neighborhood thing and feel exactly the same way...but have also posted when I have a concern.  Short of that, I do have a couple neighbors with whom I have good, if not particularly close, relationships.

We had a situation about a week ago when a new owner had a particularly obnoxious crowd of guests raising hell in his front yard...cars everywhere, arguments, yelling, etc.  My neighbor called the cops - four cars showed up - and a few neighbors, too, came out, if only to make their appearance in support of him.  A neighbor and I related to one cop that we figured a brawl was about to erupt.  That mini civil disturbance hasn't been repeated.  New neighbor's on notice that, no, we're not gonna tolerate that sh#t.

Glad you've got some allies.  Makes a huge difference.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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Posted (edited)

Feeling bit down today. Uncared for. Pretty sure it's the result of narc mom playing games with me yesterday.  She said she was coming around and so I'm expecting her to be at the house for a couple of hours. I don't get much company these days so even though it's narc company, I was still expecting some company. I guess I had emotionally invested in it a bit because when she breezed in and said she couldn't stop, it wasn't the greatest feeling.  I had run around cleaning for an hour beforehand aswell because otherwise she would have picked things apart. The bathroom looked like a spa.

Serves me right for expecting something from a narc really doesn't it.

She meant to do it, I'm pretty sure of that.

Twisted.

My bad days always follow my days when I see her. 

 

Edited by Nightjar

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13 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

How's your relationship with your neighbors?  Yeah, I do the online neighborhood thing and feel exactly the same way...but have also posted when I have a concern.  Short of that, I do have a couple neighbors with whom I have good, if not particularly close, relationships.

We had a situation about a week ago when a new owner had a particularly obnoxious crowd of guests raising hell in his front yard...cars everywhere, arguments, yelling, etc.  My neighbor called the cops - four cars showed up - and a few neighbors, too, came out, if only to make their appearance in support of him.  A neighbor and I related to one cop that we figured a brawl was about to erupt.  That mini civil disturbance hasn't been repeated.  New neighbor's on notice that, no, we're not gonna tolerate that sh#t.

Glad you've got some allies.  Makes a huge difference.

We only have neighbors on one side. It's cordial but I don't know them well. The way our houses are designed, they would have to be outside in their driveway to see the part of our fence that is damaged. This neighborhood is very much "mind your own business". The other side is a public path and then next to that is the parking lot for a condo building. Across the street in front is a back alley. Behind us is a main road but it is separated from us by the community border fence. So it's weirdly isolated but there's a lot of foot traffic and children that congregate here/in the parking lot.

I feel like someone at the condo building may have seen something but I don't know how I'd even go about asking there as you need a keycard to enter.

 

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On 5/25/2019 at 9:36 PM, sober4life said:

Honestly I was doing very well with my anxiety.  I had made a ton of progress but then mom got sick and ended up in the hospital and passed away.  It's been 16 months of the most stressful days I could ever imagine with no peace in sight.  Losing mom and everything we had to go through while she was in the hospital and everything that is still going on has destroyed me.  I'm probably permanently ruined from all of this.

I'm sorry. I can only imagine. My family is really the only support I have , if anything happens to them (which I know someday it will , we don't all live forever) i really don't know what i will do to survive, or where to turn so. So i have to give you a lot of respect for trying, and you are holding yourself together, and trying ...so keep at it!! I am sure you will come out of this stronger..

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Posted (edited)

I had a few good days but I crashed and burned this morning. Came face-to-face with my incompetence at work once again.

Actually, incompetence branches out into all aspects of my life.

Oh! And I found out a friend of mine will soon be "institutionalized".

Edited by JD4010

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2 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

I'm sorry. I can only imagine. My family is really the only support I have , if anything happens to them (which I know someday it will , we don't all live forever) i really don't know what i will do to survive, or where to turn so. So i have to give you a lot of respect for trying, and you are holding yourself together, and trying ...so keep at it!! I am sure you will come out of this stronger..

I don't have anywhere to turn or anyone to talk to and I can't trust anyone.  It's all me sink or swim nobody cares or will ever care.  I hate life more every day.  The next couple of months will determine if this is my best year or my last year.  Those months have to go perfect or I'm done.  I'm not sticking around just to make a fool of myself.

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4 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I had a few good days but I crashed and burned this morning. Came face-to-face with my incompetence at work once again.

Actually, incompetence branches out into all aspects of my life.

Oh! And I found out a friend of mine will soon be "institutionalized".

I share all too many of those crash and burn days, wondering how much more incompetent I can be to be sectioned.... a friend of mine was hospitalisedfor around 6 weeks, she came out reprogrammed but I wonder if it will last. I see my psych doc tomorrow at the hospital, and wonder what I might ask. I dont think it is all bad but it is sure a terrifying prospect.

relax, recover and carry on!

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38 minutes ago, Extremebeginner said:

I share all too many of those crash and burn days, wondering how much more incompetent I can be to be sectioned.... a friend of mine was hospitalisedfor around 6 weeks, she came out reprogrammed but I wonder if it will last. I see my psych doc tomorrow at the hospital, and wonder what I might ask. I dont think it is all bad but it is sure a terrifying prospect.

relax, recover and carry on!

I'm not sure how much of my life I've been institutionalized.  Probably if I added all of the time I've served up it would be a few years and it sure didn't work for me.

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36 minutes ago, John_in_SF said:

Fighting a surge of depression this afternoon. My client is late paying an invoice and I am flat broke. I mean NADA. The worst thing is that I am out of milk and have to drink my coffee black tomorrow! Yecch!

I'm flat broke also. And I'm out of smokes. 

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On 5/27/2019 at 12:59 PM, sober4life said:

In the last 20 years I've been on probably 100 forums and this is the only one I've stuck with.  Most forums have nasty people from time to time that want to fight and ruin everything for everyone there.  This place is almost always peaceful.  Life is short run from people that screw you up.  I have a tendency to stay places too long.  I have a hard time breaking habits.  I have to get better at getting toxic people out of my life too.  If it's a place you have to keep taking breaks from maybe you shouldn't go back.

The reality is, you are going to run into unconscious people everywhere, in real life and on Forums.  I am thankful that we have great people on here policing the content and adjudicating disputes so that we are not hurtful to one another!  And I say that as one who got a warning a few years back.  It's all good.  Hold me accountable too.  We are here for love and support.

Best, all!!!

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21 hours ago, RiverLight said:

I am feeling exasperated by people.

The one woman from that forum who insulted my blog? She wanted me to function as an inspiration for her.... she read my blog and assumed that I could be some sort of life coach for her. I'm not in a place to take that on right now. I have too much to focus on in my own life. So when I told her I couldn't be her life coach, she then told me that in my blog I come across as a pseudo life coach and insinuated that my blog content is very generic. Well, my blog happened to be awarded as one of the top 75 happiness blogs, and I certainly do not claim to be any kind of life coach. I was very insulted by her comments. I put my heart and soul into each of my articles. 

She had even told me before this that she was envious of my accomplishments and career path. 

WHY do miserable people want to take down happy people?? I know she's really unhappy. I just don't get it. I run into this ALL the time. Unhappy people want to tear down happier people. Unsuccessful people want to tear down those they envy who ARE successful. 

My current boss tried to do that to me as well. He wanted to take credit for my hard work with a client. I wouldn't let him. 

I also see on that other forum SO many stories of toxic work environments where injustice prevails. Where inept bosses promote those who are slackers and overlook those who are hard workers. Where others who slack get away with it, and those who work hard, have to pick up their slack. It sickens me. I hear SO many stories of abusive bosses. I personally have had many of them. 

But with my current boss, I made it clear I will not allow him to take credit for my work. I stood up for myself. 

It's a dog-eat-dog world..... unfortunately, it's one where we constantly need to protect ourselves from harm's way, including harmful & toxic people who exist everywhere you go: work, interpersonal relationships, family, and the Internet. There's no shortage of toxic people. 

The older I get the more I realize that I want to insulate myself. I suppose that's what growing up means: seeing the world as it truly is. 

Excellent post.  HIGH FIVE!!!  I am glad to see you posting. 

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