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How Do You Feel Right Now #10


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One woman was talking down to me SO much as though I literally am a child who needs to be taught how the world works. I finally clued into how she sounded and cane across: condescending and demeaning. She’s only doing that to feel better about herself. I know this. But it’s still irksome. 

Edited by RiverLight
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I've sure been enjoying the holiday today.  I've been eating like I'm trying to win a contest.  I'll never learn will I?  My mind wanted me to say that last part and feel bad about what I'm doing so eat more and more.  I'm not going to feel bad.  Holidays are meant to be enjoyed.  All those restaurants out there that have these huge sandwiches and steaks that say eat this whole thing and it's free and nobody has ever done it.  I'm the one that can do it.

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16 minutes ago, CoffeeAddict103 said:

I am going to get myself sectioned tomorrow. I am too far gone now. I'm only preoccupied with ending it. I feel nothing but rage resentment. There is never ever any relief day and night can't sleep never at peace. I'm completely screwed. 

Sorry to hear this @CoffeeAddict103...I'm glad to you are  getting help though. I understand and empathize 100%

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31 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I've sure been enjoying the holiday today.  I've been eating like I'm trying to win a contest.  I'll never learn will I?  My mind wanted me to say that last part and feel bad about what I'm doing so eat more and more.  I'm not going to feel bad.  Holidays are meant to be enjoyed.  All those restaurants out there that have these huge sandwiches and steaks that say eat this whole thing and it's free and nobody has ever done it.  I'm the one that can do it.

That make me feel better.  I've been on a Haagen Dazs binge this weekend.  Friendly checkout lady asked if I wanted pickles with that.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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Angry enraged ready to explode but I won't that's what the toxic people in my life want me to do.  They want to dig in with their words and they want me to lose it and blow all of my progress to hell.  I won't my family have flipped the switch on me for the last time.  This time the anger will lead to exactness and precision.  It will turn on the Rocky and the Bruce Lee in me.  Every second that is left will be me going all in from this moment forward!

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Today has been my worst day in years. Things just kept piling up today, one on top of the other, things I wasn't even thinking about. I was volunteering today and made a lot of mistakes. I have been trembling, hyperventilating, and having heart palpitations all weekend, but today was really bad. My leg even went numb for a bit. My therapist appointment is tomorrow and I feel an absolute wreck.

I feel like how Shelly Duvall looks in The Shining...

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1 hour ago, Extremebeginner said:

Actually frightened by my diet of anxiety and depression, my weight is falling as are my jeans, 36 inch waste at Christmas is now under 32” and my doctor doesnt seem as concerned as I am.... 

When doctors see that their patients are losing that much weight they probably think you are doing well.  Under 32 is too low.  That's getting rail thin.

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17 minutes ago, Devlinkyla said:

but eather then that I feel great besides my head still hurting 

Just curious do you know why you get headaches? You seem to have them a lot.

Still feeling sad from the 4 month anniversary, hope that time helps.

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5 minutes ago, Tears_Always said:

Just curious do you know why you get headaches? You seem to have them a lot.

Still feeling sad from the 4 month anniversary, hope that time helps.

I think it’s from stress but yet agin just could be one of those things that I deal with for awhile same times 

I hope you feel better 

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1 hour ago, Devlinkyla said:

i feel paranoid I feel like am being watched and like every one hates me like I said in a post but eather then that I feel great besides my head still hurting 

Please have your blood pressure checked by two different doctors if you are constantly having headaches.

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8 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

The good news is that i can eat what i like, the bad news is that I just dont want to eat

That's me for the most part.  A lot of the time I don't even eat until supper.  I'm becoming too much like the guy I work for.  He's skinny like me but every time I see him he eats like a horse.  That's because he's like me.  He goes long stretches without eating anything and usually eats because the people drive him nuts and like me he binges and eats half the house when he does eat.

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I am feeling exasperated by people.

The one woman from that forum who insulted my blog? She wanted me to function as an inspiration for her.... she read my blog and assumed that I could be some sort of life coach for her. I'm not in a place to take that on right now. I have too much to focus on in my own life. So when I told her I couldn't be her life coach, she then told me that in my blog I come across as a pseudo life coach and insinuated that my blog content is very generic. Well, my blog happened to be awarded as one of the top 75 happiness blogs, and I certainly do not claim to be any kind of life coach. I was very insulted by her comments. I put my heart and soul into each of my articles. 

She had even told me before this that she was envious of my accomplishments and career path. 

WHY do miserable people want to take down happy people?? I know she's really unhappy. I just don't get it. I run into this ALL the time. Unhappy people want to tear down happier people. Unsuccessful people want to tear down those they envy who ARE successful. 

My current boss tried to do that to me as well. He wanted to take credit for my hard work with a client. I wouldn't let him. 

I also see on that other forum SO many stories of toxic work environments where injustice prevails. Where inept bosses promote those who are slackers and overlook those who are hard workers. Where others who slack get away with it, and those who work hard, have to pick up their slack. It sickens me. I hear SO many stories of abusive bosses. I personally have had many of them. 

But with my current boss, I made it clear I will not allow him to take credit for my work. I stood up for myself. 

It's a dog-eat-dog world..... unfortunately, it's one where we constantly need to protect ourselves from harm's way, including harmful & toxic people who exist everywhere you go: work, interpersonal relationships, family, and the Internet. There's no shortage of toxic people. 

The older I get the more I realize that I want to insulate myself. I suppose that's what growing up means: seeing the world as it truly is. 

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Tired and unsure.  Not sure what skill-set to start developing for a career switch.  I am tired of my field and a bit unsure as I have been off for a month.  I keep studying for work as it is the smart thing and I am studying what my boss told me to. 

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The fence was further damaged yesterday. It's one thing to bang on the door, but our fence is gonna be wrecked by the end of the month at this rate. I had to tell my dad because the cops showed up in the morning when I wasn't there (because of my police report about the fence, even though I specifically said I felt unsafe having cops show up at the house...) and dad had no idea what they were asking about. I feel so bad, he was really upset...I was trying to protect him and made things worse by keeping him in the dark.

I also told my brother (the nice one). Me, him, and dad had a long conversation about what to do. Researching local security camera companies.

Most of my panic symptoms have decreased just from talking with them. I didn't realize how much of a burden it is to carry all these negative feelings alone and how much telling someone would help. I probably need to do it more often. Is the problem solved? Not at all. But it is nice not feeling alone for the first time in a long time.

Reading about neighbor harrassment/vandalism online is very disheartening. A lot of people deal with it for years and just end up moving because the cops can't/don't do anything. I didn't put out the garbage today, lest something happen to the bin.

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One of those could-go-either-way days.  Rough start with some anxiety before I took my meds.  I now do that immediately when I wake up, so any attack is suppressed within an hour or so.

Highlight of the day is that I got a haircut this morning.  It always makes me feel better.

I do have a medical grievance issue on my plate that I put in process with a meeting on Friday.  Not inclined to tackle it at the moment.  My intuition tells me, however, it may not be a big deal for me to complete it.  I feel like I may actually be able to accomplish this task.

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22 minutes ago, Kogent5 said:

But it is nice not feeling alone for the first time in a long time.

Reading about neighbor harrassment/vandalism online is very disheartening.

How's your relationship with your neighbors?  Yeah, I do the online neighborhood thing and feel exactly the same way...but have also posted when I have a concern.  Short of that, I do have a couple neighbors with whom I have good, if not particularly close, relationships.

We had a situation about a week ago when a new owner had a particularly obnoxious crowd of guests raising hell in his front yard...cars everywhere, arguments, yelling, etc.  My neighbor called the cops - four cars showed up - and a few neighbors, too, came out, if only to make their appearance in support of him.  A neighbor and I related to one cop that we figured a brawl was about to erupt.  That mini civil disturbance hasn't been repeated.  New neighbor's on notice that, no, we're not gonna tolerate that sh#t.

Glad you've got some allies.  Makes a huge difference.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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Feeling bit down today. Uncared for. Pretty sure it's the result of narc mom playing games with me yesterday.  She said she was coming around and so I'm expecting her to be at the house for a couple of hours. I don't get much company these days so even though it's narc company, I was still expecting some company. I guess I had emotionally invested in it a bit because when she breezed in and said she couldn't stop, it wasn't the greatest feeling.  I had run around cleaning for an hour beforehand aswell because otherwise she would have picked things apart. The bathroom looked like a spa.

Serves me right for expecting something from a narc really doesn't it.

She meant to do it, I'm pretty sure of that.

Twisted.

My bad days always follow my days when I see her. 

 

Edited by Nightjar
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