Jump to content

How Do You Feel Right Now #10


Recommended Posts

Keeping this life going is too much for one person but I have no choice.  I have to say I'm able to do it all and have a fake garbage smile on my face the whole time.  Any moment where people think I'm slipping and they will pounce on me and it will be over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Keeping this life going is too much for one person but I have no choice.  I have to say I'm able to do it all and have a fake garbage smile on my face the whole time.  Any moment where people think I'm slipping and they will pounce on me and it will be over.

I can understand that. I do the same thing, just keep faking it, I have no choice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

I can understand that. I do the same thing, just keep faking it, I have no choice.

I have a family that doesn't really care that's always around.  They're just waiting for their next chance to put me away somewhere at this point.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, BeyondWeary said:

If people trigger you, I don't think it helps with depression and anxiety unless they are very accepting and trustworthy which is hard to find. Being around people is suppose to be good for you because you can get out of your head and be distracted as well as so others can encourage you. Yet I think with depression/anxiety, we can't always do that. That is why this forum is so helpful. Just think, other "normal" people don't get to have this place where we can be real. I have a good therapist that has become a good friend and she is the only one I share everything with and feel safe. Hope you can find someone like that too.

My friends aren't the issue, it's me. They are supportive despite me disappearing for months at a time. I am the bad friend. I always feel like garbage because I always compare myself to them and don't know how to stop.

I have a new therapist but don't have the same connection as my old therapist. After my old one, I am wary of trusting therapists now (which is probably not the best foundation for a therapeutic relationship...).

Sorry, I'm rambling. I made a new friend in volunteering recently, but I haven't felt comfortable being vulnerable with any friends since high school.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Feel I am losing the battle.  No one seems to understand.  My current therapist is clueless.  My main support comes from these forums and a friend in California going through the same thing.  Depression does not register with my other friends let alone family.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I have a family that doesn't really care that's always around.  They're just waiting for their next chance to put me away somewhere at this point.

I am sorry for your situation, but I can relate.  By the way congrats on your 1.5 year mark in sobriety.  I only have my sister left and her brood and they pretty much told me to take a hike after my dad died in 2011 and the probate was settled.  She fought tooth and nail during probate where I had to hire an attorney.  I deferred all conversation with my sister to her because she upset me so.  She told my attorney that after probate she nor her family wanted anything to do with me.  I've held her to that ever since.  This was my experience but does not have to be yours.  You have a family you can communicate with at least.  However I am concerned for you.  Please let us know how everything is going and how we can support you.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

Today I feel pretty good but I am stressed though my head hurts this stinks but not to bad

Same, I'm feeling a little better than yesterday. I was thinking of getting back into exercising more often. It doesn't make my problems go away but it helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I came home and part of the top of our fence was smashed in. No way it was unintentional. I guess those kids didn't like me threatening to go to the police. I feel like crying but my body doesn't want to. Imma rest a bit and then go to the police station.

I was so looking forward to next week and this week has been a nightmare 😢

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/22/2019 at 8:26 AM, Lostonesweeping said:

@Extremebeginner Thank you for the advice. I usually end up dropping my calories too fast once I start dieting then make myself miserable for a couple of weeks then back to my usual eating habits. I'm looking for diets that are filling but also healthy. Dieting and health has always been such a big way to get money from consumers though so there is just too much pseudo science and junk information on the Internet. 

I am the same.

I hear a lot of people saying protein shakes fill you up and keep you from eating carbs and sugar?  The pessimist in me doubts this. 

If anyone has any ideas on this, I, and maybe lostonesweeping would be interested in hearing your experiences.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

My friends aren't the issue, it's me. They are supportive despite me disappearing for months at a time. I am the bad friend. I always feel like garbage because I always compare myself to them and don't know how to stop.

I have a new therapist but don't have the same connection as my old therapist. After my old one, I am wary of trusting therapists now (which is probably not the best foundation for a therapeutic relationship...).

Sorry, I'm rambling. I made a new friend in volunteering recently, but I haven't felt comfortable being vulnerable with any friends since high school.

You are actually not the "bad friend."  You are simply not up to meeting them all the time.  We do tend to isolate.  That is part of our disease.  If you like them, and see them now and then, then you are a good friend!  We depressives can't be expected to be the lightning rod of our friend's social life, or some kind of social butterfly, any more than someone living in an iron lung could be expected to paint the town red and hit the dance floor all night long like no one's watching. 

Give yourself a break. 

You are there for them every now and then.  That's all you can give.  Take it from someone going through the very same thing!  My friends wonder why I am not able to attend every outing, and spend what they spend (they have means, I have none).  They feel I'm dissing them.  Well, I'm depressed and anxious and scrambling and desperate and poor.  If they can't handle that, well, that's on them, not me.

Hugs Kogent!!!!!  Give yourself a break - and a big one!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

You are actually not the "bad friend."  You are simply not up to meeting them all the time.  We do tend to isolate.  That is part of our disease.  If you like them, and see them now and then, then you are a good friend!  We depressives can't be expected to be the lightning rod of our friend's social life, or some kind of social butterfly, any more than someone living in an iron lung could be expected to paint the town red and hit the dance floor all night long like no one's watching. 

Give yourself a break. 

You are there for them every now and then.  That's all you can give.  Take it from someone going through the very same thing!  My friends wonder why I am not able to attend every outing, and spend what they spend (they have means, I have none).  They feel I'm dissing them.  Well, I'm depressed and anxious and scrambling and desperate and poor.  If they can't handle that, well, that's on them, not me.

Hugs Kogent!!!!!  Give yourself a break - and a big one!!!

Thank you. I really needed to hear this. If I could be as gently reassuring as the way you write, maybe I would actually be happy.

I'm sorry your friends are not so understanding about your feelings and finances. I always prefer hanging out at someone's house over eating out at a trendy restaurant, but doesn't seem like my friends feel the same. Maybe need to pick up other depressed introverts as friends 😀

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

Sorry, I'm rambling. I made a new friend in volunteering recently, but I haven't felt comfortable being vulnerable with any friends since high school.

Rambling's good.  I'm an expert. 😉 I concur with @salparadise6132, too.

From this side of the screen, it sounds like you're also facing some challenges on your personal space, figuratively and literally.  Not only do you have a new T to break in, your physical space was violated.  Make no mistake, imo, those ARE big deals, particularly for people like us.

idk if this is useful, but my friends come in all flavors, plus they can come and go.  I've become a li'l more picky in my old age, too.  My energy is limited.  If someone's sucking the energy outta me, I don't really care if it's Kylie Minogue.  I'm outta there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

I am the same.

I hear a lot of people saying protein shakes fill you up and keep you from eating carbs and sugar?  The pessimist in me doubts this. 

If anyone has any ideas on this, I, and maybe lostonesweeping would be interested in hearing your experiences.

They fill you up for a couple of hours that's about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, highanxiety said:

I am sorry for your situation, but I can relate.  By the way congrats on your 1.5 year mark in sobriety.  I only have my sister left and her brood and they pretty much told me to take a hike after my dad died in 2011 and the probate was settled.  She fought tooth and nail during probate where I had to hire an attorney.  I deferred all conversation with my sister to her because she upset me so.  She told my attorney that after probate she nor her family wanted anything to do with me.  I've held her to that ever since.  This was my experience but does not have to be yours.  You have a family you can communicate with at least.  However I am concerned for you.  Please let us know how everything is going and how we can support you.  

Thank you.  There's nothing anyone can do to help me anymore to be honest.  I jump into a river full of snakes and crocodiles everyday and have to survive it and most of the time I wonder why I even care if I survive it.  I have nobody I can trust in real life and I never will have anyone I can trust in real life.  Everyone that will ever come into my life until the end of my life will try to ruin my life any way they can.  There will never be a good person that comes in my life.  I will never have love in my life and I will eventually take myself out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

Rambling's good.  I'm an expert. 😉 I concur with @salparadise6132, too.

From this side of the screen, it sounds like you're also facing some challenges on your personal space, figuratively and literally.  Not only do you have a new T to break in, your physical space was violated.  Make no mistake, imo, those ARE big deals, particularly for people like us.

idk if this is useful, but my friends come in all flavors, plus they can come and go.  I've become a li'l more picky in my old age, too.  My energy is limited.  If someone's sucking the energy outta me, I don't really care if it's Kylie Minogue.  I'm outta there.

Violated is a good word for it. Cowardly me actually stuck up for myself and now I regret it because it probably made things worse. The thing I'm looking forward to next week is now my therapist appointment...

I guess I feel I can't be picky about friends because (a) I have so few friends (b) It is hard making friends. My volunteer friend is the first I've made in over 7 years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A lot better! It's amazing how time heals most things 💜 

I'm also being creative again, for the past month or so! That is something I've stopped doing for years, when my troubles started! Something I thought I'd never do again 😊 I spent most of my time being creative when I was a kid! It's always amazing to go back to your old passions 💜 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

34 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

A lot better! It's amazing how time heals most things 💜 

I'm also being creative again, for the past month or so! That is something I've stopped doing for years, when my troubles started! Something I thought I'd never do again 😊 I spent most of my time being creative when I was a kid! It's always amazing to go back to your old passions 💜 

This is wonderful news!! I'm so happy for you.

Your experience gives us hope. Thanks for dropping by and letting us know.

I feel better myself after reading your message!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Tilted said:

Here we go, another brutal holiday weekend.

Kinda what I was thinking. In the past, this was a weekend where I would drink myself stoopid. I don't think I will have any problem staying away from booze this year though. Last year was the first time I faced the holiday weekend sober. I had stopped drinking the month before.

I may hang out with my cats and binge watch some more Star Trek: TNG. Not very exciting but I won't have to deal with people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...