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How Do You Feel Right Now #10


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1 hour ago, Extremebeginner said:

i'm sure you think you made a fool of yourself, self criticism is hard to avoid, however is it possible that is your perception?. I do that all the time when facing challenges, I look back and say I could have handled that differently. the point here is that you have done it, its over. Get your slippers and PJ's on, get into bed, and play some meditation music and look at the positive side of what you did today. I'm proud of you, super warm hugs awarded for your superb effort. That's the sign of somebody who is trying every possible trick to move forward

I am being too hard on myself.  I always am too hard on myself.  The truth is however things went it must have been well enough to make it back here to the house and rest.  Being real with myself I am not going to feel well until mid February.  I always feel awful until then.  Every day is going to have to be do what I have to and only what I have to to make it through the day.  I have to leave this place though.  I can't function whatsoever here in the winter.  I need to move somewhere where it is warm all year to be able to have a good life.

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1 minute ago, sober4life said:

I am being too hard on myself.  I always am too hard on myself.  The truth is however things went it must have been well enough to make it back here to the house and rest.  Being real with myself I am not going to feel well until mid February.  I always feel awful until then.  Every day is going to have to be do what I have to and only what I have to to make it through the day.  I have to leave this place though.  I can't function whatsoever here in the winter.  I need to move somewhere where it is warm all year to be able to have a good life.

I am glad you are getting some rest. 

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On 1/5/2019 at 2:27 AM, Kogent5 said:

I met up with my friend today and was mortified that she got me a bunch of stuff as a Christmas gift. All I got her was a small crappy chocolate thing, like $10. I wasn't even going to get her anything because we never give Christmas gifts anymore anyways. I feel like a tool. I will have to get her something very nice for her birthday, but that's many months away.

I would consider a chocolate bar ($10? That's a BIG bar!) and having a friend who thought of me on Christmas as great meaningful gifts.  #MyHumbleOpinion

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How do I feel right now?  Well, got sick around middle of Nov '18, misdiagnosed and had a job interview that I didn't want but needed--thought they'd never hire me (5 background chks and 25 pages to sign...geez), and feared if they did hire me I'm going in with symptoms of bronchitis and a sinus infection.  I got hired.  Nice money but it's a job I hate doing.  I'm still sick and going into work is ripping my soul out.  But whatever, I'm so sick and super grumpy.  Not apologizing anymore for speaking my mind and feeling how I feel ( I use to do that w/fam)..

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5 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

How do I feel right now?  Well, got sick around middle of Nov '18, misdiagnosed and had a job interview that I didn't want but needed--thought they'd never hire me (5 background chks and 25 pages to sign...geez), and feared if they did hire me I'm going in with symptoms of bronchitis and a sinus infection.  I got hired.  Nice money but it's a job I hate doing.  I'm still sick and going into work is ripping my soul out.  But whatever, I'm so sick and super grumpy.  Not apologizing anymore for speaking my mind and feeling how I feel ( I use to do that w/fam)..

I'm so sorry my friend, I hope you soon get over sick spell 

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On 1/11/2019 at 8:43 PM, sober4life said:

I just found out they found my cousin dead at 35.  We were very close.  This is going to be very devastating to me.

Oh d@mn. I'm so sorry about your cousin. Sorry it took me this long to reply. 😞

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1 minute ago, JD4010 said:

Oh d@mn. I'm so sorry about your cousin. Sorry it took me this long to reply. 😞

Thank you.  His story was a very sad story.  He spent the last 2 years of his life lost in drugs living on the streets.  Nobody was able to help him.  Everyone tried but they weren't able to.😢

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My mind has flatlined today. I'm coming down with some kind of virus and I feel completely fogged in. I'm supposed to be responding to over 100 work emails right now but I can't concentrate. I did laundry this morning and then conked out for 3 hours.

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Just now, sober4life said:

Thank you.  His story was a very sad story.  He spent the last 2 years of his life lost in drugs living on the streets.  Nobody was able to help him.  Everyone tried but they weren't able to.😢

There, but by the grace of God, go I.

Of course, God and I rarely see eye to eye.

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1 hour ago, Rattler6 said:

I am glad you are getting some rest. 

Thank you I do need rest.  My mind and body has been through too much.  The only way left is to do the bare minimum for the next month and hope I have enough left physically and mentally.  I'm really running on fumes right now.

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10 hours ago, RiverLight said:

Awwwwww. I no longer work from home so I cannot be here that much anymore. My new job (six months ago) changed everything. I can't even go on Facebook during the work day. LOL. My work computer faces the whole community and they can see everything I do... grrrrrr..... I miss working from home! 

Sounds like my last job.  GGRRRRR.  We could not even check the news or sports scores. 

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

My mind has flatlined today. I'm coming down with some kind of virus and I feel completely fogged in. I'm supposed to be responding to over 100 work emails right now but I can't concentrate. I did laundry this morning and then conked out for 3 hours.

Oh no.  I hope you do not get ill.  That sucks.

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I'm cold.

 

Also, this is one of those days that thoughts are just careening through my head.  Been kind of wanting to visit the family summer cottage in MI, which I haven't been to since 1988. I am a ton older now, and my health is nowhere near what it was back then. Because of that, I'm not even sure how I'd want to occupy myself. But for whatever reason, I want to teleport back to that 1988 feeling. I know it won't happen, and I want to be totally fine with that. The rest of my family hasn't stopped going. Just me for reasons I don't even know. 

Like I said, my health hasn't been too good, so I need to actually prove that I can do this via another short trip, and the window for it is kind of short, so that's stressing me out. 

Probably some other stuff, but I'm having trouble accessing that now. This weekend's been a bit of a failure by certain metrics (i.e. deciding what to go out and do), but I feel certain that I can go out and do a movie tomorrow afternoon. 

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It's one of those days where after I go through something very stressful I don't really remember much of the rest of the day.  I'm not sure what happens.  It's like I get zoned out.  I feel like my mind can't take one more thing so it shuts down to protect what little is left.  I suppose I should worry but I just don't care anymore.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

It's one of those days where after I go through something very stressful I don't really remember much of the rest of the day. 

Happens to me a lot, particularly in the run-up to see the T weekly.  For the sake of our sessions, I try to remember, usually by going back to look at my DF posts, of all things.  Like you, I see it as my own defense mechanism...like it's put in a buffer until I can deal.

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