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How Do You Feel Right Now #10


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13 hours ago, BeyondWeary said:

Doing okay. Busy day at work yet tomorrow is my birthday and I have the day off. I'm going to do some shopping and enjoy the day.

Happy birthday!  I hope you have a wonderful day!  I think we should all go on shopping sprees today.  I can't afford it but I can afford it today thanks to credit cards and that's all that matters.

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On 5/1/2019 at 4:42 PM, sober4life said:

They did the same thing with me.  They were keeping me sick and making me worse.  They just wanted a patient forever.  They never had any intentions in helping me in any way.

Awww 😞 So sorry to hear they were doing that to you too. Yes, most doctors seem to profit off us being sick. It's not right! They truly do want a patient forever 😞 They are in complete denial if they say they aren't.

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On 5/1/2019 at 2:54 PM, JD4010 said:

Excellent! I'm happy you are feeling great.

If I may ask, which med was that?

I'm very afraid of coming off of my two "mind benders" (citalopram and bupropion) because of the nasty withdrawal symptoms. I've experienced them from both of these meds and they are highly unpleasant.

Awww! Thank you 😊

The meds I took weren't for mental illness. It was for something completely different, I can't really discuss it here! They turned me into a monster 😞 

If you think the meds are making you feel worse, it would be best if you came off them. I know that fear. I really do! Maybe you can try discussing it with a good doctor, who are there to make you better, to help ease those horrible withdrawal symptoms for you :console:

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Had my 3 hour exam today.

Went to bed early last night. Woke up at 3am in the morning and was puking everywhere.

2 hours later had to get up again to get dressed. As I was getting dressed, felt I was gonna puke again. Had to take a bucket with me in the car. Managed to get through the exam somehow without puking at all. I made so many stupid mistakes, also turned out that everyone in the school knew what experiment we had that day. No one thought to tell me 😞.

So yeah overall a very bad day. Funny thing is I never get sick, so what are the chances that today would be the day that I do. 

Edited by Soarsie18
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13 hours ago, sober4life said:

When mom was alive I knew someone loved me.  Now the people that say it to me are lying and saying it as some move.  When they're hugging me they're probably making some evil smile while they are doing it feeling like they're fooling me.  They aren't fooling me.

I am glad to have you around sober.

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I felt really good today.  Every time I do I show how stupid I am because I forget what's coming every time.  I'm allowed to feel good so I let my guard down so I become an easy target.  It's that simple.  Good times mean awful times are right around the corner.

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19 hours ago, sober4life said:

Of course we have a say.  For me everything usually works out eventually but it never looks pretty and never goes the way I thought it would.

i dont think we have a say in what happens to us. i think it's all random..

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2 minutes ago, Soarsie18 said:

Me too. And I hate it when people say it's fate or everything happens for a reason

everyone has their own beliefs...its impossible for us all to agree. i just never believed that things happen for a reason, karma, god, etc... i'm not religious i try to respect the beliefs of others, but to me it's just a joke...but everyone deals with this illness and their problems in a different way..whatever works for each person..

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5 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

everyone has their own beliefs...its impossible for us all to agree. i just never believed that things happen for a reason, karma, god, etc... i'm not religious i try to respect the beliefs of others, but to me it's just a joke...but everyone deals with this illness and their problems in a different way..whatever works for each person..

Yeah you're right. In a way I wish I could see it that way, maybe I'd be able to make peace with it that way. But yeah, I just can't believe it myself

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Certain people are targeted from the day they are born until they die by everything and everyone.  It doesn't matter if they are good or bad.  They live their lives with a rain cloud over their head or with a hornet's nest on their head that can't be taken away.  For these people it's not a fate as if it's a set certain story that will be followed to the end.  It's just endless and relentless over and over again everything and everyone attacks until there is nothing left of them.  Each time I get to a point where I think things will be better this time and then smash right in the face.  That's part of it.  There has to be a believe that things are better or will get better and then here comes the full force punch in the face right afterwards.  I hate life!

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2 hours ago, Soarsie18 said:

Me too. And I hate it when people say it's fate or everything happens for a reason

I always get a chuckle outta those phrases.  Seems to me they're from people who are trying to sound...er...wise, but have no more clue than I do.   Hey, it's ok to be clueless!

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3 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

I always get a chuckle outta those phrases.  Seems to me they're from people who are trying to sound...er...wise, but have no more clue than I do.   Hey, it's ok to be clueless!

Yes thank you !!!🙌🙌😊😊😊

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17 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

I always get a chuckle outta those phrases.  Seems to me they're from people who are trying to sound...er...wise, but have no more clue than I do.   Hey, it's ok to be clueless!

I won’t say that they have no clue, I just guess it’s their ability to see that on the other side of their pain is something good. Optimists can easily see every hurdle and obstacle as something they can conquer. Not something that’s going to derail them. Something that they can get stronger as a result of. For people like us whose brains are wired the wrong way cos of our experiences in life, it’s difficult for us to see our achievements, and we tend to focus more on our small relapses and on people who hurt us, making these the bigger factors in our life. The brain is a powerful thing. 

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I'm actually feeling really good right now but it just helps me realize more of how awful I am.  The better I feel the more I hate myself because I'm such a disgrace!  I don't think I've ever hated myself more than I do today.

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So I told my counsellor positive affirmations don’t work for me. They sound unrealistic and it’s just me lying to myself. She said what I’m feeling is just my brain’s resistance to thinking in a new, more positive way. Cos it’s too used to negative thinking. So being positive is being rational while being negative is not rational. And I need to repeat rational things to myself. So still trying this positive affirmation thing. There’s an app called Fabulous that I found recently its helping a bit. Having people to vent to helps too. Ok time to get out of bed been lying around for more than an hour..

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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6 hours ago, Soarsie18 said:

Me too. And I hate it when people say it's fate or everything happens for a reason

It does happen for a reason I think but we always want to find a positive reason.  We want to believe that if there is a god he must be good and he must have good intentions for us because to believe the other way the more logical way if you take a look around you at the world is scary.  I don't believe he's ever had good intentions for me.  I was put here for him to punish and destroy as amusement for him when he's bored.

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6 minutes ago, sober4life said:

It does happen for a reason I think but we always want to find a positive reason.  We want to believe that if there is a god he must be good and he must have good intentions for us because to believe the other way the more logical way if you take a look around you at the world is scary.  I don't believe he's ever had good intentions for me.  I was put here for him to punish and destroy as amusement for him when he's bored.

Yeah me too sober. If I think that someones doing all of this to me intentionally though I get really really mad, so I guess I’d rather believe that its all just a coincidence

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1 hour ago, Soarsie18 said:

Yeah me too sober. If I think that someones doing all of this to me intentionally though I get really really mad, so I guess I’d rather believe that its all just a coincidence

Of course I get mad but it's easy for me to believe.  In 40 years on this planet there has been one good person in my real life.  The rest have been awful so I'm way more surprised when people are trying to be nice to me.  Why would god be different to me than them.

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