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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #10

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I bought online books. Cos I’ve been so sick and tired of people lately. Kept staring at my phone even though I’m not doing anything, just avoiding people. Having no purpose in life. So I bought some online books. Forcing myself to read them. Why is it such a pain to try to do anything these days. 

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21 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I'm trying to identify the small bits of good in my current situation so I can run with them

Yeah, me too...

 

 

Unfortunately, this process (for me anyway) is akin to picking out unsoiled grains of sand from my 🐈's litter box..

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I don't know how to say I am not okay today even though my term break has just started and I don't need to juggle work and school for a while. I am really upset and I feel like a failure and that I can't be good enough. Some days, I wish I could turn back time and I wish I could be a different person, but also know I will not be the person without the experiences I have been through. Why am I not able to form relationship and make friends? Why do I always feel like a loner and like I never can belong?:(

Okay, that's enough for me today and I just need to let it out.

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On 29 April 2019 at 2:52 PM, sober4life said:

The next couple of months will be the most important months in my life so far.  If I can do well during these next couple of months my life should turn around dramatically.  It's going to be so stressful though.  I have to be strong though.  I've come too far to stop now.

Me too. The most important. And the hardest. I can't let them win. But at the same time I want nothing to do with them. 

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36 minutes ago, sirenZ said:

I am really upset and I feel like a failure and that I can't be good enough

Wow I am sorry that you are feeling this way, it seems to me that anyone who is able to juggle school and work should be seen as a supper-hero as neither of those are easy tasks on their own nvm when you put them together.

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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

I was up all night last night preoccupied with what a friend said in the pub a benign comment, banter as we call it here. It literally dominated my mind. That is not normal is it?

Sorry for my crap guys.

Some of the things on the list describe me too. 

I'm good at holding grudges and I don't forgive easily, 

I do get fixated on things that people say and worry what they might be hinting at 

And I'm constantly worrying over what people think of me. Reflecting on the things I said and how I said it. 

I don't know if any of that makes me normal either. I guess it could be either or. 

I've never worried that it's not normal, I've always thought it was down to lack of confidence

Edited by Soarsie18

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31 minutes ago, Soarsie18 said:

Some of the things on the list describe me too. 

I'm good at holding grudges and I don't forgive easily, 

I do get fixated on things that people say and worry what they might be hinting at 

And I'm constantly worrying over what people think of me. Reflecting on the things I said and how I said it. 

I don't know if any of that makes me normal either. I guess it could be either or. 

I've never worried that it's not normal, I've always thought it was down to lack of confidence

That's me to a T! Reflecting on things and how I said it and worrying how I come across. Think it is a confidence issue. 

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1 hour ago, Soarsie18 said:

Some of the things on the list describe me too. 

I'm good at holding grudges and I don't forgive easily, 

I do get fixated on things that people say and worry what they might be hinting at 

And I'm constantly worrying over what people think of me. Reflecting on the things I said and how I said it. 

I don't know if any of that makes me normal either. I guess it could be either or. 

I've never worried that it's not normal, I've always thought it was down to lack of confidence

I do all that to but it’s strange I didn’t write that I even checked to make sure I didn’t do it in my sleep am sorry

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4 minutes ago, Devlinkyla said:

I do all that to but it’s strange I didn’t write that I even checked to make sure I didn’t do it in my sleep am sorry

No nothing to be sorry about, like you said :)

It's good to know that other people are the same. 

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44 minutes ago, Soarsie18 said:

My one sure ticket out of here is gone. Whoever's up there controlling my life is doing the absolute best they can to get rid of me. 

I want to give in so badly. It would be a million times easier than trying to find a way out now. 

I know that it feels like there is no way out and that life sucks and it is time to quit everything, but you have fought to hard to make it to were you are and I KNOW you will keep fighting. You have to change you plans for this year, but the chance will come around again and you will make it work!

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Life is very stressful.  I know how to get a good life.  It's very hard but I know how to do it.  The hardest part is knowing that people will try to stop me from getting a good life.  The only people I attract are people that are looking to hurt me or take advantage of me in some way.

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2 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

One thing though I don’t go to the pub and if I did I get into trouble a lot of trouble 

If I went to the pub I'd drink everything they had and be thrown out.  The way I used to drink I could wake up tomorrow clear across the country.  The first hour would be great but the next 3 days would be a blackout and I could end up on the moon by the time I was done.  I'm so glad I'm done.

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